Kids are Overrated

There is an unspoken taboo in our society where if you admit that having kids wasn't quite what you thought it would be and that if you could do it all over again that you would have chosen NOT to have kids, that you are a monster, an evil, despicable monster. The truth is a large percentage of parents HATE being parents. They will never say it out loud and they can't even admit that to themselves because "only an evil demon" would come to that conclusion, they think. However, underneath it all, underneath all the B.S. is the truth that we all know: Children are overrated. For every precious moment where the little brat does something special, there are 1,000 moments where they drive you crazy. They literally tear your life upside down. Marriage, sex life, your wives appearance, your social life, the list goes on and on and on. Oh yeah, the worst part is yet to come - the teenage years. I could write volumes on this subject. The reason people have children is because of this unwritten societal norm where the standard is to get married and immediately begin to produce offspring because "that's the thing to do". Here's another fact for you if you're interested in the subject: the highest points of martial satisfaction are: 1) after the kids leave and 2) before the kids were born. Look it up, it's true.

I decided not to have kids or a wife... And haven't regretted it one bit!!! I look at all my sorry faced friends straining to make ends meet, having the endless honey do lists, soccer games, Dr bills, bitching, whinny little brats, debt up their asses!!.....and me....well I focused on work and saving money and have no debt, date all different kinds of women, no strings attached, buying a brand new custom house that my friends and family can only dream about, and will be able to retire at 45..... Yea, I may grow up old and have no one but look....most of you will be divorced and so broke after raising kids, alimony, child support, kids college...that you will have nothing to show for it when you are 65 and still have to work till your are dead......sorry thats reality. My relatives have given up asking. They know better. Then someone always pulls me aside and says, "I would love to have your life".

I think most people end up having kids because 1) They're too stupid to know how to use birth control properly and/or 2) They have an idealistic, completely unrealistic vision of what parenthood entails. People imagine dressing their daughter in pretty clothes, or playing catch with their son. They don't think about being awoken at 2 a.m. by a sick, screaming kid who just threw up all over the bed, and who doesn't give a shit that you have to get up for work in four hours. They don't think about the mortgage company threatening to foreclose, or the electricity being shut off, because the husband can't pay all the bills on one income. More people should think about these things, and fewer people should be having children. Parenthood should be left to those few couples who are willing to take the good with the bad.

NoMarriage.com manual will help you determine if you are ready and want to have children in the near future.

If he and others think that way, then it's the best possible choice for them. Some of us love having kids, we get great joy from raising them, but some people simply don't. If you don't want them, use precaution and avoid the whole situation.

I've met people who don't get a lot of joy from raising their kids, and who'd rather be pursuing an interesting and rewarding career, and that's quite a sad thing to see when they're wearing themselves to a nub trying to do both and getting very little satisfaction from either.

My wife and I are on the verge of adopting a little boy from Russia. We'll be travelling to Yekaterinburg, near the Ural mountains, in the middle of winter to do so. We anticipate high temperatures in the single digits.

During the ten years of our marriage prior to this point, we'd socialized with other people who didn't have kids, and we met some very kind and friendly people through NoKidding.net who had made a conscious decision not to have kids.

None of them struck us as selfish or bitter people like this author, and none of them ever held it against us that we were "childless" instead of "child-free." They'd certainly never brave the Siberian winter to go get a kid, but they'd accept our decision to do so.

At least there's people out there who actually put some thought into their child-bearing decisions. Perhaps if more people did so there'd be fewer abortions.

This is a topic I think about quite a bit. I feel no need whatsoever to produce a child of my own. Never have. I am 30 years old now. A child of my own is not the missing piece of the puzzle that will somehow magically complete or "light up" my life. I feel there are simply too many people in this world. And sometimes I think it is selfish and egotistical of others to look at their kids and say, "Awwwwww look, a tiny version of me." Almost anyone can produce a child. It's nothing special and it's not a miracle. In fact, statistically, the ones that are most likely to reproduce are those without a college degree. And no, I am not saying that if you didn't graduate from a university you are not intelligent. Intelligence and education level aren't necessarily the same thing.

I see what the poster of this topic was trying to say, but it came off as somewhat obnoxious. I disagreed with him when he got into the selfish, materialist/ financial reasons for not having a kid. That just makes this guy sound like the world's most self-absorbed yuppie. And certainly his point about all kids being brats is ridiculous.

But as I looked through the responses to his post I saw something just as disturbing. Some parents stated that their children are the only reason why they carry on in life. But if your children are the only reason why you carry on in life, then maybe you should seek out hobbies that are of interest to you. Something that makes you happy. I have nothing against parenthood, but if that is all you talk about at work and in social your social life, then perhaps it might be good for your own mental health to find another outlet of happiness rather than living through your children. Being a mother or father should never really define who you are as a person. Your own identity as an individual and your identity as a parent should be two very different things.

I really couldn't agree more with you dbdbdbdbdbdbdb. The writer was a little over the top but overall I agree. I am 30 and I do feel that society expects you to get married and reproduce and the people that choose not to are looked at as weird and selfish which isn't fair. There are too many people in this world that shouldn't have had any kids so people that choose not to have them shouldn't be looked upon poorly. It is a decision, no matter what pressures you feel from society. And I also strongly believe that society also makes people feel that to complain or speak honestly about children is to be heartless and a bad parent. I feel honesty is more important. I think a lot of parents try to convince themselves that everything is great by telling everyone that. Don't get me wrong I know a lot of parents are completely happy. I just don't believe that is the way for all parents. It too bad society isn't more accepting of honesty. I think if parents were more honest there would be less people out there that are surprised that raising kids is more hard work than fun.

People who choose to be parents are just as likely to have good and bad motives as those who choose not to. Those who want and have kids are no better as human beings than those who don’t. A lot of people have stupid, egotistical or downright selfish reasons to have or not to have.

So many “proud parents” are extremely insecure people who use their children as a means to bolster their egos. Don’t get me wrong. There are lots of happy, well-rounded people with kids, and because of their love for children, they are blessed in that regard. I’m talking about people who have kids because their friends have them, or because Katie Holmes has them, or because they believed all the lies and hype about children being the be all end all of society. Logistically speaking, we need kids to continue our future generations, and to wipe our arses when we’re no longer able (metaphorically and literally speaking). But that doesn’t mean we all need to. In fact, many of us just aren’t cut out to be parents, or simply have other equally important endeavors in life.

I noticed some posts about parents feeling sorry for non-parents because they just don’t know what theyre missing. FYI those so-called sorry wastes of space that you so righteously pity are in most cases feeling pretty darn sorry for you too. Because there is more to life than pushing out babies, and it’s likely that these people have lived more enriched and fulfilled lives with their significant others, and have looked beyond the boundaries of child-rearing to expand their horizons. In the Bible, God takes first priority as an umbrella to mesh together all worldly joys. Next comes your spouse, and then your children. Many non parents have strong relationships with their faith and with their partners. Unfortunately, our society forgets this and puts kids on a pedestal. So many marriages fall apart because they become mere parents to their children, rather than a functioning, happy couple who, with proper foundational values and love, can happily raise and love children.

But then again, with society pushing young adults to marry and have kids when they’re way too young, this is no surprise. Too many people marry and procreate before they’re ready. Many moms tell me in response to me saying I’m not ready for kids, that “you become ready when you get pregnant”. BS. Most of these moms are shoddy parents who let their kids walk all over them and truthfully seem very unhappy with their circumstances. Ironically, these same moms are the ones who clog up the Facebook newsfeeds with zillions of pictures of their kids, looking for constant approval of their “beautiful little angels”. It reeks of insecurity, but these people weren’t ready for kids. They were still trying to get to know themselves. The push to have kids got the best of them and they are incomplete people. Yet think their kids complete them. No. Their kids fill a void for them and give them the excuse not to broaden their horizons or overcome their fears. They can now live through their kids. Hello people, it’s exactly where Big Brother wants you. Once you have little ones to worry about, you cease to expand yourself. You’re no longer a potential force to be reckoned with. You’re a pathetic rat-racer who will take the abuse from society and accept your position because you have mouths to feed. You will become a bigger consumer with less time to think outside the box and more time to worry about feeding into the corporate system. Charming, isn’t it?

So yes, I went on a bit of a tangent, and as I mentioned before, I’m not referring to the joys of having children IF and WHEN those who do are ready. I’m talking about the false perceptions that we as a society are force-fed, and the consequences that arise.

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