This guy sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the
dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black
mutt just sitting
there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep", the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered
this gift pretty
young and I wanted to help the government, so I
told the CIA about
my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from
country to country,
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders,
because no one figured
a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their
most valuable
spies eight years running.
The jetting around really tired me out, and I
knew I wasn't getting any
younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed
up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security work,
mostly wandering near
suspicious characters and listening in. I
uncovered some incredible
dealings there and was awarded a batch of
medals. Had a wife, a mess
of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the
owner what he wants
for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth
are you selling him
so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't
do any of that stuff."
Subject: Car Radio
A woman bought a new Lexus LS400, and returned the next day, complaining that she couldn't figure out how the radio worked.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
"Watch this!" he said..."Nelson!"
The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
"Willie!" he continued....and "On The Road Again" began playing from the speakers.
The woman drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time she'd say, "Beethoven", she'd get beautiful classical music, and if she said, "Beatles!" she'd get one of their awesome songs.
One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed her new car, but she swerved in time to avoid them.
"A$$****s! she yelled.......
The French National Anthem began to play, sung by the Dixie Chicks, accompanied by Jane Fonda and Michael Moore.