Solutions? From others? You know what you need to do in situation(s) only you know.
I did go to our church for solutions, and it is right to do so for the sake of accountability. Our pastor did ask me to give hubby 8 months to get counseling. He also gave hubby the name and number of a place to get it. Hubby went to two counseling sessions, and honestly, despite the enormous hurdles that lie ahead for him, had he continued with the counseling and proved that he was *trying* (even though I wanted out like you wouldn't believe) I would have absolutely stayed in the marriage as long as he endured. Unfortunately, after the two sessions he quit going at all.. and after waiting the promised 8 months I filed.
Four years later, I have learned to regret that he didn't keep going.. and I wish I might have pushed him harder to try. Divorce has absolutely devastated our children irreparably. Of course our problem was enormous.. couples who divorce because they simply don't get along.. need to try every possible solution.. and try it again.. before dissolving their marriage. Even in my case it was hardly worth it.
A lot of women know what they need (or want) to do.. and it's not the right choice. A third party must be consulted so that an objective decision is made. (BTW..You're attorney isn't an objective third party! :) )
Fully agree you did the right thing, and regret if I sounded unduly harsh *or* implied [it] wasn't or wouldn't be the proper thing to do, initially.
Still one must rely the church is run by a competent man of God, one who fully understands what's at stake these days.
I find that to be the exception, not the rule.
Just my .02.
"Our pastor did ask me to give hubby 8 months to get counseling. He also gave hubby the name and number of a place to get it. Hubby went to two counseling sessions, and honestly, despite the enormous hurdles that lie ahead for him, had he continued with the counseling and proved that he was *trying* (even though I wanted out like you wouldn't believe) I would have absolutely stayed in the marriage as long as he endured."
I believe you.
"Four years later, I have learned to regret that he didn't keep going...and I wish I might have pushed him harder to try."
Yes but hindsight's always 20/20, isn't it.
"Divorce has absolutely devastated our children irreparably. Of course our problem was enormous.. couples who divorce because they simply don't get along.. need to try every possible solution.. and try it again.. before dissolving their marriage. Even in my case it was hardly worth it."
Well you'd know your situation best, but I'd beg to remind you insofar as your children are concerned?
I just recently heard a famous psychologist -- & one I respect, *not* easy for me to do -- say something most profound to a couple contemplating divorce but for the children, haven't.
This guy -- who's BIG "pro-family," incidentally -- said, "There're times children are damaged when their parents remain together."
Of course he was speaking of instances where there's gross abuse, be it physical or mental seemed not to make much difference to him.
After careful thought of what I'd witnessed in my lifetime, I had to agree with the man.
So perhaps you'd better serve your own interests by focusing on what you have now instead of what you had (if that's what's happening)?
Because it sounds to me like you had nothing to lose.
...& everything to gain. ;^)