Posted on 11/10/2004 10:16:51 AM PST by TMD
History Lesson for The Day:
Division of the human family into 2 distinct political groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer. They would go to the beach and live on fish & lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These two inventions became the foundation of modern civilization. Together they were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
The production of beer required grain. That was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors lived close to the brewery. That's how villages were first formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the "Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Qs. They did the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberals eventually evolved into women. The rest, became 'girly-men'.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the creation of political correctness and the concept of the graduated income tax to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives produced.
Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. The liberal icon is the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer, but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef cooked well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, actors and others in Hollywood are predominantly liberals as are group therapists and college professors. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and potatoes. Conservatives are big-game hunters, cowboys, lumberjacks, doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes and generally those who work productively outside government or are not on welfare or receiving other government giveaways. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Those who don't want to work or don't know how become college professors so they can tell people how things should be done.
Liberals produce little or nothing except Hollywood films. They believe in liberals being free to tell others with whom they disagree what to do and how to think about things. They like to take conservatives money and spend it on their own causes. They also talk about freedom but are afraid to actually fight for it on the world stage, except for bashing American conservatives. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened and educated than Americans, but don't actually move there. Historically, liberals remained in Europe until after the Conservatives came to America and tamed the west. Then they came over so they could get the same things conservative had only without actually having to do anything to earn it.
Here ends today's lesson in world history
This will likely stir up s4it with some lib co workers. I'm going to send it anyway. If I am not around FR tomorrow, I got fired.
Bump! (Mmmmm... beer...)
Any student of evolution knows the true Dissent of Man:
Australo-Pithy-Cuss ->
Homo Erect Cuss ->
Homo Meandering Cuss ->
Homo Modern Cuss ->
a) Homo Domestic Cuss (Conservatives)
b) Homo Rotten Cuss (Liberals)
HILARIOUS!!!
You gotta put that on it's own post..........
Do not paint with too broad a brush, Sir.
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