In your opinion, is there valid reason for nullification? I haven't started the process, yet (and I am about to be remarried outside of the church on Saturday and we opted against waiting out for the nullification). In my opinion, my ex was completely incapable of meaning the vows he took as evidenced by breakdowns he had before and after the wedding, as well as infidelity from very early on. I am curious as to your view.
>>I want your opinion on my situation:
Only a tribunal can give an opinion or reassurance.
I can speculate, however.
>>My ex had mental problems from his teens on that I was not aware of when we got married (diagnosed with depression, etc.)
Any mental problem has to be aparrent at the time vows are exchanged. This is the key to the investigation: At the time of the exchange of vows, did a psychological condition prevent one from using free will and did it incapcitate the ability to consider openess to life, fidelity, and permanence of marriage?
Childhood psychological problems, psychological problems existing after the exchange of vows, are not grounds grounds for a null declaration unless they rear their ugly head during the exchange of vows.
>>I was 4 months pregnant when we got married. Within two months (and this is only what I know of), he was being unfaithful to me.
Once again, his infidility is not grounds unless when he exchanged vows his psychological condition was GRAVE enough that he couldn't use good judgement concerning fidelity. Odds are he was able to use good judgement.
What may be more realisitic is that he exchanged vows without ever intending to honor them. This, I believe, is grounds for a null declaration. But you cannot see into his heart or mind to determine this on your own.
The problem is, you cannot tell if a the time of marriage, he truely agreed to fidelity. I understand that the fact he was unfaithful so early emboldens this idea, but it doesn't mean it's true either. Two months or 20 years later, infidelity is infidelity -- don't let the timeframe fool you into thinking he didn't make a valid consent.
>>he became physically abusive- this continued for our entire time together (8 years before separating, 10 before divorce).
Physical abuse is not grounds for anullment. Things that occurr before or after the exchange of vows are not relavant.
>>He finally had one affair too many and I kicked him out.
Good going!
>>In your opinion, is there valid reason for nullification? I haven't started the process, yet (
There are potential grounds, but only a tribunal can say if there are solid grounds.
>>and I am about to be remarried outside of the church on
Why put your soul at risk of eternal damnation? Certainly two adults can wait and do the right thing. It's not like you are raging teenagers who can't control their bodies.
What IF your marriage is indeed valid? You then enter into a permanent adulterous situation -- every act of sex is adulterous, not just the marriage itself. You involve yourself in a real separation from God and his Grace.
Make a choice: Are you Chistian, or are you people of the world? People of the world circumvent the anullment process by marrying outside of the Church. Christians do not want to involve themselves in adultery especially when such a situation can easily be avoided. This is a question of faith and coopertion with God's plan of salvation. Do you choose salvation?
Wait and go through the anullment.
If you two really love each other, remember love wants the best for the good of the other. The good of the other includes the salvation of the other.
That's not to be unsympathetic to having feelings towards another. But sometimes doing the right thing is hard. If you two do love each other, you will survive the anullment.
And if you do love each other, and your marriage is found to be valid, you'll let each other go.
>> In my opinion, my ex was completely incapable of meaning the vows he took as evidenced by breakdowns he had before
Breakdowns before the wedding are not relevant. Breakdowns afterwards aren't either. Breakdowns during the wedding are.
You cannot be the judge of the capacity of your spouse. You aren't qualified to do so. A tribunal is qualified, especially with the help of a psychological expert. Please don't try this at home!
Cancel the wedding, go through with the investigation. You'll never regret doing the right thing.