Posted on 11/20/2004 1:31:54 PM PST by CHARLITE
GAINESVILLE, FL
After losing the presidential election, Senator John Kerry has agreed to replace fired Florida coach Ron Zook.
In a news conference announcing his acceptance of the job, the Massachusetts senator said, "When I played football as a young man in Vietnam, I did not hesitate to beat the Bulldogs and I won't now. Floridians are tired of this failed Zook administration. They continued to call the wrong play at the wrong time in the wrong game. It's time that we come clean with this Gator nation."
When asked what he would do differently, however, the senator replied, "I would have done everything differently. I would have recruited the same players and called the same plays, but other than that I would have done everything differently. We should not have tried to go it alone against Mississippi State. The Zook administration has failed us. In fact, I will decide to go for the two point conversion before I decide not to go for it."
Problems immediately arose, however at their first practice on Monday. When a player was hurt and taken to the hospital, the Gator's new offensive coordinator, John Edwards, unexplainably chased the ambulance out of the stadium. It is unclear what his motives were, but he was reported as saying "No longer will there be two Gator nations. No longer will there be winners and losers at these football games. We will ensure that every player is a winner."
Coach Kerry would not lay out specific ideas about how to turn around the season for the Gators, but ensured everyone that he "has a plan." He insists it involves improving the strength and conditioning program over several years, but just recently he has decided to cut funding for the weight lifting equipment by over 6 billion dollars. However, he's going to upgrade other facilities by raising ticket prices only for those who contribute over $2000 per year. Other details of his "plan" have not yet been revealed.
New Gator Head Cheerleader
Guess he has a "plan" for winning.
PING
Get ready to watch us beat some FSU ass tonight. Yeah right. We may be hard up for a coach right now, but never that hard up.
Gator '95
"We should not have tried to go it alone against Mississippi State."
LOL!
Once, again, proving what a loser he is. ;o)
We still don't know what it is, though.
Please do. I'm a Terps fan and I'll always hate FSU.
his plan is to say that every Bush plan was copied from his "secret" plans and to have Edwards sue everyone who dares to question that...
I hope the Gators do to the Seminoles what the Buckeyes did to the Wolverines earlier today!
GOOOOOO GA-TORS!!!
Bump you.
Don't even joke about that.
No kidding - I'd have to burn my sheepskin in protest.
"his plan is to say that every Bush plan was copied from his "secret" plans and to have Edwards sue everyone who dares to question that..."
I see. Da plan, da plan.
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