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An Open Letter to Maureen Dowd
Michigan News ^ | 11/12/2004 | J.Matt Barber

Posted on 11/13/2004 8:30:11 AM PST by RepCath

AN OPEN LETTER TO MAUREEN DOWD By J. Matt Barber MichNews.com Nov 12, 2004

Dearest Elite and Most Enlightened Maureen:

Ours is a Nation wherein we are the drooling, Neanderthal, war-mongering Red-Staters. You are the freethinking, lucid, peace-loving Blue-Staters. We are the toothless, barefoot, OshKosh B’Gosh Conservatives. You are the handsome, well-cultured, stylish Liberals. We are the hate-filled, dogmatic, fanatical Christians. You are the tolerant, agnostic, atheist, new age, pantheist, moral relativist…whatever…(man that’s a mouth full! Pick one will ya!?). These are the “truths” you hold to be self-evident – that not all American’s are created equal.

But alas – woe, so very woe are we. There’s a rift in the time/space continuum. Our respective worlds have been turned upside down! Red Staters are troubled and confused! We’re concerned for both ourselves, and for you disenfranchised Blue-Staters. Our anxiety to wit: Your formerly pithy column has of late, betrayed your complete loss of control and forecasts your looming political self-destruction. As Document Daddy Dan Rather might have put it – you’re madder than a rattlesnake in a juggling contest. How can we help? What can we do? Maureen, your apoplectic … inhale … breathe… think happy thoughts … happy thoughts!

We Red-Staters are fearful! We’re under attack! Hate speech fills the airwaves and print-press. Intolerance rules the day, and bigoted, mean-spirited Christophopia threatens to demean – to cause irreparable injury to Red-Stater self-esteem across this great (very red) God-blessed Nation. It appears that, as the tide shifts in America’s culture war, you and your ilk are prepared to escalate the conflict – to declare civil war – to take up arms…(well, maybe not that…you would have to touch a gun and betray your pacifists creed to war against our “Christian Jihad.” In so doing, you would be no better than our evil President, who so enjoys killing those peace-loving Muslim fundamentalists). But nonetheless…where’s the open-mindedness Maureen? – The love? Where, oh where have all the Liberal warm-fuzzies gone?

In truth, Red Staters only have your best in mind. As you continue, fueled by venomous blind rage and a misguided worldview, to insult the people who were responsible for rewarding George W. Bush with four more years in the Whitehouse, and who further fortified Republican control of congress, consider this: The more you attack us; the more you condescend and refuse to hear us – the more you embolden and galvanize us, further propelling both you and your failed ideology into the abyss of obsolescence.

As you may be aware, there are those, such as your good friend Lawrence (creepy liar) O’Donnell, who are calling for Blue-State secession. In light of the, shall we say, more effeminate qualities of Blue-Staters, I think we will all agree that an armed insurrection will not be forthcoming and hence, neither will there be secession. This notwithstanding, there are other Blue-Staters who sit with you on the far fringe of leftdom, contemplating defection to Canada. To you, and to all utterly distraught lefties who are considering the move to our wonderfully “progressive” playground to the North, we Red-Staters offer one final bit of modest advise: On your way out…Don’t let the door hit-ya where the good Lord split-ya.

Sincerely,

The Red States

Copyright © 2004 by J. Matt Barber

J. Matt Barber is a non-practicing attorney, an undefeated heavyweight professional boxer (Matt “Bam Bam” Barber), and a jazz drummer in the Chicago (IL) Land area. In addition to his Law Degree, Barber holds a Master of Arts in Public Policy from Regent University (Virginia Beach, VA). Matt is a Contributor to the Washington Times “Insight Magazine,” and a Columnist and Contributing Editor for TheConservativeVoice.com e-news publication.

E-mail your comments to Matt, at jmattbarber@comcast.net


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: dowd; gloat; kerrydefeat; liberals
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1 posted on 11/13/2004 8:30:12 AM PST by RepCath
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To: RepCath

Well said.


2 posted on 11/13/2004 8:33:39 AM PST by Norman Bates (Game over. Bush wins.)
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To: RepCath

Please cc Molly Ivins on this.


3 posted on 11/13/2004 8:35:17 AM PST by mcenedo (lying liberal media - our most dangerous and powerful enemy)
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To: RepCath

Hehehehe, someone needs to Fed Ex Maureen a nice serving of crow...and some kleenex to wipe away the tears :-)


4 posted on 11/13/2004 8:40:48 AM PST by TheSpottedOwl ("In the Kingdom of the Deluded, the Most Outrageous Liar is King".)
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To: RepCath
Don’t let the door hit-ya where the good Lord split-ya!
5 posted on 11/13/2004 8:41:45 AM PST by TexasCajun
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To: RepCath; Grampa Dave

BTTT


6 posted on 11/13/2004 8:41:59 AM PST by EdReform (Free Republic - helping to keep our country a free republic. Thank you for your financial support!)
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To: RepCath

Well said, indeed, but Dude, you live in the Blue Zone!


7 posted on 11/13/2004 8:42:13 AM PST by Slehn (No one will ever associate the word "courage" with "Ivy League")
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To: RepCath

Make sure to enclose a photo of Catherine Zeta-Jones in any correspondance with Miss Dowd

8 posted on 11/13/2004 8:43:19 AM PST by Redcoat LI (3.5 Million)
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To: RepCath

I just watched Micheal Douglas in that movie "Losing It", and I just now realized it wasn't about Maureen Dowd.


9 posted on 11/13/2004 8:43:30 AM PST by Senator Goldwater
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To: mcenedo

Comical.


10 posted on 11/13/2004 8:45:30 AM PST by jmstein7 (A Judge not bound by the original meaning of the Constitution interprets nothing but his own mind.)
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To: RepCath

There are a couple of typos in this. Otherwise, it's fantastic!


11 posted on 11/13/2004 8:45:40 AM PST by TexasGreg ("Democrats Piss Me Off")
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To: RepCath

As many moronic things as she says,are you sure she can read?!


12 posted on 11/13/2004 8:47:29 AM PST by housewife101
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To: EdReform

It is past time to wake up Americans to the fact that Dowd is just another Jason Blair wearing a skirt, red hair and fair skin. Dowd is probably a bigger liar than Jason was.


13 posted on 11/13/2004 8:47:49 AM PST by Grampa Dave (FNC/ABCNNBCBS & the MSM fishwraps are the Rathering Fraudcasters of America!)
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To: RepCath
The more you attack us; the more you condescend and refuse to hear us – the more you embolden and galvanize us, further propelling both you and your failed ideology into the abyss of obsolescence.

Let us not forget President Reagan who I believe deserves full credit for turning the tide on this concept.  With the exception of Slick Willie (which was an aberration, not a trend) this obsolescence started with Reagan and will continue for another generation, in my view.

14 posted on 11/13/2004 8:47:55 AM PST by quantim (Victory is not relative, it is absolute.)
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To: RepCath

He cares more than I do.

The only thing I have to say to Dowd is FOAD.


15 posted on 11/13/2004 8:49:24 AM PST by dsc (LIBERALS: If we weren't so darned civilized, there'd be a bounty on them.)
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To: Redcoat LI; All
re: Zeta-Jones, Hubb-Ahh, Hubb-Ahh
16 posted on 11/13/2004 8:52:27 AM PST by britt reed (A man can prove anything, but is God convinced?)
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To: Redcoat LI
I have been here for a fairly long time but, I must have missed why there is this Dowd-Jones connection. If someone could explain I would appreciate it.
17 posted on 11/13/2004 8:52:46 AM PST by satchmodog9 (Murder and weather are our only news)
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To: RepCath

Just FReepin' AWESOME!!!


18 posted on 11/13/2004 8:52:53 AM PST by harpu
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To: RepCath

What a pathetic excuse for a woman Maureen Loud is.


19 posted on 11/13/2004 8:53:58 AM PST by Malleus Dei ("Communists are just Democrats in a hurry.")
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To: RepCath; All
My open letter to Maureen Dowd:
Dear Ms. Dowd,
I defended you last evening. Someone at the bar said you weren't fit to sleep with pigs. I said you were.
Bugger Off,
Me
20 posted on 11/13/2004 8:54:34 AM PST by britt reed (A man can prove anything, but is God convinced?)
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