Thank you for your application. As you know from the agreement you signed,
there are three crucial stages you must pass through to become ...
FreeRepublic's Next Top Troll!
Your essay - as published in Post #1 - was received and reviewed by our panel
of expert Troll judges. Here are their scores:
Content
___10____ Seemed commonplace - excellent!
___10____ Devoid of truth (This is necessary)
_______ Pretended that your post was actually news
_______ Self-Focused (Just what we look for in a troll!)
___10____ Included emotional rants (improves readership)
___10____ BONUS POINTS! Had no factual content
___40____ Content Points Total
Liberal Talking Points Included
_______ Bush stole one or more elections
_______ Specifically mentions Halliburton
___10____ Some form of, "Republican are evil!"
_______ FreeRepublic is not free
_______ Red Staters are ignorant knuckledraggers
_______ BONUS POINTS! Used the words, "Selected, not elected!"
___10____ Talking Points Total
Histrionic Fits
_______ More than 10 exclamation points included?
___10____ Used more than 5 name calling adjectives? (9!)
_______ Mispelled at least 3 words? (sadly, only two)
___10____ Your computer monitor is now spit-splattered
_______ Whined and didn't realize it at least 1 time?
_______ BONUS POINTS! Had nasal quality to that whine
___20____ Histrionic Fit Total
Demerits
(_______) Mentioned DU
(_______) Actually identify yourself as a liberal
(_______) Let it slip you voted for Gore/Kerry
(_______) Left identifying information accidently in your rage
(_______) Admit you've had previous threads pulled
(_______) SUPER DEMERIT! Unconvincingly pretend to be a conservative
(___0____) (TOTAL DEMERITS)
LUCKY FOR YOU __Madking___ that we've had very few Troll applicants
during the last week!
Congratulations! You have passed through stage 1 and are still in the running
to be ...
FreeRepublic's Next Top Troll!
[next week will be the first TROLL Swimsuit Shoot]