I think there's actually a split among LDS members in their perception of this "meddling" vs. "caring", no doubt related to some extent to the tactics of the particular meddlers/carers in question. Plenty of people have left the LDS Church or become totally inactive because they were annoyed by the meddling. Others wouldn't dream of leaving because they'd miss all the caring. The structure does unfortunately provide ripe opportunity for people with a tendency toward judgementalism and officiousness to inflict their tendencies on others, while cloaking their actions as "Church duties", thus making it difficult for the victims to put a stop to it without leaving the Church.
I mostly agree with what you just said, although I think that a good church leader will know when to stop "pushing" and will realize when certain actions will just further alienate the individual. I think that with good communication, a medium can be reached between the offended member and the local leaders to "stop it" as you say, without the member having to leave the church altogether or choose absolutes. I think behind-the-scene efforts will likely continue, but I think there is a balance that can be acheived, although difficult for both parties (I think more so for the leaders).