Whoa! Kerry defended 1988 Bunk CBS Vietnam Documentary! (Explains Rather Loyality)

TEXT: Text that appears in UPPER CASE identifies statements or insertions which are not spoken by a Member of the Senate on the floor.

[*S7685] MR. KERRY. MR. PRESIDENT, RECENTLY CBS NEWS BROADCAST A REMARKABLE TELEVISION DOCUMENTARY ENTITLED "THE WALL WITHIN," WHICH FOCUSED ON VIETNAM VETERANS IN WASHINGTON STATE WHO ARE VICTIMS OF POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER, OR PTSD. THESE VETERANS ONLY REPRESENT A SMALL MINORITY OF ALL VIETNAM VETERANS, YET THEIR PROBLEMS ARE REAL. THIS POWERFUL AND HARD-HITTING DOCUMENTARY WAS FOLLOWED UP BY A REPORT ON "60 MINUTES" WHICH DETAILED THE LACK OF RESPONSIVENESS OF THE VETERANS' ADMINISTRATION TO VIETNAM [*S7686] VETERANS, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE STILL SUFFERING FROM THE AFTER-EFFECTS OF THE VIETNAM COMBAT EXPERIENCE.

NO ONE SHOULD DRAW THE CONCLUSION FROM THESE PROGRAMS THAT ALL VIETNAM VETERANS ARE MALADJUSTED OR SUFFERING FROM EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS. THIS IS FAR FROM THE TRUTH. MOST VIETNAM VETERANS ARE SUCCESSFUL, PRODUCTIVE MEMBERS OF SOCIETY. BUT THERE IS A SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF VIETNAM VETERANS, ALTHOUGH SMALL, WHO DO SUFFER FROM EMOTIONAL AND OTHER HEALTH PROBLEMS CAUSED BY THEIR VIETNAM EXPERIENCE. POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER [PTSD] IS THE CLINICAL TERM USED TO DESCRIBE THE PSYCHOLOGICAL AFTERSHOCKS OF THE VIETNAM WAR WHICH AFFECT THESE VETERANS.

THE VIETNAM EXPERIENCE STUDY, WHICH WAS RECENTLY RELEASED BY THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL, SHOWED THAT VIETNAM VETERANS SUFFER FROM SIGNIFICANTLY HIGHER THAN NORMAL RATES OF EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS, INCLUDING ALCOHOL AND DRUG ABUSE AND ADDICTION, NERVOUS DISORDERS, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, AND OTHER PSYCHOLOGICAL DYSFUNCTIONS. THESE PROBLEMS ARE CLEARLY LINKED TO THEIR VIETNAM SERVICE. YET THE VETERANS' ADMINISTRATION HAS BEEN UNRESPONSIVE TO THE NEEDS OF THESE VETERANS.

THE VA HAS MADE CONTINUAL ATTEMPTS TO DOWNPLAY AND DENY THAT VIETNAM VETERANS SUFFER FROM PROBLEMS RESULTING FROM THEIR VIETNAM SERVICE, WHETHER FROM CANCERS CAUSED BY EXPOSURE TO AGENT ORANGE IN VIETNAM, OR EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS DUE TO PTSD. THE VA HAS CONSISTENTLY TRIED TO KILL OFF THE VET CENTER PROGRAM, WHICH HAS BEEN THE MOST SUCCESSFUL METHOD OF OUTREACH TO VIETNAM VETERANS. THE VET CENTERS HAVE PROVIDED A PLACE FOR VIETNAM VETERANS TO GO WHERE THEY CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE, AND WHERE THEY CAN OPENLY AND HONESTLY DISCUSS THEIR PROBLEMS AND RECEIVE APPROPRIATE COUNSELING. FOR REASONS BEST KNOWN TO THIS ADMINISTRATION, THE VA HAS CONDUCTED A KIND OF "SEARCH AND DESTROY" MISSION AGAINST THE VET CENTERS. LAST YEAR, THE SENATE HAD TO PASS LEGISLATION TO PREVENT THE VA FROM CLOSING DOWN EIGHT VET CENTERS, INCLUDING ONE IN AVON, MA, WHICH HAS BEEN HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL.

I KNOW THAT THERE HAVE BEEN CONCERNS RAISED THAT, BY SHOWING THESE DOCUMENTARIES, CBS HAS PERPETUATED OLD STEREOTYPES ABOUT VIETNAM VETERANS. I BELIEVE THAT THESE CHARGES ARE UNWARRANTED. I AM VERY CONCERNED BY SOME OF THE STEREOTYPES ABOUT MALADJUSTED AND EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED VIETNAM VETERANS WHICH HAVE BEEN PORTRAYED IN SOME FILMS AND TV SHOWS. BUT THERE ARE SOME VETERANS WHO DO HAVE CONTINUING PROBLEMS AND CONTINUING NEEDS WHICH THE VA HAS FAILED TO ADDRESS. THESE CBS PROGRAMS HAVE DONE A SERVICE BY CALLING ATTENTION TO THE NEEDS OF VIETNAM VETERANS, AND THE CONTINUING LACK OF RESPONSE BY THEIR GOVERNMENT.

I ASK THAT THE TRANSCRIPTS OF "THE WALL WITHIN" AND THE "60 MINUTES" SEGMENT BE PRINTED IN THE RECORD.

DAN RATHER (NARRATION). TWENTY YEARS AGO THE UNITED STATES MILITARY TRAINED YOUNG AMERICANS FOR COMBAT OPERATIONS IN VIETNAM. SINCE THEN A NUMBER OF THESE MEN, HAUNTED BY THEIR DEEDS, BECAME SERIOUSLY ILL. HE ASKED US TO CALL HIM ONLY STEVE.

STEVE. I THINK I WAS ONE OF THE HIGHEST TRAINED, UNDERPAID, 18 CENT AN HOUR ASSASSINS EVER PUT TOGETHER BY A TEAM OF PEOPLE WHO KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE LOOKING FOR. AND WHO USED TO THE MAXIMUM. AND THEN DUMPED IT BACK ON SOCIETY TO TAKE CARE OF.

GUY IREDALE. IN VIETNAM I SAW AND DID THE MOST VIOLENT, CRUEL THINGS. AFTER A WHILE YOU GET WHERE, UH, IT'S ALMOST A RUSH, IT'S ALMOST A HIGH, UH, TO BE HURTING PEOPLE OVER THERE LIKE THAT. THEN YOU COME HOME AND YOU'RE TOLD STOP. NO MORE.

NARRATION. WASHINGTON STATE HAS MORE VIETNAM VETERANS THAN COULD BE STATISTICALLY EXPECTED ... ABOUT 200,000. A NUMBER CAME HERE BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO LIVE IN ISOLATION ... HIDDEN IN THE WILDERNESS. WE CAME TO FIND THEM -- SUFFERERS OF A PSYCHOLOGICAL DISEASE CALLED POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER -- PTSD. IN ONE DEGREE OR ANOTHER, THIS ILLNESS AFFECTS PERHAPS A MILLION VIETNAM VETERANS. ONE OF THE RESULTS OF THE ILLNESS CAN BE SUICIDE.

MIKE RICE. DURING THE SECOND MARRIAGE, THINGS GOT BAD, AND I HAD MY PISTOL, AND I, I PICKED IT UP, AND IT WAS ALWAYS LOADED. ALWAYS LOADED. I PICKED THAT THING UP AND I PUT THAT RIGHT UP HERE AND I GO, AND I THOUGHT, JUST FOR THAT SECOND, I THOUGHT OF MY TWO BOYS, AND THE MORE I THOUGHT ABOUT THEM, I COULDN'T DO IT.

NARRATION. THERE HAVE BEEN BEWEEN 26,000 AND 100,000 SUICIDES, DEPENDING ON WHAT REPUTABLE SOURCE YOU BELIEVE. IN VIETNAM, SOME 58,000 MEN WERE KILLED. THE MEN WHO TOLD US THEIR STORIES ALL HAVE SYMPTOMS OF PTSD -- A DISORDER, WHICH, FOURTEEN YEARS AFTER THE WAR, STILL AFFECTS ABOUT A THIRD OF THE VETERANS.

JOHN MICHAELSON. I AIN'T COMING DOWN OFF THAT HILL. AND THERE AIN'T NOBODY COMING UP THERE, YOU KNOW. IF I SAID THAT DOWN THERE AT THE SPOKANE MENTAL HEALTH, WHERE, WHERE MY BOY'S BEEN WORKED WITH, I'D NEVER GET HIM BACK. (COUGH) I'D NEVER GET HIM BACK. WELL, NO WONDER THIS KID'S VIOLENT IN SCHOOL AND PACKS A KNIFE AND SLEEPS WITH A KNIFE UNDER, HIS OLD MAN'S CRAZY, YOU KNOW, GOT THE ... ONE OF THE GUYS AT WORK ASKED ME IF I HAD THE VIETNAM CRAZY SYNDROME. I HAD TO WALK OFF. I'D A KILLED THAT SUCKER.

NARRATION. THESE MEN SAY THEY ARE PATRIOTS WHO LOVE THEIR LAND, THEIR COUNTRY. WHEN THEY CAME BACK THEY WERE OUTCASTS. BROKEN SPIRITS LEARNING TO HEAL THEMSELVES FROM THE WOUNDS OF WAR. THE VIETNAM CONFLICT WAS UNLIKE ANY OTHER AMERICAN WAR -- SO THEIR ILLNESS IS DIFFERENT FROM THAT SUFFERED BY OTHER VETERANS. RECENTLY, THE VIETNAM VETERAN HAS BECOME RECOGNIZED AND NOW THE TRIBUTES HAVE BEGUN. FOR SOME, IT MAY BE TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE.

GEORGE GREUL. NO MATTER HOW YOU TRIED TO HOLD THOSE VALUES, IT WAS COMPROMISED. TOTALLY COMPROMISED AT TIMES.

BRADLEY. I'M AFRAID TO GO TO PEOPLE BECAUSE I BEEN INSTITUTIONALIZED ALL THESE YEARS. SEE, I, IF I GO TO THE COMMUNITY NOW ... NAH. IF THIS IS THE WAY THESE PEOPLE HAVE TO BE, THESE HUMANS HAVE TO BE IN AMERICA, THEY CAN, I SHOULD, I GUESS I LOST THE COUNTRY I FOUGHT FOR, I JUST, I DON'T WANT THEM TO HAVE MY STRESS AND MY BURDEN SO I, I'LL STAY UP HERE AND HIDE.

NARRATION. THEY CAME OUT OF HIDING TO TALK TO US, AND TALKING SOMETIMES TAKES MORE BRAVERY THAN FIGHTING. AFTER THE KILLING STOPPED THE ILLNESSES SURFACED. PTSD IS A SYNDROME THAT RANGES FROM NIGHTMARES TO SUICIDE. THIS ILLNESS IS NOT CONFINED TO THE STATE OF WASHINGTON; IT'S ALL OVER AMERICA. WE TELL YOU A STORY OF HIDDEN ILLNESS; PERHAPS YOUR OWN STORY OF THE WALL WITHIN.

STEVE. (POEM) I TAKE THE WEAPON AND RAISE IT ABOVE MY HEAD AND STRIKE WITH THE FORCE OF MY BEING, BLOW AFTER BLOW, UNTIL NO MORE STAND IN MY PATH. MY BREATH COMES FAST AND SHORT, GULP AFTER GULP.

NARRATION. AT AGE 16 STEVE WAS A NAVY SEAL, TRAINED TO ASSASSINATE. FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS HE OPERATED BEHIND ENEMY LINES. THEN HE BROKE. HE CAME HOME IN A STRAITJACKET, ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL AND DRUGS. HE HAD PTSD. HE WAS NEITHER DEPROGRAMMED NOR HELPED. WHEN HE MOVED BACK HOME, HIS MOTHER BECAME A VICTIM.

STEVE. WELL, I DRANK MYSELF INTO A STUPOR SO I COULD SLEEP. AND, UH, SHE CAME DOWN, IN THE MORNING, GRABBED A HOLD OF MY TOE. I CAME OFF THE BED, GRABBED A HOLD OF HER BLOUSE, UH, CUT HER CAROTID ARTERIES OFF. IF YOU GRAB LIKE THAT, AND COME AROUND LIKE THIS, THE BLOOD SUPPLY TO THE BRAIN'S CUT OFF. AND IT'S PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE, AND THEN DEATH. AND, I HAD HER DOWN ON THE FLOOR, AND ALL I WAS SEEING WAS VC. THAT'S ALL THAT WAS IN MY MIND. AND THEN I SAW HER FACE, AND I LET GO. BY THE TIME SHE RECUPERATED ENOUGH TO TRY TO SAY IT WAS OKAY, SHE UNDERSTOOD, I HAD PACKED AGAIN AND WAS ON MY WAY OUT THE DOOR.

STEVE. IT WAS SAFE. I UNDERSTAND ANIMALS. ANIMALS ARE NOT LIKE HUMAN BEINGS. ANIMALS WILL NOT GOBBLE THEIR OWN.

YOU CAN GO UP IN THERE AND SIT DOWN AND NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE HERE FOREVER. IT WAS TOUGH UP THERE. I HUNTED. I USED, I USED TRIP WIRES, AND I'D LIVE IN LOGS, I'D LIVE IN STUMPS.

NARRATION. THE MOUNTAINS WERE NO CURE. THE ANGER REMAINED. HE TRIED TO DROWN RAGE IN ALCOHOL AND DRUGS, BUT THE HATE CONTINUED. SO HE TURNED HIS ANGER ON HIMSELF AND PUNISHED HIMSELF WITH 23 CAR ACCIDENTS -- HE'S PERMANENTLY CRIPPLED. HE SAYS THE DISTORTION STARTED AT THE HANDS OF MILITARY TRAINERS WHO TWISTED HIS CHARACTER.

THIS RARE TRUE FILM SHOWS SOLDIERS LEARNING WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN CAPTURED BY THE ENEMY.

STEVE. YOU'RE SLAPPED A FEW TIMES AND ASKED WHO YOU ARE AND HO CHI MINH ADDRESSES ARE GOING ON, MAO'S DOCTRINE IS GOING ON, THEY'RE BEATING YOU FOR DAYS, AND, AND THEY'LL COME IN, LINE YOU UP AGAINST THE WALL, AND USE KALISH, KALISHNAKOVS, AK 47S, AND FIRE BLANKS AT YOU. YOU DON'T KNOW THEY'RE BLANKS. (SOUND OF GUNFIRE)

HAD TO CRAWL THROUGH A 28 FOOT TRENCH FULL OF HUMAN EXCREMENT. THEN THEY DROP YOU INTO A BARREL FULL OF ICE WATER. AND THE WHOLE TIME THEY'RE HITTING YOU. THEY'RE POUNDING YOU. AND THEN THEY SHOW YOU PICTURES OF A NICE, AMERICAN FAMILY. PICTURES OF [*S7687] MOM, PICTURES OF POP, PICTURES OF THE LITTLE KID, ANOTHER PICTURE OF A VC, PICTURE OF A LITTLE KID, MOM, POP, LITTLE KID, BANG -- SLAUGHTERED FAMILY. (PAUSE)

AND YOU START BELIEVING YOU'RE REALLY CAPTURED. I WENT THROUGH FOUR CAMPS. AND IT'S HAMMERED, HAMMERED, HAMMERED, HAMMERED, HAMMERED, HAMMERED INTO YOU. UNTIL WHEN YOU -- WHEN I GOT THERE, IT WAS: KILL VC. AND I WAS GOOD AT WHAT I DID.

STEVE. OH, OH THAT'S PHOENIX PROGRAM. WE WOULD GO INTO VILLAGES AND WE WOULD HIT 'EM. WE WOULD LEAVE CHINESE AND NORTH VIETNAMESE LITERATURE ALL OVER. ON THE CORPSES, TACKED TO THE CORPSES. BURN PART OF THE VILLAGE. DO ALL OF THE THINGS THAT THE VC WERE DOING. THE GENERALS, THEY'D FLY IN, AND WE LEFT, THERE WASN'T A TRACE OF US. AND, THEY'D LAND WITH THE PRESS CORPS AND THEY'D GO: THIS IS WHAT WE'RE FIGHTING, THIS IS WHAT THE VC DO. THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE SEEING BACK IN THE UNITED STATES. I WAS THE ONE DOING A BUNCH OF THAT.

RATHER. YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU WENT INTO VILLAGES, KILLED PEOPLE, BURNED PART OF THE VILLAGE, AND MADE IT APPEAR THAT THE OTHER SIDE HAD DONE THIS.

STEVE. I COULDN'T KILL ANYMORE. AND I SAID: THAT'S IT. I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE. I CANNOT DO THIS. I CAN'T JUSTIFY THIS, I CAN'T DO IT.

I TURN SLOWLY, I SEE ONLY A FIELD GROWING, ARMS AND HANDS. REACHING FOR THE END OF THIS MADNESS, THIS THING THAT GRIPS PEOPLE, NATIONS, TEARING THEM DOWN FROM WITHIN. CAN YOU SEE FEAR NOW?

NARRATION. TWENTY YEARS LATER HE'S NOT TOTALLY REPAIRED. STEVE'S FOUND HELP IN WRITING. HE'S WRITTEN 50 POEMS. HE'S KEPT A JOURNAL. HE'S HAD ONE DISASTROUS MARRIAGE. ONE FAMILY DESTROYED BECAUSE HIS WIFE AND CHILD WERE TERRIFIED BY HIS RAGES. A SECOND WIFE AND PSYCHOLOGICAL THERAPY WHICH HE PAID FOR HIMSELF FINALLY DAMPENED DOWN THE FIRES OF ANGER.

STEVE. I CAME TO THE REALIZATION THAT I WAS NOT GOING TO HAVE A FMAILY. I WASN'T GOING TO HAVE ANYTHING UNLESS I COULD CHANGE ME, UNLESS I COULD GET OVER THE ANGER AND GET OVER THE SUICIDAL FITS OF DEPRESSION. I STARTED SERIOUSLY WORKING MYSELF. IT'S BEEN A HARD ROAD. FACING YOUR OWN SHADOWS IS A TOUGH ONE. I'M STILL WORKING ON IT. YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO BE WORKING ON IT THE REST OF MY LIFE.

NARRATION. THE DAY HE CAME OUT OF ACTION STEVE KNEW HE WAS SICK. HE KNEW COMBAT HAD MADE HIM DIFFERENT. HE ASKED FOR HELP. THAT'S UNUSUAL. MANY VETS DON'T. THEY HOLD BACK UNTIL THEY EXPODE. WHAT TO DO?

PORT ANGELES, WASHINGTON, ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT. A SIMPLE TREATMENT. OUTREACH. FIND THE VETS, BRING THEM TOGETHER. HAVE THEM TALK ABOUT IT, IF THEY CAN.

VETERAN. WHEN WE WERE GET, WHEN WE WENT ON THIS ONE MISSION, WE WERE GETTING OUT OF THE HELICOPTER AND, UH, ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE WAS A BUNCH OF ROCKETS GOING OFF...

NARRATION. SOME TALK SOME LISTEN. THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. HALF A MILLION VIETNAM VETERANS HAVE SOUGHT HELP FOR PTSD. WHAT THEY CAN'T SAY TO THE MEN WHO DIDN'T GO, WHAT THEY CAN'T SAY TO THEIR FAMILIES, SOMETIMES THEY CAN SAY TO EACH OTHER.

VETERAN. HAVE A CIGARETTE AND JUST HAVE SOME MILK, JUST TO CALM MY STOMACH DOWN AND MY NERVES.

DAN RATHER (ON CAMERA). IS THAT WHY YOU'RE SPENDING SO MUCH TIME IN THIS ROOM, SMALL ROOM, SHADES DRAWN?

GREUL. SOMETIMES THE PRESSURE OF A TYPICAL HOUSEHOLD, DOING ITS TYPICAL THING ...

GREUL. I COME TO THIS ROOM. IF I CAN'T TAKE IT IN THIS ROOM, I LEAVE HERE TO ANYWHERE I CAN BE LEFT ALONE.

NARRATION. AT THE BEGINNING, HE DROVE THROUGH CITY STREETS. BUT NOW HE DRIVES AIMLESSLY FOR HOURS THROUGH THESE WASHINGTON HILLS. HIS FAMILY SLEEPS.

GREUL. ON THE TICONDEROGA, ACCIDENTS DID HAPPEN. YOU'RE CONSTANTLY FACING THE DANGER OF BEING SUCKED IN THE AIRCRAFT. IN ONE MINUTE, AND I CAUGHT MYSELF DOING THIS TOO, IT'S LIKE: OH MY GOD, IN ONE MINUTE I ALMOST DIED SEVEN TIMES. A COUPLE OF SECONDS I'VE BEEN IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME, AND WAS BLOWN OFF THE FLIGHT DECK. JUST LIKE A RAG DOLL THROUGH THE AIR. I KNEW I WAS CUT UP, I KNEW I WAS HURTING, I JUST SIMPLY GOT UP, AND I WENT RIGHT BACK OUT THERE ON THE FLIGHT DECK, MORE OUT OF ANGER THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

GREUL. YES. I'M ON THE FLIGHT DECK. NIGHT OPERATIONS, RECOVERED AIRCRAFT, PROP JOB. HE WAS DIRECTING IT, OR WAITING FOR IT TO BE DIRECTED, I CAN'T RECALL EXACTLY.

GREUL. MY ATTEMPT WAS TOO LATE, MY ATTEMPT WASN'T EXECUTED LIKE I'D DONE BEFORE AND BEFORE. I MADE THE MISTAKE OF THINKING WHAT HE THOUGHT. AND THAT'S WHAT CAUSED IT.

GREUL. I JUST REACHED OUT HALF-THINKINGLY. AND BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT HE WAS AWARE WHEN HE WASN'T AWARE.

HE'LL NEVER LEAVE HIS GUARD DOWN AGAIN. ALWAYS VIGILANT. THAT WAS THE TRAUMA. GEORGE TELLS US THE AFTERMATH.

GREUL. YOU BECOME AND FEEL VERY OUTCAST. I FELT THAT VERY STRONG. AND YOU LOOK ANYWHERE, REALLY WHERE YOU FIT, AND IT DOESN'T HAPPEN. IT DOES NOT HAPPEN. I'VE FOUND THAT I'M LEANING REAL HEAVILY OF NOT REALLY HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH SOCIETY THAN IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSITY.

NARRATION. AT FIRST MOST PSYCHIATRISTS THOUGHT MEN LIKE GEORGE HAD WEAKNESSES THAT CAME OUT OF THEIR CHILDHOOD AND THAT THEY WOULD HAVE HAD PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS EVEN IF THEY HAD NOT GONE TO VIETNAM. NOW THE AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION SAYS THAT PTSD IS A DISORDER BROUGHT ON BY THE WAR. HAD GEORGE NOT SERVED, GEORGE WOULD NOT BE ILL. THAT'S WHAT THE PEOPLE IN TOWN TOLD US TOO.

GRUEL. ANGRY? I STILL FEEL ANGRY. IT, IT WAS AS IF IT WAS A BIG JOKE OVER THERE.

GRUEL. I FELT THAT MY CONTRIBUTION, FOR WHAT I DID, WAS A TOTAL WASTE. ABSOLUTE, TOTAL WASTE. AND I, WHAT I DID CONTRIBUTE, I GAVE MY SOUL, MY HEART, AND EFFORT, TO WHERE MY LIFE DIDN'T MATTER OVER THERE. TO THAT DEGREE. THREE HOURS.

NARRATION. HE TOLD MORE THAN HE WANTED TO. THOSE WHO TREAT THE EXPERIENCE SAY HE'S GOT TO GET IT ALL OUT BEFORE HE'LL START HEALING. MEANTIME HE DRIVES.

GRUEL. I, I GOT TO COOL THE FEELING THAT, UH, NOT TO EXPLODE. AND DO SOMETHING THAT, UH, I'LL JUST BE GUILTY FOR AGAIN.

RATHER. YOU'RE SAYING WHEN YOU LEAVE HERE AND YOU DRIVE OUT, YOU CAN PUT THE GUILT BEHIND YOU? OR YOU JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE?

GRUEL. I QUIT CARING COMPLETELY. I GET THE FEELING THAT I MIGHT NOT COME BACK. OR I JUST MAY SAY THE HELL WITH IT AND END IT.

NARRATION. PORT ANGELES IS A LUMBER TOWN, A BLUE COLLAR TOWN. ONE OF THE HARDEST WORKERS AT THE JAMES RIVER MILL IS GUY IREDALE. IREDALE IS A RESPECTED NAME IN THE COMMUNITY, AND GUY WORKS, ACTS AND TALKS LIKE THE MIDDLE OF MIDDLE AMERICA. BUT THERE'S ONE THING HE NEVER DISCUSSES AT WORK ... HIS TOUR OF DUTY IN VIETNAM. HE ONLY TALKS ABOUT VIETNAM AT HOME. GUY HAS PTSD.

NARRATION. THAT'S HIS SYMPTOM. AT FIRST HE TRIED TO WASH THEM AWAY WITH ALCOHOL. THAT'S COMMON. TO THEIR NEIGHBORS THE IREDALES ARE A WARM, LOVING FAMILY. BUT WHEN GUY WAS DRUNK, THE REPRESSED ANGER, RAGE, AND FEAR WERE TURNED ON HIS WIFE AND TWO BOYS.

IREDALE. I'VE DONE SOME DAMAGE, IN, IN THIS HOUSE. THINGS I'VE HAD TO FIX, REPLACE.

AND THEN YOU JUST TAKE IT OUT ON EVERYBODY, THE PEOPLE WHO ARE CLOSEST TO YOU, PEOPLE WHO ARE IN YOUR HOUSE. AND YOU, UH, DO THINGS TO 'EM THAT THEY DON'T DESERVE.

IREDALE. I'D GET VIOLENT. I'D GET DAMN VIOLENT. AND I'VE, I HAVE SCARED EVERY ONE OF THEM. SCARED 'EM RIGHT OUT OF THEIR WITS. CHASED THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE...

IREDALE. SURE. A SIDE OF ME THAT I DON'T LIKE. THE SCARY SIDE. I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.

NARRATION. HE'S SOBER NOW. THE FAMILY IS SAFE FROM ATTACK. THE LOVING, CARING HUSBAND AND FATHER IS BACK FROM THE WAR.

IREDALE. SOMEBODY TOLD ME ONCE THAT IF YOU HAVE A NIGHTMARE, YOU WRITE IT DOWN OR YOU DRAW IT. THAT WAY IT'LL STAY AWAY FROM YOU.

NARRATION. BEHIND THE HOUSE IS A GARAGE. IN THE BACK OF THE GARAGE, IN A CORNER, IS A VERY PRIVATE PLACE. THE FAMILY DOESN'T GO THERE BECAUSE IT'S ALL HIS. THERE'S A DARK THAT LEADS TO SOME BURLAP CURTAINS, AND [*S7688] BEHIND THE BURLAP THERE'S NO ELECTRICITY. THAT'S WHERE GUY TOOK US. HE'S DRAWN VIETNAM. HERE'S HIS PTSD.

IREDALE. THAT'S GUNNERY SERGEANT ROBINSON. HE GOT HIS FACE BLOWN OFF. SO I PUT IT THERE. THAT'S MY MAN HAMLET. I CARRIED HIM DOWN OFF THIS MOUNTAIN. KEPT TELLING HIM, "YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT, BOB." WAS SHOT, THROUGH THE HEART.

IREDALE. THAT? THAT'S A NIGHTMARE. IT IS THE AMBUSH. SEE, WE COME IN HERE, AND THESE MEN GOT OUT IN FRONT OF THIS BIG BOULDER, AND THEY GOT CUT DOWN. REAL FAST. AND WE COME IN, AND THERE'S A MAN HERE, BEEN SHOT THROUGH BOTH ELBOWS. ANOTHER GUY HAD BEEN SHOT THROUGH THE SHOULDER. AND THE GUY WHO'S BEEN SHOT THROUGH BOTH ELBOWS IS SCREAMING, CRYING. AND WE'RE STUCK RIGHT THERE ALL DAY. EVERYBODY PINNED DOWN AND EVERYBODY DEAD. LIEUTENANT COME TO ME AND HE TOLD ME YOU GOT TO GO UP AND GET HAMLET. THE GUNNY GOT HIS FACE BLOWED OFF, TRYING TO GO UP AND GET HAMLET. AND I SEEN IT HAPPEN. SEEN THAT HAPPEN, THAT WAS TERRIBLE. THAT WAS TERRIBLE. I COULDN'T GET MYSELF TO GO UP THERE AND DO THAT. I TRIED. I GOT WITHIN ABOUT TWENTY YARDS OF HIM. TWENTY YARDS. YEAH, JUST BEHIND THIS ROCK. AND HE SAT THERE, LEANING UP AGAINST THE BANK, AND HE LOOKED AT ME. WAITING FOR ME TO COME AND GET HIM. I COULDN'T DO IT. AND I LIVE WITH THAT. I LIVE WITH THAT. DAMN, I SWEAR, BOB, IF I COULD GO BACK I'D DO IT, MAN. I WOULD. I SURE WOULD.

RATHER. THESE ARE THE KIND OF EXPERIENCES THAT IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO GET ANYBODY TO LISTEN TO, MUCH LESS UNDERSTAND.

IREDALE. WELL IT'S REAL. IT'S WHAT WE LIVE WITH. THAT'S WHAT, THAT'S WHAT, THAT'S WHAT THIS DOES. THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. THAT'S WHY I'M SITTING HERE TELLING YOU THIS AND SHOWING YOU THIS. CAUSE IT'S REAL. AND PEOPLE GOTTA KNOW IT. YOU GOTTA REALIZE IT. I DON'T, DON'T TAKE THIS DOWN TO WORK. GUYS DOWN AT WORK ARE GONNA BE SHOCKED WHEN THEY SEE THIS. BUT IT'S REAL. AND THERE ARE GUYS OUT THERE WHO LIVE THIS EVERY DAY.

NARRATION. THE VIETNAM WAR WAS A WAR WITH A DIFFERENCE. WE FOUGHT AN UNSEEN ENEMY IN A SMALL, HOT COUNTRY, AND WE LOST. A DIFFERENT AFTERMATH THAN ANY OTHER WAR MEANT A DIFFERENT KIND OF HEALING. COLVILLE, WASHINGTON, WEDNESDAY EVENING. FAMILY COUNSELING CENTER.

NARRATION. NO USE SAYING THESE VETERANS SHOULD ACT LIKE WORLD WAR II VETERANS. THEY CAME BACK TO SILENCE WHILE THEIR FATHERS CAME BACK TO CHEERS.

NARRATION. IF THEY RESEMBLE ANY VETERANS, THEY ARE MOST LIKE THE EX-SOLDIERS OF THE CIVIL WAR, THE CONFEDERACY, MOURNERS OF A LOST CAUSE.

BRADLEY. TERRY BRADLEY, GERMANY '66-'67, VIETNAM '67-'68. KU CHI 127 WOLFHOUNDS.

NARRATION. THEY TELL THEIR BUDDIES THEIR WAR STORIES. SAD AND COLORFUL TALES. TELLING BECOMES HEALING. IT'S CALLED GROUP THERAPY.

BRADLEY. SEVENTEEN MISERABLE YEARS, RESTRAINTS, MY WIFE'S SEEN ME IN RESTRAINTS, AND STUFF, BECAUSE I SAID I'M NOT NUTS, I DON'T HAVE THIS STUFF. AND THEN THEY GIVE ME THESE, THESE LETTERS AND ALL. I GOT MANY A LETTER SAYING I HAVE ORGANIC BRAIN DAMAGE, PROGRESSED DEMENTIA, PSYCHOSIS. AND I WANT TO UPCHUCK. I'M STARTING, READY TO CRY. WHY DON'T I CRY NOW. I CRIED, I WINED, I CRIED AGAIN. I CRIED FOR SEVENTEEN YEARS. THE ONLY THING IN THIS MAN'S HEART IS HATE.

BRADLEY. WHEN WE CAME BACK TO STATESIDE, WE HAD ALL THIS IN US. WE DIDN'T HAVE FEELINGS, WE DIDN'T HAVE EMOTIONS. WE COULD KILL; WE WERE MURDERERS. WE FREAKY. WE WAS FREAKY. YOU KNOW, WE WAS.

NARRATION. WHEN HE CAME BACK HOME, TERRY COULDN'T CONTROL HIS VIOLENCE. HE COULDN'T ADJUST TO A LIFE WITHOUT COMBAT. STATESIDE HE STRUCK AN OFFICER, LOST HIS COMMAND, WENT TO THE STOCKADE, AND WAS DISCHARGED WITHOUT HONOR. IN VIETNAM, HE WAS A SUCCESS, A FIGHTING SERGEANT WHO LED MEN IN BATTLE. BACK HOME, HE WAS NOTHING; BECAUSE NOBODY NEEDED THE SKILLS OF A COMBAT SOLDIER. HE FELT STRIPPED OF HONORS. TERRY SAYS HE CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW HIS COUNTRY COULD MAKE HIM SUCH A FAILURE AS A CIVILIAN WHEN IT HAS MADE HIM SUCH A SUCCESS AS A FIGHTER. HE SPENT 10 YEARS IN AND OUT OF MENTAL HOSPITALS.

BRADLEY. I SEE THE ELEVATOR. I SEE YOU, I SAY, I SEE THE TV. I SEE THE WINDOW. AND EVERYTHING WAS INTO YOUR SIGHT PATTERN, AND THEN IT'S GONE AND THEN SOMETHING ELSE IMAGED IN YOUR BRAIN, HITTING THAT ALL TOGETHER. AND I WAS ROCKING, DIZZY, AND I LOOKED AT THIS UNPOPULAR NURSE, YOU KNOW, AND SHE SAID, TERRY YOU GOING THROUGH DRUG WITHDRAWAL.

BRADLEY. NO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T TAKE DRUGS. I SAID, 'I DON'T TAKE DRUGS,' AND SHE SAID, NO, DOC, THE MEDICINE YOU ON. WHY, HELL, THEY HAD ME ON FOUR, 10 MILLIGRAMS OF VALIUM A DAY, YOU KNOW. I TAKE ONE OF THOSE, UH, THORAZINE, MELADRYL, STELAZINE. CAN I GET YOU A LIST OF MEDICINE I TAKE, AND SHOW IT TO YOU RIGHT NOW?

NARRATION. IN THE '70S, PTSD WAS NOT RECOGNIZED BY THE MEDICAL PROFESSION. LIKE THOUSANDS OF OTHERS, TERRY WAS DIAGNOSED AS A PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIC AND TREATED WITH DRUGS.

BRADLEY. DAN, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOU TAKE THIS MEDICINE. AND THIS AIN'T, THIS AIN'T ALL THE LIST IN ONE DAY. AND YOU TAKE IT HOME AND YOU TAKE THIS THREE TIMES A DAY.

NARRATION. IN 1980 TERRY'S DISCHARGE WAS CHANGED TO HONORABLE. THAT GAVE HIM ACCESS TO THE VA HOSPITALS, WHERE THEY CONTINUED TO TREAT HIM WITH DRUGS. THAT SAME YEAR PTSD WAS RECOGNIZED AS A MENTAL DISORDER, AND THE TREATMENT OF CHOICE FOR TERRY SHOULD HAVE BEEN COUNSELING.

RATHER. IT'S HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT. I KNOW THAT YOU'RE A TRUTH-TELLER, BUT IT'S HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT.

BRADLEY. YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ME TELLING THE TRUTH. MY NAME ON THE BOTTLE. ALL OF THEM, YOU KNOW.

BRADLEY. OH YEAH, YOU WON'T FIND ONE AIN'T MY NAME ON IT. I MEAN, AFTER YOU'RE ON THIS STUFF AS MANY YEARS I WAS ON IT. IT TURN OUT, YOU CAN'T HOLD YOUR EMOTION WORTH CRAP, YOU KNOW. AND, I WAS ON THE FLOOR, CRAWLING AROUND ON THE FLOOR, AND THEY SAYING I WAS DYING. THEN THEY CAME UP WITH BRAIN SHOCK TREATMENTS. AND, THEN I TALKED TO THAT FAT NURSE AGAIN. I SHOULDN'T SAY IT, SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL.

NARRATION. IN 1985, TERRY AND HIS FAMILY MOVED TO COLVILLE AND STARTED OVER. USING ALL THEIR SAVINGS, THEY BEGAN THIS HOUSE. THE MONEY RAN OUT; THE HOUSE STANDS UNFINISHED.

TERRY EARNS NO MONEY. THE GOVERNMENT SENDS HIM CHECKS. HE GETS $931 A MONTH FROM SOCIAL SECURITY AND EMPLOYMENT DISABILITY. ANOTHER $400 COMES FROM VA COMPENSATION FOR PTSD. TERRY DOESN'T WORK. MASSIVE DRUG THERAPY MEDICATION HAS LEFT HIM WITH ORGANIC BRAIN DAMAGE. HE'S LEGALLY INCOMPETENT.

BRADLEY. THEY CALL ME INCOMPETENT. I CAN'T SIGN A CHECK. I'M A ADOLESCENT. THEY SAY I CAN'T DO NOTHING. I'M ASHAMED, DON'T THINK I'M NOT.

NARRATION. TERRY STILL TAKES MEDICATION: ANTABUSE TO CONTROL HIS ALCOHOLISM; SYNAQUON TO CURB THE DEPRESSION.

NARRATION. THE DRUGS CAN'T CALM HIS MIND. TERRY HIDES IN HIS BEDROOM SOMETIMES FOR HOURS.

BRADLEY. I CAGE MYSELF UP, IS WHAT I DO. AND I GET SECURE WHEN I GO TO BED. I LAY IN MY BED, AND NOBODY BOTHERS ME IN THIS BED. AND I GET SECURE, AND I CAN HIDE ALL MY PROBLEMS AWAY WHEN I PUT UP THE BLANKET OVER MY HEAD. AND THAT'S WHAT I DO, I, I SIT IN HERE AND I JUST DON'T WANT NOBODY TO KNOW WHO I AM. I DON'T LIKE MYSELF.

BRADLEY. LET'S SAY COULD YOU GO UP TO 50 PEOPLE IN AN HOUR, IN AN HOUR, LET'S SAY. AND GO OUT AND GET A KNIFE AND SKIN THEM. GET BABIES, ARMS, EYEBALLS, GUTS, AND HOLD THEIR HEART IN YOUR HAND. AND THROW THEM IN PILES. COULD YOU DO THIS FOR ONE HOUR OF YOUR LIFE, JUST STACK UP EVERY WAY A BODY COULD BE MANGLED, UP INTO A BODY, A ARM, A TIT, AN EYEBALL, A SOLDIER THAT TURNED OVER THAT DON'T HAVE NO FLFACE, UH, GUTS, MAGGOTS IF THEY BEEN THERE MORE THAN A DAY, WHATEVER, AND THE STINK AND THE SMELL, AND STUFF LIKE THIS. AND PILE THEM UP. AND DO THIS JUST AN HOUR, LET'S SAY, AND NOT, NOT HAVE THIS INSIDE YOU ALL YOUR LIFE. OKAY, IMAGINE US OVER THERE FOR A YEAR DOING IT CONTINUOUSLY. WHEW, THAT IS SICK. NO, AND NOT BE DEBRIEFED WHEN WE GOT BACK. NOT TO BE DEBRIEFED AND LEARN THIS BLOOM, THIS WATER, THIS GOOD. WE CAME BACK THERE WAS NOTHING GOOD.

BRADLEY. I'M SUICIDAL ABOUT IT. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE. BUT I TOLD MY BOY I WOULD NOT CRY. AND I'M AT A POINT OF IT NOW, AND I'M CORRECTING MYSELF. I WILL NOT CRY. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO BE NOBODY ALL MY LIFE. BUT I WANT TO BE ABLE TO COME HOME WITH SOME DIGNITY.

NARRATION. MEANTIME, TERRY DEPENDS ON THE TREES AND EARTH TO PROTECT HIM. AT NIGHT HE RETREATS TO THE WOODS BEHIND HIS HOUSE AND CALLS OUT HIS PAIN.

BRADLEY. AND I GO UP THERE AND I LAY IN SECLUSION, AND THEN NIGHTFALL COMES, AND AFTER NIGHTS, AND I HOWL. IT BRINGS OUT THE PAIN, THE HURT, THE SADNESS THAT HAPPENED THROUGHOUT THESE TWENTY YEARS.

NARRATION. TERRY, LIKE OTHER VETS, FEELS THAT THE LARGER COMMUNITY DOESN'T ACCEPT HIM. HE'S AFRAID OF THEM, THEY'RE AFRAID OF HIM.

[*S7689] J. MICHAELSON. THE WATER DOESN'T DO ANYTHING, THE PERSON ADMINISTERING THE BAPTISM DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. IT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE. THE SPIRIT OF GOD HAS VISITED TERRY.

NARRATION. HE FEELS MOST AT EASE WITH OTHER VETS. AT HIS BAPTISM, HE WAS SURROUNDED BY MEMBERS OF HIS RAP GROUP AND THEIR FAMILIES.

J. MICHAELSON. I BAPTIZE YOU IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE HOLY GHOST, AMEN.

J. MICHAELSON. AS I STARTED WORKING WITH VETS HERE, WHILE I WAS IN MINISTRY, I STARTED TO REALIZE THAT SOME OF THE GUYS THAT WERE REALLY HURTING WEREN'T REALLY ANY DIFFERENT FROM ME.

NARRATION. PREACHER JOHN DID ONE TOUR OF DUTY AS A COMBAT MARINE. HIS WAR EXPERIENCE RESULTED IN PTSD, AND HIS DOMINANT SYMPTOM IS ALIENATION: THAT MEANS HOSTILITY AND DISTRUST.

J. MICHAELSON. THE GROUND MAKES ME FEEL SAFE. IT'S MY GROUND. I GOT THE REACH ON ANYBODY; I CAN SEE OR HEAR ANYBODY LONG BEFORE THEY CAN SEE OR HEAR ME. AND IT'S A COMFORT TO ME.

NARRATION. FOR FOURTEEN YEARS, HE'S GUARDED THE MOUNTAIN HE LIVES ON. HIS WIFE, KENDRA, GAVE BIRTH TO THREE OF THEIR FOUR CHILDREN IN THIS HOUSE.

J. MICHAELSON. THE FIRST THING I BUILT WAS THE BASEMENT. THAT BASEMENT WAS JUST LIKE A BUNKER. IT REALLY WAS, JUST LIKE A COMMAND BUNKER. IT'S GOT GOOD COVER.

COVER ISN'T JUST HIDING, COVER IS SOMETHING THAT WILL SOAK UP LEAD, YOU KNOW. ONLY THING THAT CAN GET IN HERE IS MORTARS, AND YOU DON'T SEE TOO MANY PEOPLE PACKING MORTARS AROUND THIS COUNTRY.

KENDRA MICHAELSON. IN THE EARLY DAYS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP, HE WOULD MAKE A REFERENCE TO VIETNAM, AND I WOULD SAY I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. I VERY DEFINITELY SHUT HIM OUT. I COULD NOT ONLY DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT IS HAPPENED, I COULDN'T DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT HE WAS A PART OF IT.

NARRATION. HE HUNTS. HE LEARNED ABOUT GUNS BEFORE 'NAM. HIS FATHER WAS A MARINE TOO.

J. MICHAELSON. I LOST A WHOLE BUNCH OF MY ILLUSIONS IN A HURRY. WE WEREN'T GODS, AND WE COULD GET OUR ASS KICKED. I WAS REALLY ANGRY, BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT WAS ALL JUST A BIG CROCK. WE'D BEEN LIED TO AND USED...

NARRATION. THE SOLDIER JOINED THE ANTI-WAR MOVEMENT. WHEN HE RETURNED HOME, HE DEMONSTRATED AGAINST THE VIETNAM WAR. HE HARBORED DESERTERS AND WAS HUNTED BY THE FBI. LIFE ON THE RUN GAVE JOHN AN ADRENALINE RUSH, JUST AS IT DID IN VIETNAM.

J. MICHAELSON. SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT WALKING POINT. YOU KNOW, I GET A SIMILAR FEELING. HAVE THAT FEELING OF EXPECTANCY, YOU KNOW. JUST FEELING ON, LISTENING. I'M PROBABLY A BETTER GRUNT NOW THAT I WAS 20 YEARS AGO. MORE PRACTICE.

K. MICHAELSON. HE'S NEVER HIT, HIT OUT IN A REALLY DESTRUCTIVE FASHION WITH EITHER ME OR THE CHILDREN, AND I'VE BEEN VERY GRATEFUL FOR THAT. BECAUSE THAT'S, UH, SOMETHING THAT VETS HAVE A REAL PROBLEM WITH.

J. MICHAELSON. WHEN I'M IN MY CORNER, I'VE GOT ALL MY BOOKS THERE, MY BACK'S AGAINST THE WALL. I GOT ALL MY PIECES UP ABOVE ME, AND THEY REMIND ME THAT I'M SAFE. I CAN LOSE MYSELF IN THAT LITTLE TINY PIECE OF THAT LITTLE TINY ROOM. NOBODY WANTS TO REACH IN THERE. YOU'VE PUT UP NO TRESPASSING SIGNS ALL OVER THE PLACE. YOU'VE MADE IT VERY PLAIN, "DON'T MESS WITH ME, MAN, OR I'LL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF."

NARRATION. HE AND KENDRA HAVE ALWAYS PAID THEIR TAXES. HE'S ALWAYS HAD A GOOD JOB AND TAKEN CARE OF HIS FAMILY. HE DECIDED TO BECOME A MINISTER, GRADUATED FROM DIVINITY SCHOOL WITH HONORS, BUT LOST HIS PARISH BECAUSE OF FAMILY PROBLEMS.

HE HAD WORKED IN THE SAWMILL BEFORE, AND HE WENT BACK TO IT. ONE THING CAUSES TROUBLE. JOHN CAN'T TOLERATE AUTHORITY. ABOVE ALL, HE DOESN'T TRUST HIS GOVERNMENT. HE KNOWS HE NEEDS COUNSELING, AND SO HE'LL ACCEPT THAT HELP. BUT ALTHOUGH THE VA MIGHT ALSO PAY HIM BENEFITS FOR HIS ILLNESS, HE WON'T EVEN APPLY.

J. MICHAELSON. NO, PISS ON THOSE PEOPLE. THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. YOU KNOW, YOU CAN GO IN THERE MISSING ONE LEG AND THEY'LL TELL YOU YOU GOT BOTH OF THEM. WHY TALK TO THOSE PEOPLE; I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THEM.

NARRATION. SATURDAY MORNINGS JOHN AND KENDRA DRIVE A HUNDRED MILES TO SPOKANE TO BE WITH THEIR TWO OLDER CHILDREN.

J. MICHAELSON. I THINK PTSD IS CATCHING. MY WIFE HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. SHE DOESN'T TOLERATE HOSTILITY WELL, AND SHE'D BEEN LIVING WITH IT FOR TOO MANY YEARS. SHE FINALLY LOST IT. AND IT'S LIKE A DISEASE THAT SPREAD TO MY FAMILY. I HAVE TWO KIDS RIGHT NOW IN TREATMENT CENTERS 'CUZ THEIR OLD MAN MESSED 'EM UP SO BAD.

NARRATION. TWELVE-YEAR-OLD ELIJAH LIVES IN AN INSTITUTION BECAUSE HE'S SO VIOLENT. HE THREATENED TO KILL HIS SCHOOL PRINCIPAL. FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD KACHINA LIVES IN A JUVENILE CENTER BECAUSE SHE RAN AWAY AND DRANK HEAVILY. THE CHILDREN ARE SECOND GENERATION CASUALTIES OF WAR.

K. MICHAELSON. EVERYTIME WE COME DOWN FOR A VISIT, IT JUST IS, IT JUST EATS YOUR HEART OUT. IT'S REALLY HARD TO SEE THEM.

J. MICHAELSON. IT SEEMS LIKE I TAKE TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY, AT TIMES, FOR WHERE THE KIDS ARE AT. BUT I FEEL LIKE MAYBE I HAVEN'T TAKEN ENOUGH.

WE TRY SO HARD TO LOOK NORMAL. BUT KIDS ARE REAL HONEST. THEY DON'T HIDE ANYTHING. I GUESS THAT'S ONE REASON IT'S BEEN SO HARD FOR ME TO SEE THEM COMING APART, TO SEE THEM NOT COPING WELL, TO SEE ESPECIALLY ELIJAH, WITH HIS UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE, VIOLENCE AND DEEP DEPRESSION. HE'S LEFT SUICIDE NOTES SINCE HE WAS ABLE TO WRITE. YOU KNOW, I LOOK AT THAT AND IT'S LOOKING IN A MIRROR AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SEE. I DON'T MIND LIVING WITH ALL THAT STUFF IN ME, BUT I DON'T LIKE TO LOOK AT IT IN MY KIDS 'CUZ I KNOW WHERE THEY GOT IT FROM.

NARRATION. EARLY THIS YEAR, KENDRA TOOK THE CHILDREN AND LEFT JOHN ALONE WITH HIS RAGE AND ANGER.

J. MICHAELSON. WHEN YOU WERE IN 'NAM YOU HAD SOMETHING YOU COULD DO. YOU COULD RIP IT ALL OUT, 30 ROUNDS AT A WHACK, MAN, I MEAN, I, MAKE YOUR BARREL OF YOUR 60 TRANSLUCENT, JUST ORANGE, YOU CAN JUST SEE THE ROUNDS COMING OUT OF THAT SUCKER. YOU GOT SOMETHING YOU CAN DO WITH IT. YOU GOT NOTHING YOU CAN DO WITH IT HERE. NOTHING YOU CAN DO WITH IT HERE. YOU DON'T DO IT AT HOME, THAT'S FOR SURE.

RICE. OH, I WAS WATCHING A MOVIE LAST NIGHT AND THERE WAS A PART IN THERE, A SMALL SHOOT-OUT, BUT ONE OF THE GUYS, INSTEAD OF JUST DYING, LET'S OUT THIS LONG, LONG, SHRILLING SCREAM, AND IT JUST . . .

NARRATION. FLASHBACK IS THE CLINICAL NAME OF THE PTSD SYMPTOM THAT MIKE SUFFERS FROM. HE'S ABOUT TO RELIVE THE EMOTIONS HE FELT AT THE TIME THE TRAUMA HAPPENED. NOT JUST REMEMBERING THE INCIDENT BUT BREAKING UNDER IT.

RICE. YEAH, THEY THREW GRENADES FIRST, THAT'S WHAT GOT MOODY AND DOZIER. AFTER I GOT MOODY AND DOZIER TO THE HOSPITAL, I CAME BACK. I NOTICED, UH, SERGEANT KINDA LAYING OVER SOME OF THE PIPES OVER THERE, AND, UH, I KNEW HE WAS HURT. AND, HE'D ALWAYS KINDA COME AROUND, AND HE'D SHOW US THE PICTURE OF HIS FAMILY: HIS WIFE, HIS LITTLE BOY, AND LITTLE GIRL. HE WAS JUST LAYING OVER THERE. (SOBS) AND, I THOUGHT, GOD, NO ONE'S HELPING THIS GUY, YOU KNOW. SO I RAN OVER THERE (SOBS) TO HELP HIM, AND I REACHED OUT AND GRABBED HIM AND HE WAS BLOWN IN HALF (SOBS), HE WAS PHYSICALLY BLOWN IN HALF. THERE WAS JUST HIS TOP HALF. THERE WAS JUST HIS TOP HALF LEFT. (SOBS) AND I JUST BACKED AWAY FROM HIM BECAUSE I JUST HAD TO. (CRYING)

NARRATION. HE'S HEALING. HE'S HEALING BECAUSE UNTIL RECENTLY HE COULDN'T TELL HIS STORY TO ANYONE. HE HAD HIS FLASHBACKS ALONE. THEY'D BE TRIGGERED BY A CAR BACKFIRE -- OR TODAY'S THUNDERCAP COULD SEND HIM BACK TO 1970.

AT THAT TIME HE DID SENTRY PATROLLING WITH A DOG. HE GUARDED HIS BUDDIES BY NIGHT. MIKE STILL LIVES BY NIGHT.

RICE. I'M FINDING OUT A LOT OF THINGS I DID IN 'NAM I STILL DO NOW. I WORK GRAVEYARD. I'VE BEEN ON DAYSHIFT. I COULD STILL BE THERE, BUT I GOTTA SLEEP AT NIGHT AND I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT. SO IT'S EASIER TO WORK AT NIGHT. I HAVE TO BE THERE FOR MY BOYS. AND SO I STAY ON THE JOB I'M AT. IF IT WASN'T FOR THEM, I'D TAKE OFF. IT'S EASY TO GO SOMEPLACE NEW WHERE YOU'RE NOT KNOWN, BECAUSE YOU CAN LEAVE A LOT OF THINGS BEHIND FOR AWHILE. IT'S SOMEPLACE NEW, IT'S A NEW START.

NARRATION. MIKE IS THE FIRST TO ADMIT HE RAN AWAY. HE'S HAD THREE SHORT-TERM MARRIAGES, AND TWO SONS HE RARELY SAW UNTIL RECENTLY WHEN MORGAN CAME TO LIVE WITH HIM. SO LONG AS HE WAS RULED BY HIS FLASHBACKS, THE PAST MEANT MORE THAN THE PRESENT. HE MOVED IN AND OUT OF PLACES AND EVENTS AS A RUNAWAY. NOW THAT HIS SON IS HERE, MIKE IS MORE STABLE; ANOTHER SIGN OF HEALING. HE WANTED US TO SEE THE EMPTY APARTMENT WHERE HE USED TO LIVE ALONE. WE FOUND THAT WHEN MIKE RETURNS HERE IT'S AS IF HE NEVER LEFT.

RICE. UH, I JUST, UH, I COME UP HERE TO FORGET A LOT. I CAN GET IN HERE AND I CAN DRAW THE BLINDS AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHETHER TO GET PERMISSION TO FIRE OR NOT. I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING, I CAN JUST GET IN HERE AND LISTEN TO MUSIC OR TURN THE TV ON AND AND TRY TO FILL MY HEAD WITH ANYTHING BUT WHAT I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER.

RATHER. YOU SERVED YOUR TOUR, YOU CAME BACK. DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY YOU CAME BACK?

RICE. UH, YEAH. YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT DAY. AND I'M WAITING FOR MY FLIGHT. AND, UH, OFF DOWN THE CORRIDOR, I NOTICE THIS -- HE WAS A SOLDIER, AND THIS ONE LADY, SHE WALKED UP TO HIM AND SHE SPIT IN HIS FACE. AND, UH, I THOUGHT, "JESUS CHRIST, MAN, I NEED A HOLE TO HIDE IN." I DIDN'T WANT NO ONE TO LOOK AT ME IN THIS UNIFORM. I WASN'T GONNA, I COULDN'T HAVE HANDLED THAT.

RICE. LADY, YOU'RE WRONG. YOU MAY HAVE FEELINGS AND YOU GOT YOUR OPINIONS AND YOUR RIGHT TO 'EM. BUT WE DID WHAT WE WERE TOLD TO DO AND WE DID IT FOR OUR COUNTRY. AND WE DID IT FOR OUR GOVERNMENT. AND WE DID WHAT WAS RIGHT. AND WE SURVIVED. YOU AIN'TGOT NO RIGHT TO TREAT US LIKE DIRT.

NARRATION. LATER WEDNESDAY NIGHT. THE RAP GROUP IS WINDING DOWN. ONE SYMPTOM THEY ALL TALK ABOUT IS SURVIVOR'S GUILT. WHY AM I HERE ALIVE WHILE SO MANY MEN BETTER THAN I ARE THERE AND DEAD. THE INEQUALITY OF SACRIFICE CALLS FOR CONSOLATION.

THESE MEN CONTRACTED THE DISEASE IN THEIR LATE TEENS, AND THEY STILL SUFFER FROM IT IN [*S7690] THEIR FORTIES. PTSD WILL NOT GO AWAY WITH TIME ... LEFT UNTREATED, IT IS A BURDEN TO BE ADDED TO THE BURDENS OF AGE.

NARRATION. JUST BEFORE DAWN ON A WINDY NIGHT, THREE MEN YOU'VE MET IN THIS REPORT CAME TO SEE THE VIETNAM MEMORIAL IN WASHINGTON, D.C... AT OUR INVITATION. THEY STOPPED FIRST AT A STATUE BUILT FOR VETERANS WHO ASKED RECOGNITION FOR THE DEEDS OF AMERICAN MILITARY.

NARRATION. THIS BOOK LISTS THE LOCATION ON THE WALL OF THE NAMES OF THE MEN WHO PERISHED. JOHN WANTS TO FIND THE PLACEMENT OF RALPH KNUDSEN WHO DIED IN HIS ARMS. THE NAME TERRY IS LOOKING FOR IS VENTLINE, A SOLIDER WHO WAS TORN TO PIECES IN FRONT OF HIM. HE FOUND HIM.

J. MICHAELSON. IT WAS LATE ENOUGH AT NIGHT. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE TWENTY-FIFTH INSTEAD OF THE TWENTY-FOURTH.

J. MICHAELSON. I GUESS WE MISSED ONE, HUH. HE WAS KILLED BY FRIENDLY FIRE, YOU KNOW. AH, I MEAN, ONE OF OUR OWN GUYS GOT HIM, AND MAYBE THEY DIDN'T PUT THEM DOWN, HUH.

NARRATION. WHEN MEMORY IS BLOCKED, IT'S NOT ALWAYS SIMPLE FORGETFULNESS. ONE OF MIKE'S SERGEANTS WAS KILLED BEFORE HIS EYES IN JUNE OF 1970. HE'S BEEN HAUNTED BY THE FACT THAT HE'S FORGOTTEN THE MAN'S NAME.

NARRATION. FOR YEARS AMERICA SHUT OUT THE VIETNAM EXPERIENCE. DURING THE WAR, VIETNAM WAS A NATIONAL OBSESSION. AFTERWARDS, AMNESIA STRUCK. AMNESIA -- TOTAL FORGETFULNESS -- HAPPENS WHEN THE PAIN CAUSED BY MEMORY IS SO GREAT THAT LIFE ITSELF IS THREATENED. FOR AMERICANS, VIETNAM WAS AN UNSPOKEN WORD. NOW THE NATIONAL MEMORY HAS COME BACK. MEANWHILE, MIKE, JOHN AND TERRY, AND THE OTHERS WHO BORE MEMORY WHILE WE FORGOT, LIVE IN THE PAST WE OVERLOOKED.

BRADLEY. I'M ASHAMED. I WORK ON THIS PROBLEM. I'M COMING OUT FIVE MINUTES A WEEK, MAYBE TEN MINUTES. AND HOPEFULLY, THROUGHOUT ANOTHER FIVE TO TEN YEARS I CAN REGAIN MY RESPECT FOR MYSELF AS A SOLDIER AND A HUMAN BEING. MESSED UP PRETTY BAD.

J. MICHAELSON. MY GOD, WHAT A SCAR. I WAS THINKING I BELONG UP THERE ON THAT WALL, NOT STANDING IN FRONT OF IT. NOTHING HAPPENS OVERNIGHT. I'M GONNA BE CHEWING ON THAT WALL FOR A LONG TIME, AND EVERY LITTLE BITE OF IT THAT I TAKE IS GONNA BE MORE GROWTH, MORE HEALING. I WANNA COME BACK.

NARRATION. WE HAVE SHOWN THE SYMPTOMS OF PTSD SO THAT YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE THEM IN FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR AND SELF. BUT IT HAS STRUCK US THAT THIS DISEASE AND ITS CURE HAVE AN EERIE PARALLEL IN THE NATIONAL EXPERIENCE. IF THESE SOLDIERS MUST GET IT ALL OUT AND RECOGNIZE WHAT THEY DID BEFORE THEY CAN BE CURED, WELL THE SAME MIGHT BE SAID OF THE NATION. IF AT FIRST THEY OBSESS ABOUT VIOLENCE AND DEATH AND EVIL, YEARS LATER THE COUNTRY HAS COME TO THE SAME OBSESSION... EVIDENCED BY TODAY'S WAR MOVIES. IF AFTERWARDS, THEY LEARN TO LIVE WITH WHAT THEY DID AND FOLD IT INTO THEIR NORMAL LIVES, THE SAME HEALING PROCESS MAY LEAD THE WAY FOR THE NATION. THESE WOUNDED MEN WHO WERE LEFT BEHIND FORETELL THE FUTURE. I'M DAN RATHER.

NARR. TREATMENT BEGAN HERE, IN THE HILLS OF MALIBU, CALIFORNIA. HIS NAME IS SHAD MESHAD, AND HE TOOK US TO A PLACE WHERE TWENTY YEARS AGO HE FOUND A GROUP OF VETERANS SICK WITH PTSD. THEY MISTRUSTED SOCIETY, THEIR GOVERNMENT, AND ESPECIALLY THE VETERANS ADMINISTRATION.

SHAD SYNC. OH, EXACTLY. (UNDER) I WAS IN I-CORPS MOST OF MY TOUR. THIS IS I-CORPS.

NARR. MESHAD, BOTH A VETERAN AND A THERAPIST, TRIED TO HELP. AT THE TIME THE ONLY THING HE COULD DO WAS TO GET THEM TO TALK IT OUT. TALKING MIGHT KEEP THEM FROM SELF-DESTRUCTION.

SHAD SYNC. ONE GUY, ONE GUY WAS JUST BASHING HIS HEAD AND HIS HANDS, HE WAS ALL BLOODIED, AND HE WAS JUST TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF AND HE WANTED TO DO IT MANLY; HE WASN'T GONNA CUT HIS WRISTS OR WHATEVER. HE JUST WANTED TO GO OUT VIOLENTLY.

NARR. TWENTY YEARS LATER THIS IS THE RESULT OF MESHAD'S WORK. SMALL STOREFRONT MEETING PLACES THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY CALLED VET CENTERS. CONGRESS INSISTED THAT THE RELUCTANT VETERANS ADMINISTRATION GET OUT OF WASHINGTON AND DO SOMETHING LOCAL AND INNOVATIVE. GIVE THEM PLACES TO TALK IT OUT *** OUTSIDE OF V.A. HOSPITALS.

TERRY SYNC. I CAME OUT AND THEY THREW ME OUT OF THE ARMY. THEY TORE OFF MY STRIPES, TORE OFF MY MEDALS, AND BRANDED ME TO BE A NUT.

ANDERSON SYNC. I WAS DRINKING A LOT *** I WAS, JUMPING ON MY WIFE ALL THE TIME, JUMPING ON MY KIDS ALL THE TIME.

VET SYNC. I DON'T THINK THERE'S A MAN HERE, INCLUDING MYSELF, THAT AIN'T THOUGHT ABOUT SNUFFIN' IT.

MICHAELSON SYNC. I'M IN THERE ALL BY MYSELF; EXCEPT RIGHT HERE. THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE WHERE I'M NOT BY MYSELF. AND I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY ELSE FEELS THAT WAY OR NOT ***

NARR. THERE ARE 189 CENTERS IN ALL. IN EIGHT YEARS MORE THAN HALF-A-MILLION VETS HAVE COME IN FOR HELP.

STEVE HAS JUST FOUND A VET CENTER. HE'S POISED, WELL-EDUCATED -- BUT HEAR HIM WELL. PART OF HIS MIND IS STILL PATROLLING VIETNAM.

STEVE VO. I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND A LOT OF STRANGERS. I GO TO A SHOPPING MALL, AND IT'S MAKE A BEELINE IN, HIT THE STORE, GET WHAT YOU WANT, AND GET OUT. YOU HAVE TO LOOK IN EVERY EYE THAT GOES BY YOU, AND YOU HAVE TO SCAN THE ENTIRE ENVIRONMENT, FROM LEFT TO RIGHT, UP AND DOWN.

NARR. HE'S EXCESSIVELY ALERT, ALWAYS ON GUARD. TO THE CASUAL EYE, HE LOOKS LIKE THE IDEAL AMERICAN VETERAN. GOOD NEIGHBOR, FAMILY MAN. BUT FOR 20 YEARS HE BROUGHT HIS RAGE AND ANGER HOME EACH NIGHT. HE WON'T TALK ABOUT HIS FIRST MARRIAGE. HIS SECOND WAS IN TROUBLE UNTIL HE FOUND THE VET CENTER. NOW THINGS ARE BETTER AT HOME.

STEVE VO. AND I WISH THAT THERE HAD BEEN SOMEONE, ANYONE, THAT COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO HELP ME A LONG TIME AGO. I WOULDN'T HAVE HURT MYSELF, AND I WOULDN'T HAVE HURT THE ONES THAT ARE AROUND ME AS MUCH AS I HAVE.

NARR. AT WORK, STEVEN'S A SUCCESS -- ALWAYS IN CONTROL. HE SUPPRESSES THOUGHTS ABOUT THE DAY AN ENEMY ROCKET BLEW UP HIS FIREBASE. THAT TRAUMA LEFT HIM WITH P.T.S.D.

STEVE VO. I REMEMBER LOOKING AT THE PILE OF MEN THAT HAD BEEN ALIVE AN HOUR BEFORE AND WERE DEAD NOW. *** I WAS ONE OF THE COUPLE OF GUYS THAT PICKED THEM UP AND PUT THEM ON THE MEDIVAC CHOPPERS AS THEY WENT OUT ... YOU KNOW, PARTS OF THE BODIES WERE COMING OFF IN MY HANDS, AND IT WAS REALLY VERY *** BUT I KNOW I WENT NUMB. I WAS JUST TOTALLY NUMB. AND I FELT AGED WHEN I CAME BACK. I KNEW I WAS ONLY 20 THAT DAY, BUT I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN 80.

NARR. THERE ARE PROFESSIONALS ALL OVER AMERICA LIKE STEVE. THEY'RE SUFFERING FROM DELAYED STRESS. THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM. THAT INCLUDES DOCTORS, LAWYERS, BANKERS, LITERATE PEOPLE WHO SURPRISINGLY HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THE DISORDER. STEVE'S UPSET THAT HE LEARNED ABOUT HIMSELF SO LATE. HE BLAMES THE V.A. FOR FAILING TO SPREAD THE WORD.

STEVE VO. I RESENT IT. I HAD NO IDEA THAT THERE WAS ANYTING CALLED P.T.S.D. I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT IT ON THE RADIO, NEWSPAPER, T.V.

NARR. YOU CAN HAVE UNTREATED P.T.S.D. AND LIVE IN SUBURBIA. BUT IT'S MORE LIKELY YOU'LL BE LIVING IN THE STREETS. ONE OUT OF THREE HOMELESS MEN IS A VIETNAM VETERAN. ONE-THIRD OF THE MEN WITHOUT SHELTER SERVED THEIR COUNTRY IN WARTIME.

CASPAR VO. WHEN I CAME BACK FROM THE 'NAM, I HAD QUITE A HABIT. JOHNNY COME MARCHING HOME AGAIN HURRAH, HURRAH. ONLY THING, THE GUN I WAS CARRYING WHEN I CAME BACK WAS A LITTLE SYRINGE.

NARR, CASPAR'S HOME IS HIS CAR. HE STOPPED USING HEROIN, BUT HE SHOWS OTHER P.T.S.D SYMPTOMS: A WANDERING LIFESTYLE, NIGHTMARES, ISOLATION.

CASPAR VO. YOU FIND OUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, AFTER PRAYING, SAYING THANK YOU, MADE IT ANOTHER DAY -- LOOK AT THE REALITIES. I'M ALONE. ALONE.

NARR. P.T.S.D. IS A DISEASE THAT DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE. IT REACHES FROM THE VETERANS WHO WORK IN THE BOARD ROOMS TO THE VETERANS WHO SLEEP IN THE STREETS.

CASPAR VO. A LOT OF MY BROTHERS, VETERANS, ARE ON THE STREET BECAUSE THEY CAN'T PUT THE 'NAM AWAY. TO THEM, THEIR BODY'S HERE, BUT THEIR MIND AND ACTIONS ARE STILL THERE. TO [*S7691] ME, THE STREETS ARE, SHALL WE SAY, MY HIDEAWAY.

NARR. CASPAR HAS NEVER BEEN TO A VET CENTER. EXPERTS SAY THERE COULD BE AS MANY AS 500,000 VIETNAM VETERANS STILL IN NEED OF COUNSELING. THAT SO MANY HAVE BEEN LEFT BEHIND IS OFTEN ATTRIBUTED TO A LACK OF ZEAL ON THE PART OF THE VETERANS ADMINISTRATION.

SYNC. HAS NEVER LIKED THE VET CENTER PROGRAM. IT'S AN INSULT, BASICALLY AN EMBARRASSMENT.

NARR. THE V.A.'S ESTABLISHED ROUTINES AND PROCEDURES COULDN'T INCLUDE THE NEW THERAPIES REQUIRED TO TREAT P.T.S.D., MESHAD EXPLAINS.

SHAD SYNC. THE V.A. ADMINISTRATOR LIKED ME AND BROUGHT ME IN TO DO THIS PROGRAM, AND IT WAS JAMMED DOWN THE V.A.'S THROAT. I MEAN, LITERALLY, IT WAS STATED THAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER TO PUT THE VET CENTER PROGRAM UNDER FORESTRY OR AGRICULTURE, AS FUNNY AS THAT MAY SOUND, FOR THE LOGISTICAL SUPPORT THAT WE NEEDED TO GET STARTED. AND WE WERE A LITTLE 20-MILLION-DOLLAR-PLUS PROGRAM THAT TOOK CARE OF ALL THE VIETNAM VETS, AND HERE THEY GOT A $24 BILLION PROGRAM THAT COULDN'T ADDRESS VIETNAM VETS.

NARR. DESPITE THE V.A.'S RELUCTANCE, CONGRESS WAS DETERMINED TO MAKE THE PROGRAM MORE EFFECTIVE. IT EXPANDED THE SCOPE OF THE VET CENTERS *** BUT AT THE SAME TIME, FIXED A DATE WHEN THE CENTERS HAD TO BE CLOSED DOWN. THE V.A. DIDN'T OBJECT. IT HAD ITS OWN PLAN FOR TREATING P.T.S.D. PHYSICALLY MOVE THE CENTERS.

IN SHORT, THE PROGRAM THAT WORKED SO WELL OUTSIDE HOSPITAL WALLS WAS TO BE PUSHED INSIDE, BROUGHT INTO V.A. MENTAL HYGIENE CLINICS.

ACUTELY ILL VETS WOULD BE TREATED IN PSYCHIATRIC WARDS. THE V.A. ADMITS NO MONEY WOULD BE SAVED NOR WOULD TREATMENT BE BETTER. MANY VETS ARE SUSPICIOUS. THEY DON'T WANT TO MINGLE WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE A LOT SICKER THAN THEY ARE. ONE VETERAN FEARS DRUGS.

STEVE VO. I DON'T TRUST V.A. HOSPITALS. PEOPLE GO INTO V.A. HOSPITALS AND END UP ON THORAZINE, SHUFFLING ALONG THE HALLS. MOST OF THE VETS THAT I KNOW WON'T GO ANYWHERE NEAR A V.A. HOSPITAL UNLESS THEY'RE DYING.

SHAD VO. THE VIETNAM VETS DON'T TRUST THE VETERANS ADMINISTRATION. THEY TRUST THE VET CENTER PROGRAM AND THE COUNSELORS. THEY DON'T SEE IT AS A V.A. PROGRAM.

SYNC. THEIR TRUST IS WITH THE CENTERS, AND YOU TEAR THAT HOME DOWN, IT'S LIKE BURNING THE VILLAGES DOWN AS WE DID IN VIETNAM, AND THAT'S HOME. AND THAT'S, THAT WAS THE PAIN. YOU CAN'T JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND SAY, THIS IS HOME.

NARR. EARLY LAST YEAR, EVEN BEFORE THE DATE CONGRESS HAD ESTABLISHED, THE V.A. IN UNCHARACTERISTIC HASTE LISTED NINE LOCAL CENTERS IT INTENDED TO CLOSE.

DAN VO. THEN WHY DID THE VETERANS ADMINISTRATION ATTEMPT TO BEGIN CLOSING SOME OF THE VET CENTERS?

(BLANK O/C.) NARR. DR. ARTHUR BLANK IS THE V.A.'S MAN IN CHARGE. HE DIRECTS THE VET CENTER PROGRAM FROM WASHINGTON.

BLANK SYNC. THE LAW REQUIRES -- AS IT IS PRESENTLY STATED -- THAT A NUMBER OF VET CENTERS MOVE TO MEDICAL FACILITIES. AND A JUDGMENT WAS MADE THAT SINCE THAT WAS GOING TO HAVE TO BE DONE ON A LARGE SCALE, IT OUGHT TO BE DONE ON A SMALL SCALE TO SEE HOW IT GOES.

BLANK SYNC. WELL, IT'S A LITTLE HARD TO UH, UH, AGAIN, THIS IS A POLICY MATTER AND I REALLY CAN'T, UH, I CAN'T MAKE A JUDGMENT AS SUCH ABOUT A POLICY MATTER.

BLANK SYNC. THAT'S NOT MY JOB. MY JOB'S NOT TO HAVE THE LAW CHANGED. MY JOB IS FOR US TO PROVIDE THE SERVICES, AND THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING.

DAN SYNC. ISN'T IT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TRY TO INFLUENCE CONGRESS AND HAVE THEM PROVIDE WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS NECESSARY?

BLANK SYNC. NO, IT'S CERTAINLY NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO TRY AND INFLUENCE CONGRESS.

GUY SYNC. WE ARE DIFFERENT. AND FOR SOMEONE TO TRY TO TAKE AWAY WHAT A LOT OF US NEED TO HELP US GET OVER THIS, IT'S THOUGHTLESS AND IT'S RUDE.

(BLANK O/C.) DAN SYNC. IF I WERE ABLE TO TELL YOU, OVERWHELMING THE VETERANS SAY, NO, DON'T DO IT.

BLANK SYNC. WELL, I'D WANT TO LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE, I'D WANT TO LOOK AT THE DOCUMENTATION.

NARR. A LOT OF EVIDENCE GETS TURNED OUT IN VET CENTERS *** REPORTS THE V.A. SAYS IT NEEDS. BUT THERE'S ONE BASIC UNANSWERED QUESTION: HOW MANY MEN OUT THERE ARE SUFFERING FOR P.T.S.D.? THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION IS BURIED IN A REPORT THAT COST TAXPAYERS SIX MILLION DOLLARS AND IT'S NOW TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS LATE.

DAN SYNC. BUT DOCTOR, IF I RUN A YEAR LATER IN MY WORK, I'M LIKELY NOT TO HAVE MY JOB.

DAN SYNC. DOCTOR, YOU'RE THE COMMANDER ON POINT HERE. DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO?

BLANK SYNC. I THINK THAT WE COULD BE DOING MORE, I THINK THERE ARE VETERANS THAT, THAT WE'RE NOT REACHING AT THIS POINT IN TIME. UH, I GUESS THE BEST I CAN DO ABOUT THAT IS TO HOPE THAT THEY'LL BE ABLE TO WAIT UNTIL WE GET TO THEM.

NARR. OBVIOUSLY SOME VETERANS CAN'T WAIT. THEY HURT TOO MUCH. TACOMA, WASHINGTON. THE DIRECTOR AND STAFF PSYCHOLOGIST OF THIS MEDICAL CENTER CUT THROUGH THE RED TAPE. THEY DEVELOPED A TREATMENT PROGRAM BEYOND VET CENTERS ... AND THEY DON'T DO IT WHERE THE V.A. WOULD LIKE TO PLACE THE VETERAN -- IN PSYCH WARDS OR IN MENTAL HYGIENE CLINICS. IT'S A BUILDING STANDING APART; IT IS HERE THAT MEN WHO HAVE ALREADY HAD EXPOSURE TO SIMPLE THERAPY SPEND 11 WEEKS IN ADVANCED TREATMENT.

FOR THE VETERAN THE HARDEST PART IS CALLED "VIETNAM FOCUS," WHERE EACH MAN MUST TELL HIS MOST TROUBLING STORY.

DENNIS LOST HIS LEG AFTER THE WAR. TO HIM, THAT CRIPPLING IS MINOR COMPARED TO WHAT HE'D SEEN AND DONE IN VIETNAM, WHERE HE WAS A MEDICAL CORPSMAN. TOOK CARE OF WOUNDED IN THE FIELD. THIS IS HIS DAY TO TALK.

DENNIS SYNC. I WENT THROUGH FIVE WEEKS OF TRAINING, IN WHICH THEY SHOWED US THESE IDEAL WOUNDS. I NEVER SAW AN IDEAL WOUND. HE WAS TAPPING ON THE TREES, AS HE WALKED DOWN, TRYING TO DRAW FIRE. WHEN HE SEEN WHAT THE MACHINE GUN WAS DOING, HE CUT LOOSE. THEN IT HIT THE FAN. WHEN IT WAS OVER, I'D LOST FOUR GOOD FRIENDS. THEN THEY GOT TO AN AREA CALLED THE VALLEY OF DEATH. THEY GOT HIT HARD. AND IT TOOK US ABOUT THREE DAYS TO GET IN THERE. AND ALL THE WAY ALL YOU SAY WAS BODIES. AND WHEN HE FIRED IT JUST WENT ACROSS THEIR LEGS AND JUST HIT THE ONE GUY'S NOSE. SO THEY WAS STILL ALIVE, AND HE SAYS, UH, I SAID WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH THEM, AND HE SAYS KILL 'EM. GOD, BUCKLES, HE HAD HIS FACE SHOT OFF, HAD A ROUND IN HIS SHOULDER, ROUND THROUGH HIS WRIST, ROUND THROUGH HIS THIGH. I SAID, YOU DIE, I'LL KILL YOU (PAUSE). HE COULDN'T TALK. HE GRABBED HOLD OF MY ARM *** (SOBS).

NARR. DENNIS HAS BEEN CARRYING THIS GUILT FOR TWENTY YEARS. WHAT'S AT STAKE HERE ARE THE LIVES AND SANITY OF THESE MEN. THE URGENCY OF THIS TREATMENT COMES FROM A SIMPLE FACT: THE RATE OF SUICIDE AMONG VIETNAM VETERANS IS ABNORMALLY HIGH. WE TELL YOU NOW THAT UNLESS TREATED P.T.S.D. GETS WORSE WITH TIME, NOT BETTER. THE LONGER THE V.A. WAITS, THE MORE DIFFICULT IT WILL BE TO BRING THEM BACK IN -- FROM WAY OUT THERE.

RAY SYNC. WHAT IS A TRUE STATEMENT ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU DESERVE OR EARNED THE RIGHT TO SURVIVE?

RAY SYNC. IS THAT WHAT THIS IS -- GIVE ME YOUR WHOLE, GIVE US THE WHOLE MESSAGE, IF THAT'S THE WHOLE MESSAGE. DON'T JUST GIVE US PART OF IT. WHAT'S THE WHOLE MESSAGE?

RAY SYNC. THIS IS A VERY BIG ISSUE THAT A LOT OF GUYS COME IN HERE AND HAVE TO DEAL WITH IS DO I DESERVE, DO I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SURVIVE?

VET SYNC. I THINK YOU HAD A RIGHT TO SURVIVE. EVEN IF I DON'T BELIEVE IT FOR MYSELF, I CAN BELIEVE IT FOR YOU. I RESPECT YOU. I THINK YOU DESERVE TO LIVE. I KNOW YOU DO.

RAY SYNC. DO I HAVE A RIGHT TO A DECENT LIFE? TO SOME PEACE? I HOPE YOU ALL COME TO SOME RESOLUTION ABOUT THAT FOR YOURSELVES. 'CUZ I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE, WHO DOES? THAT'S MY QUESTION.

SUBJECT: VETERANS (96%); MENTAL ILLNESS (92%); DISEASES & DISORDERS (91%); TELEVISION PROGRAMMING (90%); NETWORK TELEVISION (90%); SUICIDE (78%); EPIDEMIOLOGY & PUBLIC HEALTH (57%);

[*S7685] mr. Kerry. Mr. President, recently cbs news broadcast a remarkable television documentary entitled "the wall within," which focused on vietnam veterans in washington state who are victims of post-traumatic stress disorder, or ptsd. These veterans only represent a small minority of all vietnam veterans, yet their problems are real. This powerful and hard-hitting documentary was followed up by a report on "60 minutes" which detailed the lack of responsiveness of the veterans' administration to vietnam [*s7686] veterans, especially those who are still suffering from the after-effects of the vietnam combat experience.
No one should draw the conclusion from these programs that all vietnam veterans are maladjusted or suffering from emotional problems. This is far from the truth. Most vietnam veterans are successful, productive members of society. But there is a significant number of vietnam veterans, although small, who do suffer from emotional and other health problems caused by their vietnam experience. Post-traumatic stress disorder [ptsd] is the clinical term used to describe the psychological aftershocks of the vietnam war which affect these veterans.
The vietnam experience study, which was recently released by the centers for disease control, showed that vietnam veterans suffer from significantly higher than normal rates of emotional and psychological problems, including alcohol and drug abuse and addiction, nervous disorders, depression, anxiety, and other psychological dysfunctions. These problems are clearly linked to their vietnam service. Yet the veterans' administration has been unresponsive to the needs of these veterans.
The va has made continual attempts to downplay and deny that vietnam veterans suffer from problems resulting from their vietnam service, whether from cancers caused by exposure to agent orange in vietnam, or emotional problems due to ptsd. The va has consistently tried to kill off the vet center program, which has been the most successful method of outreach to vietnam veterans. The vet centers have provided a place for vietnam veterans to go where they can feel comfortable, and where they can openly and honestly discuss their problems and receive appropriate counseling. For reasons best known to this administration, the va has conducted a kind of "search and destroy" mission against the vet centers. Last year, the senate had to pass legislation to prevent the va from closing down eight vet centers, including one in avon, ma, which has been highly successful.
I know that there have been concerns raised that, by showing these documentaries, cbs has perpetuated old stereotypes about vietnam veterans. I believe that these charges are unwarranted. I am very concerned by some of the stereotypes about maladjusted and emotionally disturbed vietnam veterans which have been portrayed in some films and tv shows. But there are some veterans who do have continuing problems and continuing needs which the va has failed to address. These cbs programs have done a service by calling attention to the needs of vietnam veterans, and the continuing lack of response by their government.
I ask that the transcripts of "the wall within" and the "60 minutes" segment be printed in the record.
The transcripts follow:
[cbs reports, june 2, 1988]
The wall within
(with cbs news correspondent dan rather; executive producer, perry wolff)
Tease
Dan rather (narration). Twenty years ago the united states military trained young americans for combat operations in vietnam. Since then a number of these men, haunted by their deeds, became seriously ill. He asked us to call him only steve.
Steve. I think i was one of the highest trained, underpaid, 18 cent an hour assassins ever put together by a team of people who knew exactly what they were looking for. And who used to the maximum. And then dumped it back on society to take care of.
Guy iredale. In vietnam i saw and did the most violent, cruel things. After a while you get where, uh, it's almost a rush, it's almost a high, uh, to be hurting people over there like that. Then you come home and you're told stop. No more.
Narration. Washington state has more vietnam veterans than could be statistically expected ... About 200,000. A number came here because they wanted to live in isolation ... Hidden in the wilderness. We came to find them -- sufferers of a psychological disease called post traumatic stress disorder -- ptsd. In one degree or another, this illness affects perhaps a million vietnam veterans. One of the results of the illness can be suicide.
Mike rice. During the second marriage, things got bad, and i had my pistol, and i, i picked it up, and it was always loaded. Always loaded. I picked that thing up and i put that right up here and i go, and i thought, just for that second, i thought of my two boys, and the more i thought about them, i couldn't do it.
Narration. There have been beween 26,000 and 100,000 suicides, depending on what reputable source you believe. In vietnam, some 58,000 men were killed. The men who told us their stories all have symptoms of ptsd -- a disorder, which, fourteen years after the war, still affects about a third of the veterans.
John pathologically distrusts society.
John michaelson. I ain't coming down off that hill. And there ain't nobody coming up there, you know. If i said that down there at the spokane mental health, where, where my boy's been worked with, i'd never get him back. (cough) i'd never get him back. Well, no wonder this kid's violent in school and packs a knife and sleeps with a knife under, his old man's crazy, you know, got the ... One of the guys at work asked me if i had the vietnam crazy syndrome. I had to walk off. I'd a killed that sucker.
Narration. These men say they are patriots who love their land, their country. When they came back they were outcasts. Broken spirits learning to heal themselves from the wounds of war. The vietnam conflict was unlike any other american war -- so their illness is different from that suffered by other veterans. Recently, the vietnam veteran has become recognized and now the tributes have begun. For some, it may be too little, too late.
Dan rather (on camera). Well, what happened to flag, country, duty, honor?
George greul. No matter how you tried to hold those values, it was compromised. Totally compromised at times.
Rather. When they have veterans day parades do you go?
Terry bradley. No.
Rather. Take part in them?
Bradley. I'm afraid to go to people because i been institutionalized all these years. See, i, if i go to the community now ... Nah. If this is the way these people have to be, these humans have to be in america, they can, i should, i guess i lost the country i fought for, i just, i don't want them to have my stress and my burden so i, i'll stay up here and hide.
Narration. They came out of hiding to talk to us, and talking sometimes takes more bravery than fighting. After the killing stopped the illnesses surfaced. Ptsd is a syndrome that ranges from nightmares to suicide. This illness is not confined to the state of washington; it's all over america. We tell you a story of hidden illness; perhaps your own story of the wall within.
Act one
Steve. (poem) i take the weapon and raise it above my head and strike with the force of my being, blow after blow, until no more stand in my path. My breath comes fast and short, gulp after gulp.
Narration. At age 16 steve was a navy seal, trained to assassinate. For almost two years he operated behind enemy lines. Then he broke. He came home in a straitjacket, addicted to alcohol and drugs. He had ptsd. He was neither deprogrammed nor helped. When he moved back home, his mother became a victim.
Steve. Well, i drank myself into a stupor so i could sleep. And, uh, she came down, in the morning, grabbed a hold of my toe. I came off the bed, grabbed a hold of her blouse, uh, cut her carotid arteries off. If you grab like that, and come around like this, the blood supply to the brain's cut off. And it's permanent brain damage, and then death. And, i had her down on the floor, and all i was seeing was vc. That's all that was in my mind. And then i saw her face, and i let go. By the time she recuperated enough to try to say it was okay, she understood, i had packed again and was on my way out the door.
Narration. At age 19 he fled to the mountains.
Steve. It was safe. I understand animals. Animals are not like human beings. Animals will not gobble their own.
You can go up in there and sit down and nobody knows you're here forever. It was tough up there. I hunted. I used, i used trip wires, and i'd live in logs, i'd live in stumps.
It'd be real easy to camouflage yourself in here.
Narration. The mountains were no cure. The anger remained. He tried to drown rage in alcohol and drugs, but the hate continued. So he turned his anger on himself and punished himself with 23 car accidents -- he's permanently crippled. He says the distortion started at the hands of military trainers who twisted his character.
This rare true film shows soldiers learning what to expect when captured by the enemy.
Steve. You're slapped a few times and asked who you are and ho chi minh addresses are going on, mao's doctrine is going on, they're beating you for days, and, and they'll come in, line you up against the wall, and use kalish, kalishnakovs, ak 47s, and fire blanks at you. You don't know they're blanks. (sound of gunfire)
Then you're beaten.
Had to crawl through a 28 foot trench full of human excrement. Then they drop you into a barrel full of ice water. And the whole time they're hitting you. They're pounding you. And then they show you pictures of a nice, american family. Pictures of [*s7687] mom, pictures of pop, pictures of the little kid, another picture of a vc, picture of a little kid, mom, pop, little kid, bang -- slaughtered family. (pause)
And you start believing you're really captured. I went through four camps. And it's hammered, hammered, hammered, hammered, hammered, hammered into you. Until when you -- when i got there, it was: kill vc. And i was good at what i did.
Rather. How good?
Steve. I'm alive.
Rather. You say there were special missions in the villages sometimes.
Steve. Oh, oh that's phoenix program. We would go into villages and we would hit 'em. We would leave chinese and north vietnamese literature all over. On the corpses, tacked to the corpses. Burn part of the village. Do all of the things that the vc were doing. The generals, they'd fly in, and we left, there wasn't a trace of us. And, they'd land with the press corps and they'd go: this is what we're fighting, this is what the vc do. This is what you're seeing back in the united states. I was the one doing a bunch of that.
Rather. You're telling me that you went into villages, killed people, burned part of the village, and made it appear that the other side had done this.
Steve. Yeah.
Rather. For propaganda purposes at home.
Steve. That's correct.
Rather. This is not something you made up.
Steve. No.
Rather. This is not a hallucination.
Steve. Oh, no.
Rather. This program of selected assassination and the village wiping-out.
Steve. That's right.
Rather. You stayed a long time, you did your job and you survived.
Steve. Umm hmm.
Rather. But then something happened.
Steve. I couldn't kill anymore. And i said: that's it. I can't do it anymore. I cannot do this. I can't justify this, i can't do it.
I turn slowly, i see only a field growing, arms and hands. Reaching for the end of this madness, this thing that grips people, nations, tearing them down from within. Can you see fear now?
Narration. Twenty years later he's not totally repaired. Steve's found help in writing. He's written 50 poems. He's kept a journal. He's had one disastrous marriage. One family destroyed because his wife and child were terrified by his rages. A second wife and psychological therapy which he paid for himself finally dampened down the fires of anger.
Narration. As best he can, he's remaking himself.
Steve. I came to the realization that i was not going to have a fmaily. I wasn't going to have anything unless i could change me, unless i could get over the anger and get over the suicidal fits of depression. I started seriously working myself. It's been a hard road. Facing your own shadows is a tough one. I'm still working on it. You know, i'm going to be working on it the rest of my life.
Narration. The day he came out of action steve knew he was sick. He knew combat had made him different. He asked for help. That's unusual. Many vets don't. They hold back until they expode. What to do?
Port angeles, washington, on a wednesday night. A simple treatment. Outreach. Find the vets, bring them together. Have them talk about it, if they can.
Veteran. When we were get, when we went on this one mission, we were getting out of the helicopter and, uh, all of a sudden there was a bunch of rockets going off...
Narration. Some talk some listen. This is the beginning of professional counseling. Half a million vietnam veterans have sought help for ptsd. What they can't say to the men who didn't go, what they can't say to their families, sometimes they can say to each other.
Veteran. Have a cigarette and just have some milk, just to calm my stomach down and my nerves.
Narration. Not all join in. Some can't speak out yet.
Greul. Over a period of time, it seems an entire world was watching me.
Dan rather (on camera). Is that why you're spending so much time in this room, small room, shades drawn?
Greul. Sometimes the pressure of a typical household, doing its typical thing ...
Narration. He's over-tense, excessively alert.
Greul. The pressure of where you feel like you're gonna blow up. ...
Narration. He sleeps at most two hours a night.
Greul. I've learned to leave the situation alone.
Narration. George's symptom is called hyper-vigilance.
Greul. I come to this room. If i can't take it in this room, i leave here to anywhere i can be left alone.
Rather. Is that why you drive around at night?
Greul. Yeah.
Narration. At the beginning, he drove through city streets. But now he drives aimlessly for hours through these washington hills. His family sleeps.
During vietnam he did three tours on an aircraft carrier. A lot of night duty.
Greul. On the ticonderoga, accidents did happen. You're constantly facing the danger of being sucked in the aircraft. In one minute, and i caught myself doing this too, it's like: oh my god, in one minute i almost died seven times. A couple of seconds i've been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and was blown off the flight deck. Just like a rag doll through the air. I knew i was cut up, i knew i was hurting, i just simply got up, and i went right back out there on the flight deck, more out of anger than anything else.
Rather. Did you lose any friends in vietnam?
Greul. Yes. I'm on the flight deck. Night operations, recovered aircraft, prop job. He was directing it, or waiting for it to be directed, i can't recall exactly.
Rather. And what happened?
Greul. He just simply walked into the prop. Right next to me.
Rather. Somebody for one nano-second made a mistake.
Greul. My attempt was too late, my attempt wasn't executed like i'd done before and before. I made the mistake of thinking what he thought. And that's what caused it.
Rather. Did you reach out and try to stop him? Or did you call out to him?
Greul. I just reached out half-thinkingly. And because i thought that he was aware when he wasn't aware.
Narration. George feels a man died because he was not alert enough.
He'll never leave his guard down again. Always vigilant. That was the trauma. George tells us the aftermath.
Greul. You become and feel very outcast. I felt that very strong. And you look anywhere, really where you fit, and it doesn't happen. It does not happen. I've found that i'm leaning real heavily of not really having anything to do with society than is absolutely necessity.
Narration. At first most psychiatrists thought men like george had weaknesses that came out of their childhood and that they would have had psychological problems even if they had not gone to vietnam. Now the american psychological association says that ptsd is a disorder brought on by the war. Had george not served, george would not be ill. That's what the people in town told us too.
Rather. Did you, do you feel angry?
Gruel. Angry? I still feel angry. It, it was as if it was a big joke over there.
Rather. You didn't feel it was worthwhile?
Gruel. No. Definitely not.
Rather. You didn't feel it was a contribution?
Gruel. I felt that my contribution, for what i did, was a total waste. Absolute, total waste. And i, what i did contribute, i gave my soul, my heart, and effort, to where my life didn't matter over there. To that degree. Three hours.
Narration. He told more than he wanted to. Those who treat the experience say he's got to get it all out before he'll start healing. Meantime he drives.
Gruel. I, i got to cool the feeling that, uh, not to explode. And do something that, uh, i'll just be guilty for again.
Rather. You're saying when you leave here and you drive out, you can put the guilt behind you? Or you just don't care anymore?
Gruel. I quit caring completely. I get the feeling that i might not come back. Or i just may say the hell with it and end it.
Narration. Port angeles is a lumber town, a blue collar town. One of the hardest workers at the james river mill is guy iredale. Iredale is a respected name in the community, and guy works, acts and talks like the middle of middle america. But there's one thing he never discusses at work ... His tour of duty in vietnam. He only talks about vietnam at home. Guy has ptsd.
Iredale. The hardest part of it ... Is, uh, is, uh, nightmares. Nightmares.
Narration. That's his symptom. At first he tried to wash them away with alcohol. That's common. To their neighbors the iredales are a warm, loving family. But when guy was drunk, the repressed anger, rage, and fear were turned on his wife and two boys.
Iredale. I've done some damage, in, in this house. Things i've had to fix, replace.
And then you just take it out on everybody, the people who are closest to you, people who are in your house. And you, uh, do things to 'em that they don't deserve.
Rather. Can you give me an example?
Iredale. I'd get violent. I'd get damn violent. And i've, i have scared every one of them. Scared 'em right out of their wits. Chased them out of the house...
Rather. Your wife, your children?
Iredale. My wife, my children, i have done that.
Rather. What's the worse thing you did to your wife?
Iredale. I don't want to tell you that.
Rather. Does that scare you? It must.
Iredale. Sure. A side of me that i don't like. The scary side. I'm not proud of it.
Narration. He's sober now. The family is safe from attack. The loving, caring husband and father is back from the war.
He found a way to tame the nightmares without alcohol.
Iredale. Somebody told me once that if you have a nightmare, you write it down or you draw it. That way it'll stay away from you.
Narration. Behind the house is a garage. In the back of the garage, in a corner, is a very private place. The family doesn't go there because it's all his. There's a dark that leads to some burlap curtains, and [*s7688] behind the burlap there's no electricity. That's where guy took us. He's drawn vietnam. Here's his ptsd.
Iredale. That's gunnery sergeant robinson. He got his face blown off. So i put it there. That's my man hamlet. I carried him down off this mountain. Kept telling him, "you'll be alright, bob." was shot, through the heart.
Rather. What about this?
Iredale. That? That's a nightmare. It is the ambush. See, we come in here, and these men got out in front of this big boulder, and they got cut down. Real fast. And we come in, and there's a man here, been shot through both elbows. Another guy had been shot through the shoulder. And the guy who's been shot through both elbows is screaming, crying. And we're stuck right there all day. Everybody pinned down and everybody dead. Lieutenant come to me and he told me you got to go up and get hamlet. The gunny got his face blowed off, trying to go up and get hamlet. And i seen it happen. Seen that happen, that was terrible. That was terrible. I couldn't get myself to go up there and do that. I tried. I got within about twenty yards of him. Twenty yards. Yeah, just behind this rock. And he sat there, leaning up against the bank, and he looked at me. Waiting for me to come and get him. I couldn't do it. And i live with that. I live with that. Damn, i swear, bob, if i could go back i'd do it, man. I would. I sure would.
Rather. These are the kind of experiences that it's almost impossible to get anybody to listen to, much less understand.
Iredale. Well it's real. It's what we live with. That's what, that's what, that's what this does. That's what this is all about. That's what this is all about. That's why i'm sitting here telling you this and showing you this. Cause it's real. And people gotta know it. You gotta realize it. I don't, don't take this down to work. Guys down at work are gonna be shocked when they see this. But it's real. And there are guys out there who live this every day.
Act two
Narration. The vietnam war was a war with a difference. We fought an unseen enemy in a small, hot country, and we lost. A different aftermath than any other war meant a different kind of healing. Colville, washington, wednesday evening. Family counseling center.
J. Michaelson. John michaelson. 36 rifle company. Qui nhon '66-'67.
Narration. No use saying these veterans should act like world war ii veterans. They came back to silence while their fathers came back to cheers.
Rice. Mike rice. 981st. Mp group. Sentry dogs '69-'70.
Narration. If they resemble any veterans, they are most like the ex-soldiers of the civil war, the confederacy, mourners of a lost cause.
Bradley. Terry bradley, germany '66-'67, vietnam '67-'68. Ku chi 127 wolfhounds.
Narration. They tell their buddies their war stories. Sad and colorful tales. Telling becomes healing. It's called group therapy.
Bradley. Seventeen miserable years, restraints, my wife's seen me in restraints, and stuff, because i said i'm not nuts, i don't have this stuff. And then they give me these, these letters and all. I got many a letter saying i have organic brain damage, progressed dementia, psychosis. And i want to upchuck. I'm starting, ready to cry. Why don't i cry now. I cried, i wined, i cried again. I cried for seventeen years. The only thing in this man's heart is hate.
Narration. Terry's symptom is psychic numbing.
Bradley. When we came back to stateside, we had all this in us. We didn't have feelings, we didn't have emotions. We could kill; we were murderers. We freaky. We was freaky. You know, we was.
Narration. When he came back home, terry couldn't control his violence. He couldn't adjust to a life without combat. Stateside he struck an officer, lost his command, went to the stockade, and was discharged without honor. In vietnam, he was a success, a fighting sergeant who led men in battle. Back home, he was nothing; because nobody needed the skills of a combat soldier. He felt stripped of honors. Terry says he can't figure out how his country could make him such a failure as a civilian when it has made him such a success as a fighter. He spent 10 years in and out of mental hospitals.
Bradley. I see the elevator. I see you, i say, i see the tv. I see the window. And everything was into your sight pattern, and then it's gone and then something else imaged in your brain, hitting that all together. And i was rocking, dizzy, and i looked at this unpopular nurse, you know, and she said, terry you going through drug withdrawal.
Rather. You didn't really believe it.
Bradley. No, because i didn't take drugs. I said, 'i don't take drugs,' and she said, no, doc, the medicine you on. Why, hell, they had me on four, 10 milligrams of valium a day, you know. I take one of those, uh, thorazine, meladryl, stelazine. Can i get you a list of medicine i take, and show it to you right now?
Rather. I'd like to see it.
Narration. In the '70s, ptsd was not recognized by the medical profession. Like thousands of others, terry was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and treated with drugs.
Bradley. Dan, i'll tell you something. You take this medicine. And this ain't, this ain't all the list in one day. And you take it home and you take this three times a day.
Rather. Do you still have any of these medicines around?
Bradley. I got a lot. You want some?
Rather. No, i don't want any, but ...
Bradley. Want me to show you that box?
Rather. If you've got a box, let's take a look at it.
Terry. I'll get you a box.
Narration. In 1980 terry's discharge was changed to honorable. That gave him access to the va hospitals, where they continued to treat him with drugs. That same year ptsd was recognized as a mental disorder, and the treatment of choice for terry should have been counseling.
Rather. Who gave you all this?
Bradley. The va. All this is va medicine. Every bit of it.
Rather. Doctors gave you this? And the psychologists, the psychiatrists?
Bradley. This is what i was on before i came to my senses.
Rather. It's hard for me to believe that. I know that you're a truth-teller, but it's hard for me to believe that.
Bradley. You don't need to worry about me telling the truth. My name on the bottle. All of them, you know.
Rather. It's true. Nearly every one of these.
Bradley. Oh yeah, you won't find one ain't my name on it. I mean, after you're on this stuff as many years i was on it. It turn out, you can't hold your emotion worth crap, you know. And, i was on the floor, crawling around on the floor, and they saying i was dying. Then they came up with brain shock treatments. And, then i talked to that fat nurse again. I shouldn't say it, she was beautiful.
Rather. Because she told you the truth.
Bradley. Yeah.
Rather. And you wouldn't let them give you the shock treatments.
Bradley. No, we ran. We ran. We ran up here.
Narration. In 1985, terry and his family moved to colville and started over. Using all their savings, they began this house. The money ran out; the house stands unfinished.
Terry earns no money. The government sends him checks. He gets $931 a month from social security and employment disability. Another $400 comes from va compensation for ptsd. Terry doesn't work. Massive drug therapy medication has left him with organic brain damage. He's legally incompetent.
Bradley. They call me incompetent. I can't sign a check. I'm a adolescent. They say i can't do nothing. I'm ashamed, don't think i'm not.
Narration. Terry still takes medication: antabuse to control his alcoholism; synaquon to curb the depression.
Bradley. My son understand, i think.
Narration. The drugs can't calm his mind. Terry hides in his bedroom sometimes for hours.
Bradley. I cage myself up, is what i do. And i get secure when i go to bed. I lay in my bed, and nobody bothers me in this bed. And i get secure, and i can hide all my problems away when i put up the blanket over my head. And that's what i do, i, i sit in here and i just don't want nobody to know who i am. I don't like myself.
You wouldn't want to have this awful stuff inside us.
Rather. That awful stuff being, being trained to kill.
Bradley. Yeah.
Rather. But that's what a soldier's supposed to do.
Bradley. Not way we did it. It was sickening.
Rather. Tell me about that.
Bradley. Let's say could you go up to 50 people in an hour, in an hour, let's say. And go out and get a knife and skin them. Get babies, arms, eyeballs, guts, and hold their heart in your hand. And throw them in piles. Could you do this for one hour of your life, just stack up every way a body could be mangled, up into a body, a arm, a tit, an eyeball, a soldier that turned over that don't have no flface, uh, guts, maggots if they been there more than a day, whatever, and the stink and the smell, and stuff like this. And pile them up. And do this just an hour, let's say, and not, not have this inside you all your life. Okay, imagine us over there for a year doing it continuously. Whew, that is sick. No, and not be debriefed when we got back. Not to be debriefed and learn this bloom, this water, this good. We came back there was nothing good.
Rather. You've got to be angry about it.
Bradley. I'm suicidal about it. I don't want to live. But i told my boy i would not cry. And i'm at a point of it now, and i'm correcting myself. I will not cry. I don't want to have to be nobody all my life. But i want to be able to come home with some dignity.
Narration. Meantime, terry depends on the trees and earth to protect him. At night he retreats to the woods behind his house and calls out his pain.
Bradley. And i go up there and i lay in seclusion, and then nightfall comes, and after nights, and i howl. It brings out the pain, the hurt, the sadness that happened throughout these twenty years.
Narration. Terry, like other vets, feels that the larger community doesn't accept him. He's afraid of them, they're afraid of him.
[*s7689] j. Michaelson. The water doesn't do anything, the person administering the baptism doesn't do anything. It's already been done. The spirit of god has visited terry.
Narration. He feels most at ease with other vets. At his baptism, he was surrounded by members of his rap group and their families.
J. Michaelson. I baptize you in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, amen.
Narration. The administering preacher is also a vietnam veteran.
J. Michaelson. As i started working with vets here, while i was in ministry, i started to realize that some of the guys that were really hurting weren't really any different from me.
Narration. Preacher john did one tour of duty as a combat marine. His war experience resulted in ptsd, and his dominant symptom is alienation: that means hostility and distrust.
J. Michaelson. The ground makes me feel safe. It's my ground. I got the reach on anybody; i can see or hear anybody long before they can see or hear me. And it's a comfort to me.
Narration. For fourteen years, he's guarded the mountain he lives on. His wife, kendra, gave birth to three of their four children in this house.
J. Michaelson. The first thing i built was the basement. That basement was just like a bunker. It really was, just like a command bunker. It's got good cover.
Cover isn't just hiding, cover is something that will soak up lead, you know. Only thing that can get in here is mortars, and you don't see too many people packing mortars around this country.
Kendra michaelson. In the early days of our relationship, he would make a reference to vietnam, and i would say i can't deal with that, i don't want to talk about it. I very definitely shut him out. I could not only deal with the fact that is happened, i couldn't deal with the fact that he was a part of it.
Narration. He hunts. He learned about guns before 'nam. His father was a marine too.
So he learned to be strong and expect victory. Fortune favors the brave.
J. Michaelson. I lost a whole bunch of my illusions in a hurry. We weren't gods, and we could get our ass kicked. I was really angry, because i felt like it was all just a big crock. We'd been lied to and used...
Narration. The soldier joined the anti-war movement. When he returned home, he demonstrated against the vietnam war. He harbored deserters and was hunted by the fbi. Life on the run gave john an adrenaline rush, just as it did in vietnam.
J. Michaelson. Sometimes i think about walking point. You know, i get a similar feeling. Have that feeling of expectancy, you know. Just feeling on, listening. I'm probably a better grunt now that i was 20 years ago. More practice.
K. Michaelson. He's never hit, hit out in a really destructive fashion with either me or the children, and i've been very grateful for that. Because that's, uh, something that vets have a real problem with.
J. Michaelson. When i'm in my corner, i've got all my books there, my back's against the wall. I got all my pieces up above me, and they remind me that i'm safe. I can lose myself in that little tiny piece of that little tiny room. Nobody wants to reach in there. You've put up no trespassing signs all over the place. You've made it very plain, "don't mess with me, man, or i'll bite your head off."
Narration. He and kendra have always paid their taxes. He's always had a good job and taken care of his family. He decided to become a minister, graduated from divinity school with honors, but lost his parish because of family problems.
He had worked in the sawmill before, and he went back to it. One thing causes trouble. John can't tolerate authority. Above all, he doesn't trust his government. He knows he needs counseling, and so he'll accept that help. But although the va might also pay him benefits for his illness, he won't even apply.
J. Michaelson. No, piss on those people. They don't know what's happening. You know, you can go in there missing one leg and they'll tell you you got both of them. Why talk to those people; i don't want to deal with them.
Narration. Saturday mornings john and kendra drive a hundred miles to spokane to be with their two older children.
J. Michaelson. I think ptsd is catching. My wife had a nervous breakdown. She doesn't tolerate hostility well, and she'd been living with it for too many years. She finally lost it. And it's like a disease that spread to my family. I have two kids right now in treatment centers 'cuz their old man messed 'em up so bad.
Narration. Twelve-year-old elijah lives in an institution because he's so violent. He threatened to kill his school principal. Fourteen-year-old kachina lives in a juvenile center because she ran away and drank heavily. The children are second generation casualties of war.
K. Michaelson. Everytime we come down for a visit, it just is, it just eats your heart out. It's really hard to see them.
J. Michaelson. It seems like i take too much responsibility, at times, for where the kids are at. But i feel like maybe i haven't taken enough.
We try so hard to look normal. But kids are real honest. They don't hide anything. I guess that's one reason it's been so hard for me to see them coming apart, to see them not coping well, to see especially elijah, with his uncontrollable rage, violence and deep depression. He's left suicide notes since he was able to write. You know, i look at that and it's looking in a mirror and i don't like what i see. I don't mind living with all that stuff in me, but i don't like to look at it in my kids 'cuz i know where they got it from.
Narration. Early this year, kendra took the children and left john alone with his rage and anger.
J. Michaelson. When you were in 'nam you had something you could do. You could rip it all out, 30 rounds at a whack, man, i mean, i, make your barrel of your 60 translucent, just orange, you can just see the rounds coming out of that sucker. You got something you can do with it. You got nothing you can do with it here. Nothing you can do with it here. You don't do it at home, that's for sure.
Rice. Oh, i was watching a movie last night and there was a part in there, a small shoot-out, but one of the guys, instead of just dying, let's out this long, long, shrilling scream, and it just . . .
Narration. Flashback is the clinical name of the ptsd symptom that mike suffers from. He's about to relive the emotions he felt at the time the trauma happened. Not just remembering the incident but breaking under it.
Lloyd humphries. You heard that scream before, mike.
Rice. Yeah.
Humphries. Where'd you hear it?
Rice. As we drove out the gate they hit us.
Humphries. The vietnamese were firing.
Rice. Yeah, they threw grenades first, that's what got moody and dozier. After i got moody and dozier to the hospital, i came back. I noticed, uh, sergeant kinda laying over some of the pipes over there, and, uh, i knew he was hurt. And, he'd always kinda come around, and he'd show us the picture of his family: his wife, his little boy, and little girl. He was just laying over there. (sobs) and, i thought, god, no one's helping this guy, you know. So i ran over there (sobs) to help him, and i reached out and grabbed him and he was blown in half (sobs), he was physically blown in half. There was just his top half. There was just his top half left. (sobs) and i just backed away from him because i just had to. (crying)
Narration. He's healing. He's healing because until recently he couldn't tell his story to anyone. He had his flashbacks alone. They'd be triggered by a car backfire -- or today's thundercap could send him back to 1970.
At that time he did sentry patrolling with a dog. He guarded his buddies by night. Mike still lives by night.
Rice. I'm finding out a lot of things i did in 'nam i still do now. I work graveyard. I've been on dayshift. I could still be there, but i gotta sleep at night and i can't sleep at night. So it's easier to work at night. I have to be there for my boys. And so i stay on the job i'm at. If it wasn't for them, i'd take off. It's easy to go someplace new where you're not known, because you can leave a lot of things behind for awhile. It's someplace new, it's a new start.
Narration. Mike is the first to admit he ran away. He's had three short-term marriages, and two sons he rarely saw until recently when morgan came to live with him. So long as he was ruled by his flashbacks, the past meant more than the present. He moved in and out of places and events as a runaway. Now that his son is here, mike is more stable; another sign of healing. He wanted us to see the empty apartment where he used to live alone. We found that when mike returns here it's as if he never left.
Rice. Uh, i just, uh, i come up here to forget a lot. I can get in here and i can draw the blinds and i don't have to worry about whether to get permission to fire or not. I don't have to worry about anything, i can just get in here and listen to music or turn the tv on and and try to fill my head with anything but what i don't want to remember.
Rather. You served your tour, you came back. Do you remember the day you came back?
Rice. Uh, yeah. Yeah, i remember that day. And i'm waiting for my flight. And, uh, off down the corridor, i notice this -- he was a soldier, and this one lady, she walked up to him and she spit in his face. And, uh, i thought, "jesus christ, man, i need a hole to hide in." i didn't want no one to look at me in this uniform. I wasn't gonna, i couldn't have handled that.
Rather. If you could see her now, unlikely, what would you say to here now?
Rice. Lady, you're wrong. You may have feelings and you got your opinions and your right to 'em. But we did what we were told to do and we did it for our country. And we did it for our government. And we did what was right. And we survived. You ain'tgot no right to treat us like dirt.
Narration. Later wednesday night. The rap group is winding down. One symptom they all talk about is survivor's guilt. Why am i here alive while so many men better than i are there and dead. The inequality of sacrifice calls for consolation.
These men contracted the disease in their late teens, and they still suffer from it in [*s7690] their forties. Ptsd will not go away with time ... Left untreated, it is a burden to be added to the burdens of age.
Close
Narration. Just before dawn on a windy night, three men you've met in this report came to see the vietnam memorial in washington, d.c... At our invitation. They stopped first at a statue built for veterans who asked recognition for the deeds of american military.
They found the comradeship of solidering.
Rice. You would swear they was alive almost.
Narration. This book lists the location on the wall of the names of the men who perished. John wants to find the placement of ralph knudsen who died in his arms. The name terry is looking for is ventline, a solider who was torn to pieces in front of him. He found him.
Park ranger. Can you see the names there, sir?
J. Michaelson. It was late enough at night. I might have been the twenty-fifth instead of the twenty-fourth.
Ranger. Okay.
Narration. The computer is there to help memory.
Ranger. Knutesen, earl, pfc, marine crops.
J. Michaelson. Nah, uh, ralph, that's corporal, marine corps.
Ranger. This gentleman died on the 26th.
J. Michaelson. I guess we missed one, huh. He was killed by friendly fire, you know. Ah, i mean, one of our own guys got him, and maybe they didn't put them down, huh.
Ranger. I don't know, sir. We're up to the 27th of december now.
J. Michaelson. No, no, it was christmas eve. I was, i was there.
Narration. When memory is blocked, it's not always simple forgetfulness. One of mike's sergeants was killed before his eyes in june of 1970. He's been haunted by the fact that he's forgotten the man's name.
Ranger. Matthews. June 3, 1970. Edgar donald.
Narration. Forgetting, he killed him more.
Rice. That was him. That's him.
Ranger. June 3, 1970.
Rice. Yeah, that would have been it.
J. Michaelson. 37, 8, 9. That's another one of them tall ones.
Narration. For years america shut out the vietnam experience. During the war, vietnam was a national obsession. Afterwards, amnesia struck. Amnesia -- total forgetfulness -- happens when the pain caused by memory is so great that life itself is threatened. For americans, vietnam was an unspoken word. Now the national memory has come back. Meanwhile, mike, john and terry, and the others who bore memory while we forgot, live in the past we overlooked.
Bradley. Fifteen...
J. Michaelson. There his is, there he is. Right there.
Bradley. Yeah. Okay.
J. Michaelson. You want to rub that one?
Bradley. Yeah.
J. Michaelson. Here.
Bradley. I'm ashamed. I work on this problem. I'm coming out five minutes a week, maybe ten minutes. And hopefully, throughout another five to ten years i can regain my respect for myself as a soldier and a human being. Messed up pretty bad.
J. Michaelson. My god, what a scar. I was thinking i belong up there on that wall, not standing in front of it. Nothing happens overnight. I'm gonna be chewing on that wall for a long time, and every little bite of it that i take is gonna be more growth, more healing. I wanna come back.
Narration. We have shown the symptoms of ptsd so that you might recognize them in friend and neighbor and self. But it has struck us that this disease and its cure have an eerie parallel in the national experience. If these soldiers must get it all out and recognize what they did before they can be cured, well the same might be said of the nation. If at first they obsess about violence and death and evil, years later the country has come to the same obsession... Evidenced by today's war movies. If afterwards, they learn to live with what they did and fold it into their normal lives, the same healing process may lead the way for the nation. These wounded men who were left behind foretell the future. I'm dan rather.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Report from "60 minutes"
(camp -- dan and shad walking.)
Shad sync. This is it ***
Narr. Treatment began here, in the hills of malibu, california. His name is shad meshad, and he took us to a place where twenty years ago he found a group of veterans sick with ptsd. They mistrusted society, their government, and especially the veterans administration.
(camp details.)
They hid out here, and rebuilt vietnam. Guard posts *** barbed wire.
(dan and shad o/c.)
Dan vo. As they gazed out over this, they could --
Sync. -- imagine that they were back in vietnam.
Shad sync. Oh, exactly. (under) i was in i-corps most of my tour. This is i-corps.
Narr. Meshad, both a veteran and a therapist, tried to help. At the time the only thing he could do was to get them to talk it out. Talking might keep them from self-destruction.
Shad sync. One guy, one guy was just bashing his head and his hands, he was all bloodied, and he was just trying to kill himself and he wanted to do it manly; he wasn't gonna cut his wrists or whatever. He just wanted to go out violently.
(vet center.)
Narr. Twenty years later this is the result of meshad's work. Small storefront meeting places throughout the country called vet centers. Congress insisted that the reluctant veterans administration get out of washington and do something local and innovative. Give them places to talk it out *** outside of v.a. hospitals.
Terry sync. I came out and they threw me out of the army. They tore off my stripes, tore off my medals, and branded me to be a nut.
Anderson sync. I was drinking a lot *** i was, jumping on my wife all the time, jumping on my kids all the time.
Narr. Their symptoms range from violence to suicide.
Vet sync. I don't think there's a man here, including myself, that ain't thought about snuffin' it.
Michaelson sync. I'm in there all by myself; except right here. This is the only place where i'm not by myself. And i don't know if anybody else feels that way or not ***
Narr. This group counseling has been wildly successful.
Michaelson sync. Hang in there, doc. Hang in there.
Narr. There are 189 centers in all. In eight years more than half-a-million vets have come in for help.
(steve in mall.)
Steve has just found a vet center. He's poised, well-educated -- but hear him well. Part of his mind is still patrolling vietnam.
Steve vo. I don't want to be around a lot of strangers. I go to a shopping mall, and it's make a beeline in, hit the store, get what you want, and get out. You have to look in every eye that goes by you, and you have to scan the entire environment, from left to right, up and down.
(steven driving home.)
Narr. He's excessively alert, always on guard. To the casual eye, he looks like the ideal american veteran. Good neighbor, family man. But for 20 years he brought his rage and anger home each night. He won't talk about his first marriage. His second was in trouble until he found the vet center. Now things are better at home.
(comes home, kisses daughter.)
Steve vo. And i wish that there had been someone, anyone, that could have done something to help me a long time ago. I wouldn't have hurt myself, and i wouldn't have hurt the ones that are around me as much as i have.
(trw board meeting.)
Narr. At work, steven's a success -- always in control. He suppresses thoughts about the day an enemy rocket blew up his firebase. That trauma left him with p.t.s.d.
(steven walks down hallway and office stairs.)
Steve vo. I remember looking at the pile of men that had been alive an hour before and were dead now. *** i was one of the couple of guys that picked them up and put them on the medivac choppers as they went out ... You know, parts of the bodies were coming off in my hands, and it was really very *** but i know i went numb. I was just totally numb. And i felt aged when i came back. I knew i was only 20 that day, but i might as well have been 80.
(computer room.)
Narr. There are professionals all over america like steve. They're suffering from delayed stress. They don't know what's wrong with them. That includes doctors, lawyers, bankers, literate people who surprisingly have never heard of the disorder. Steve's upset that he learned about himself so late. He blames the v.a. for failing to spread the word.
(steven driving.)
Steve vo. I resent it. I had no idea that there was anyting called p.t.s.d. i didn't hear anything about it on the radio, newspaper, t.v.
(night -- caspar driving.)
Narr. You can have untreated p.t.s.d. and live in suburbia. But it's more likely you'll be living in the streets. One out of three homeless men is a vietnam veteran. One-third of the men without shelter served their country in wartime.
Caspar vo. When i came back from the 'nam, i had quite a habit. Johnny come marching home again hurrah, hurrah. Only thing, the gun i was carrying when i came back was a little syringe.
Narr, caspar's home is his car. He stopped using heroin, but he shows other p.t.s.d symptoms: a wandering lifestyle, nightmares, isolation.
(caspar sleeping in car.)
He sleeps in whatever seattle parking lot is empty.
Caspar vo. You find out at the end of the day, after praying, saying thank you, made it another day -- look at the realities. I'm alone. Alone.
(ws seattle skyline and homeless street shots.)
Narr. P.t.s.d. is a disease that doesn't discriminate. It reaches from the veterans who work in the board rooms to the veterans who sleep in the streets.
Caspar vo. A lot of my brothers, veterans, are on the street because they can't put the 'nam away. To them, their body's here, but their mind and actions are still there. To [*s7691] me, the streets are, shall we say, my hideaway.
(ext. Caspar in soupline.)
Narr. Caspar has never been to a vet center. Experts say there could be as many as 500,000 vietnam veterans still in need of counseling. That so many have been left behind is often attributed to a lack of zeal on the part of the veterans administration.
Shad vo. Well, one thing you have to understand is the v.a. as an entity.
(o/c.)
Sync. Has never liked the vet center program. It's an insult, basically an embarrassment.
Narr. The v.a.'s established routines and procedures couldn't include the new therapies required to treat p.t.s.d., meshad explains.
Shad sync. The v.a. administrator liked me and brought me in to do this program, and it was jammed down the v.a.'s throat. I mean, literally, it was stated that it would have been better to put the vet center program under forestry or agriculture, as funny as that may sound, for the logistical support that we needed to get started. And we were a little 20-million-dollar-plus program that took care of all the vietnam vets, and here they got a $24 billion program that couldn't address vietnam vets.
(ext. Vet centers.)
Narr. Despite the v.a.'s reluctance, congress was determined to make the program more effective. It expanded the scope of the vet centers *** but at the same time, fixed a date when the centers had to be closed down. The v.a. didn't object. It had its own plan for treating p.t.s.d. physically move the centers.
(ext. Hospital.)
In short, the program that worked so well outside hospital walls was to be pushed inside, brought into v.a. mental hygiene clinics.
(int. Hospital, psych ward.)
Acutely ill vets would be treated in psychiatric wards. The v.a. admits no money would be saved nor would treatment be better. Many vets are suspicious. They don't want to mingle with people who are a lot sicker than they are. One veteran fears drugs.
(pill distribution.)
Steve vo. I don't trust v.a. hospitals. People go into v.a. hospitals and end up on thorazine, shuffling along the halls. Most of the vets that i know won't go anywhere near a v.a. hospital unless they're dying.
Shad vo. The vietnam vets don't trust the veterans administration. They trust the vet center program and the counselors. They don't see it as a v.a. program.
(shad o/c.)
Sync. Their trust is with the centers, and you tear that home down, it's like burning the villages down as we did in vietnam, and that's home. And that's, that was the pain. You can't just go somewhere else and say, this is home.
(over memo.)
Narr. Early last year, even before the date congress had established, the v.a. in uncharacteristic haste listed nine local centers it intended to close.
Dan vo. You say that the vet centers are doing a good job.
Blank vo. Mm hmm.
Dan vo. You think they're necessary.
Blank vo. Mm hmm.
Dan vo. Then why did the veterans administration attempt to begin closing some of the vet centers?
(blank o/c.) Narr. Dr. Arthur blank is the v.a.'s man in charge. He directs the vet center program from washington.
Blank sync. The law requires -- as it is presently stated -- that a number of vet centers move to medical facilities. And a judgment was made that since that was going to have to be done on a large scale, it ought to be done on a small scale to see how it goes.
Dan sync. Did you agree with that decision?
Blank sync. Uh, it's a reasonable management decision.
Dan sync. The question was whether you agree with it.
Blank sync. Well, it's a little hard to uh, uh, again, this is a policy matter and i really can't, uh, i can't make a judgment as such about a policy matter.
Dan sync. What are you doing to have the law changed?
Blank sync. That's not my job. My job's not to have the law changed. My job is for us to provide the services, and that's what we're doing.
Dan sync. And if you believe that it should be done one way.
Blank sync. Mm hmm.
Dan sync. You say it isn't you job.
Blank sync. Mm hmm.
Dan sync. Isn't it your responsibility to try to influence congress and have them provide what you believe is necessary?
Blank sync. No, it's certainly not my responsibility to try and influence congress.
Dan sync. I want to make sure i have the picture.
Blank sync. Mm hmm.
Dan sync. Unless congress changes its mind.
Blank sync. Mm hmm.
Dan sync. Changes the legislation.
Blank sync. Mm hmm.
Dan sync. You are going to be closing vet centers in whose work you believe.
Blank sync. That's my understanding, yes.
(guy o/c.) Dan sync. Now, you've lived it. What do you think of that?
Guy sync. It's rude.
Narr. Guy iredale has been in p.t.s.d. treatment for over a year.
Guy sync. We are different. And for someone to try to take away what a lot of us need to help us get over this, it's thoughtless and it's rude.
(blank o/c.) Dan sync. If i were able to tell you, overwhelming the veterans say, no, don't do it.
Blank sync. Mm.
Dan sync. Then would you favor leaving it pretty much as it is?
Blank sync. Well, i'd want to look at the evidence, i'd want to look at the documentation.
(int. Vet center, room and walls, mix of posters.)
Secretary sync. Vet center, debbie, may i help you?
Narr. A lot of evidence gets turned out in vet centers *** reports the v.a. says it needs. But there's one basic unanswered question: how many men out there are suffering for p.t.s.d.? The answer to this question is buried in a report that cost taxpayers six million dollars and it's now two-and-a-half years late.
(blank o/c.)
Blank sync. The reason it's late is because it's so good, i think.
Dan sync. But doctor, if i run a year later in my work, i'm likely not to have my job.
Blank sync. Yes, yes.
Dan sync. These people (under) are running two years late.
Blank sync. Well, that's the way it goes with research.
Dan sync. Doctor, you're the commander on point here. Do you have enough money to do what you need to do?
Blank sync. I think that we could be doing more, i think there are veterans that, that we're not reaching at this point in time. Uh, i guess the best i can do about that is to hope that they'll be able to wait until we get to them.
(drive thru american lake.)
Narr. Obviously some veterans can't wait. They hurt too much. Tacoma, washington. The director and staff psychologist of this medical center cut through the red tape. They developed a treatment program beyond vet centers ... And they don't do it where the v.a. would like to place the veteran -- in psych wards or in mental hygiene clinics. It's a building standing apart; it is here that men who have already had exposure to simple therapy spend 11 weeks in advanced treatment.
(o/c ptsd unit, dennis in wheelchair.)
For the veteran the hardest part is called "vietnam focus," where each man must tell his most troubling story.
(wheeling dennis in.)
Dennis lost his leg after the war. To him, that crippling is minor compared to what he'd seen and done in vietnam, where he was a medical corpsman. Took care of wounded in the field. This is his day to talk.
(o/c.)
Dennis sync. I went through five weeks of training, in which they showed us these ideal wounds. I never saw an ideal wound. He was tapping on the trees, as he walked down, trying to draw fire. When he seen what the machine gun was doing, he cut loose. Then it hit the fan. When it was over, i'd lost four good friends. Then they got to an area called the valley of death. They got hit hard. And it took us about three days to get in there. And all the way all you say was bodies. And when he fired it just went across their legs and just hit the one guy's nose. So they was still alive, and he says, uh, i said what do you want me to do with them, and he says kill 'em. God, buckles, he had his face shot off, had a round in his shoulder, round through his wrist, round through his thigh. I said, you die, i'll kill you (pause). He couldn't talk. He grabbed hold of my arm *** (sobs).
(cutaways of men in unit.)
Narr. Dennis has been carrying this guilt for twenty years. What's at stake here are the lives and sanity of these men. The urgency of this treatment comes from a simple fact: the rate of suicide among vietnam veterans is abnormally high. We tell you now that unless treated p.t.s.d. gets worse with time, not better. The longer the v.a. waits, the more difficult it will be to bring them back in -- from way out there.
Ray sync. What is a true statement about how much you deserve or earned the right to survive?
Voice sync. Corpsman!
Ray sync. What are you doing, dennis?
Anne sync. Are you gonnna shut us out? Is that what you're doing?
Dennis sync. Yeah.
Ray sync. Is that what this is -- give me your whole, give us the whole message, if that's the whole message. Don't just give us part of it. What's the whole message?
Dennis sync. If they died, i should've died with 'em.
Ray sync. This is a very big issue that a lot of guys come in here and have to deal with is do i deserve, do i have the right to survive?
Vet sync. I think you had a right to survive. Even if i don't believe it for myself, i can believe it for you. I respect you. I think you deserve to live. I know you do.
Ray sync. Do i have a right to a decent life? To some peace? I hope you all come to some resolution about that for yourselves. 'Cuz i don't know if you guys don't deserve to live, who does? That's my question.
Subject: veterans (96%); mental illness (92%); diseases & disorders (91%); television programming (90%); network television (90%); suicide (78%); epidemiology & public health (57%);

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.