Posted on 11/30/2004 8:16:57 AM PST by Steve Newton
The old sergeants platoon had lost a man a few weeks ago and the men had been in mourning every since. It was always like that and there was little to do about it but keep them busy and out of trouble. The only problem was that about a week ago the platoon had developed a rash of “incidents.” If the sergeant didn’t know better he would think they had a practical joker in their mists.
(Excerpt) Read more at steven.newton1.home.att.net ...
The old sergeants platoon had lost a man a few weeks ago and the men had been in mourning every since. It was always like that and there was little to do about it but keep them busy and out of trouble. The only problem was that about a week ago the platoon had developed a rash of “incidents.” If the sergeant didn’t know better he would think they had a practical joker in their mists.
One morning everyone had brushed their teeth in a crazy solution that turned all their teeth black. This had lead the CO to schedule every man in the platoon for a trip to the dentist. That was the start of it.
Then came the orders down from Division that everyone was now required to wear pink underwear. This “order” for pink underwear was theoretically for the rapid identification of a particular soldier in a particular unit. For days the platoon traveled back and forth to the showers in “the pink” until the dye supplied with the orders had finally started to fade.
It had become THE topic of conversation in the platoon. Who was the practical joker and what was coming next. The old sergeant had fallen victim himself when he woke up one morning and found that someone had taken a dump in his helmet. The whole camp was laughing as the sergeant came yelling and cursing out of his office and threw his helmet clear out of the compound.
The clincher came one morning when the Company CO had come to meet with the platoon leaders. As the command convoy entered the compound they saluted the flag. An old Sadam Iraqi flag. The CO was NOT amused.
The Padre was a little concerned that it would all get out of hand and asked for a meeting with the old sergeant. The old sergeant just said that none of the jokes had crossed the line and none of them had been a danger to the platoon. In fact, it had taken everyone’s mind off their recent loss. So that was the end of that.
The platoon was going crazy trying to find the practical joker but they never had any luck. However, late one evening while the padre was visiting the latrine he heard a noise in the armory. Sneaking around the corner the padre flung open the armory door and there he was. A soldier was putting plastic flowers in the barrels of all the unassigned rifles. When he saw the padre, he just held his hand up in a “quiet” motion and continued until he was done.
As they passed in the night the old sergeant simply said; “Night Padre.”
Steve Newton
Got any military practical jokes? Would love to here them. Stevenewton69@hotmail.com
NEWTON’S BEST OF THE BEST MILITARY SITE HOME OF THE “OLD SERGEANT SERIES” AND “PATTON SPEAKS” http://steven.newton1.home.att.net/
The “Old Sergeant” Series is copyright protected but may be used if the contents are not changed and the Web Site remains listed. The Old Sergeant is fictional and is used to illustrate a point or make a statement. ANY resemblance to a person living or dead is coincidental and unintentional.
My favorite practical joke while on the Belleau Wood was to fill up a trash can bag with water and stand outside the catwalk on the starboard side right outside the Air Wing berthing area, right above where the mess cooks took a smoke break, right below the catwalk that went the side of the ship from front to stern.
I would fill the bag up halfway, swing it over the rail and into the open gunwale and soak whoever was standing in that open gunwale!
I laughed my head off. One day, some poor Sergeant got soaked and was lookng to write a charge sheet on someone, came runing up into our berthing area, half soaked, and I was there at the door to greet him.
Hey Sarge!
Yeah, Sarge, what's up?
Who threw the water?
Gosh, I dunno, some Sailor just went running through the berthing area all laughing and stuff, what did this guy look like?
..
...
Nevermind Sarge!
he he he
Shipboard jokes are fun, and mostly harmless... especially sending SRs to get stuff that doesn't exist, like a Pipe Stretcher, 50 yards of Water Line, Relative Bearing Grease, etc...
That, and grabbing guys from their racks in the middle of the night and taping them to the bulkhead in Aft Steering... Ahhhh the good old days.
GOOD ONE Buddy
Steve
I have to remember some of these!
You guys mind if I post them on my site?
Steve
WE had a little prick on the ship I was on who liked to play "jokes" all the time. Most weren't so funny, either. Tricks like dead fish in a locker of a guy on emergency leave because his dad died or sail needles in the rack, vaseline in the hat liner, etc.
Well, after he had finished his not so glorious 4 years as a seaman E-3, he parked on the pier in the Chief MK's spot overnight so he could load out his gear and leave first thing in the morning for his drive back home to ohio.
This little prick thought it would be funny to "float test" the hat of one of the crewmembers the day before his departure. It just so happened that the guy who had his hat float tested had to stand the midwatch that night.
The next moring, there were handshakes as "Slim" left, and as he was driving off the pier and turned the corner, the wheels of his car came off. It seem as though someone removed all the lug nuts on his car.
He came back to the ship and asked around, finally getting to the guy who stood midwatch. Slim said "Know who did this?" to which the midwatch guy said "Seen my hat?"
Not exactly practical jokes, but...
Did you ever do the old "Movie Watch" gag on a new ensign? What it usually results in is the poor junior engineering officer sitting next to the movie projector, fire extinquisher between his legs, during the whole movie just in case the projector catches fire... hee hee hee
Another fun one was to grab a new guy, and tell him we have to go do some Damage Control - and you go down to the engineering spaces, find a water main, hand him a bucket and tell him that the Sonar Dome is flooded and that he has to drain it. Hand him a bucket, and tell him "Open this valve, fill the bucket, Close the valve, and go dump the bucket topside... then come back and repeat it til the Sonar Dome is empty..." then see how long you can keep him doing it for...
We had a prick like that on our ship - always with the means-spirited "jokes".
So, the night before he went on leave for his honeymoon, he got grabbed, tied up, and every bit of hair on his body was removed with razors, tweezers, and some creative waxing... Every bit of hair. Head to toe.
When I was a boot, we once had some Sailors hide 3 of themselves in a broom closet, then had one or 2 wait outside...
We Marines would wonder what was inside that door, some story would be waiting for us...
So, one or two or 5 of us would be waiting outside some Gear Locker for a few minutes...waiting for someone to come out to tell us NEXT!
One other one, on the Lamoure County, LST 1194, Northern Wedding/Bold Guard 78, we went to flight quarters, and they called the alarm...when all of a sudden over the 1MC..."Will the person with the keys to the Flight Quarters Gear Locker, Please Lay the Same!"
That bird might have had MAIL, fer crying out loud here!
wasn't me, but it was funny to hear that announced!
Also, on that same float, we intentionally mixed up the names of one SSgt and our Captain. the SSgt was named Harris, the Captain was named Dodt, and we would have SSgt Dodt report to Captain Harris's state room!
that worked about 4 times, too! We bust a gut!
That sounds hilarious!!
Bwahahahahahahaha... Ya know, sometimes our engineering officer would get a little "creative" with the water pressure and flow, which once resulted in our XO's extreme displeasure. Seems once he flushed his john, it sprayed out of the toilet in a big blast, covering him with waste... Wish I'd have thought of that... ;0)
I had an SR doing that for about an hour, before someone asked him what the heck he was doing ROTFL...
LOL!
We had some guys starch our CO's skivvies!
The CO thought it was funny too, but reminded them, it was only funny once! :)
Lucky me was the junior engineer MK3 on my small buoy tender. We had vacuum system s4itters. They didn't always work right. lol.
In boot camp (Great Mistakes, winter time) we had an issue with our Recruit Petty Officer - so, in the middle of the night, we used our dental floss to bind him to his mattress, immobilizing him, and stuffed a sock in his mouth, pulled the blankets up to his forehead and went to sleep...
When Reveille arrived, everyone was up and lined up ready to go - except him. Our short-tempered Company Commander got ticked, and tried to flip him out of bed by flipping the mattress over.
I don't think I'll ever forget the sound of a man landing face-first on a hard barracks floor... very unique.
ROTFL...
No, but I just have to write some of this stuff down.
Thanks Brother
Steve
Now that I know about!!
Steve
No problemo!
What goes around comes around.
Steve
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.