Teresa Heinz Kerry Signs Historic November to January Lease on Versailles II, France

DATELINE VERSAILLES: One day after Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit to Iraq, les tout France from Paris Nord to Versailles came to a halt to honor the surprise visit of Mrs. Teresa Heinz Kerry to this sleepy Parisian suburb and former home of the Ancien Regime (AKA "Kings and Queens of France").

Arriving on the personal jet that is not owned by her but by her family, Mrs. Teresa Heinz Kerry (or Mrs. Teresa Kerry-Heinz as she prefers to be known in Europe), was quick to make her way to Versailles II in order to sign the lease for her and her husband's forthcoming R&R retreat now scheduled from November 3, 2004 to January 31, 2005.

Teresa's sudden appearance in France marked the first time she has been away from the Campaign for the Presidency of the United States of America since Saturday. "The strain is just enormous," she remarked," especially that of being away from my friends here in France for so long, but the proprieties must be observed especially during the final weeks of this, how do you say?, 'debacle'?"

After a suitable luncheon consisting of a light salad, une morsel de fromage blanc, and six courses of white and red wine, Mrs. Kerry-Heinz took a tour of the villa which heretofore had been referred to under the code name 'Martha's Vineyard East.'

"You have to say something to all those little people without enough sense to either vote for my husband or let their children gambol about naked," Mrs. Kerry-Heinz quipped to the French press corps who had all donned giant poodle and corgi costumes in her honor.

Head chef of the French tourism and villa rental bureau, M. Jacques Chirac, was on hand to witness the historic signing of the lease for the Kerry-Heinz's Versailles II.*** "With all this stylish and historic moment," M. Chirac stated, "The grandeur of France's ever-deepening relationship with the Democratic Party is illuminated once again. I am looking forward to many strolls and romps in the grounds of Versailles II with Teresa, as well as a number of private and tender interludes with her recently worn shoes."

Before being wheeled back aboard her plane, Mrs. Kerry-Heinz told the entire nation of Kerry Supporters-Extraordinaire, "Les etat, c'est moi. I'm excited to be here and even more excited by your sensible attitude towards oil and catsup. I count the moments until we can be together. Au revoir, Lafayette."

Le Backgrounder pour Le Presse International
***Versailles II is located 35 minutes northwest of Paris near Versailles. Designed by architect Francois Mansart around 1668 for Jean Dyel, the Comte d'Aufflay, Louis XIV's ambassador to Venice and finished around 1696 by his nephew Jules Hardouin-Mansart. One of the most significant historical chateaux in France, Versailles

II is at once both simple and sumptuous with the great octagonal salon in white and blue that has dessus-de-deportes by Boucher, the elegant dining room with the original 17th Century carved stone buffet, magnificent boiseries and the stone entry hall which completely exalts the classicism of the Period.

All of the eleven bedrooms, eleven full baths and three half baths were newly beautifully remodeled with limestone, antique mirrors and chandeliers. A Professional gourmet kitchen was completely remodeled in the year 2000 with all top of the line Hobart commercial appliances. Enjoy the sparkling pool and newly built tennis court. The state-of-the-art telephone system is accessible from room. There are many outbuildings including a spacious chapel and adjacent reception rooms, guest house, horse stable and greenhouse. The gardens by Le Notre spread out behind the chateau; in the central axis, the spectacular fountain that resembles the cascade at Louis XIV's Chateau Marly, surmounted by a Neptune from Saint Ouen.

There are two rectangular-shaped lakes on each side of the gardens. The 185-acres grounds provide privacy, serenity and numerous outdoor activities for the chateau. Jules Hardouin-Mansart and Le Notre designed Versailles at the same period of time. The magnificence and elegance in the smaller scale was evident in Versailles II.

Ummm, yes, it's a joke. For example here is another article from the same site. I don't think these are the original Gilbert and Sullivan lyrics, I think they have been modified.

I Am the Very Model of A Modern Kerry Democrat
Kerry :
I am the very model of a modern Kerry-Democrat,
I'm an information animal, a medal-dripping technocrat,
I know the Kennedys of Camelot, and hide my votes historical,
While my Deaniac supporters consult the Usenet Oracle;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters matrimonial,
I understand rich heiresses, and lust for figures patrimonial,
About Republican recessions I'm steaming up my views,
With many bogus facts about the bad news in the better news.

ALL :
With many bogus facts about the bad news in the better news.
With many bogus facts about the bad news in the better news.
With many bogus facts about the bad news in the better news.

Kerry :
I'm very good at counting up my votes without an abacus;
My forehead knows the use of chemicals botoxculous:
In short, in matters bureaucrat , Eurocrat, and plutocrat,
I am the very model of a modern Kerry-Democrat.

ALL :
In short, in matters bureaucrat , Eurocrat, and plutocrat
He is the very model of a modern Kerry-Democrat.

Kerry :
I know our mythic history, Kings Roosevelt and Kennedy;
I answer softball questions, I humm the Clinton threnody,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of all the Bushes,
With enough votes in November I can ram them up their tushes;

I know a place in France where the women wear no pants,
But if I am elected all CEOS will look askance!
I promise you I’ll can them, be a Democratic zealot,
And whistle all the songs from that infernal nonsense Camelot.

ALL :
And whistle all the songs from that infernal nonsense Camelot.
And whistle all the songs from that infernal nonsense Camelot.
And whistle all the songs from that infernal nonsense Camelot.

Kerry :
Then I will pass a tax bill rich in Senatorial babble,
That will only take more money from the richer of this rabble:
In short, in matters bureaucrat , Eurocrat, and plutocrat,
I am the very model of a modern Kerry-Democrat.

ALL :
In short, in matters bureaucrat , Eurocrat, and plutocrat,
He is the very model of a modern Kerry-Democrat.

Kerry :
When I know what is meant by "blatherin" and "spewin",
When I can tell at sight Mass Distraction from Destruction,
When at affairs for fundraising and payoffs I'm aristocrat,
And when my summer White House will be built in Montserrat,
When I have dubbed as my VP the GynoClinton Senator,
And with her help have shown the Bush clan to the door--
In short, when I’m elected as a Democratic President,
You'll say a better Kerry-Democrat has never been a White House resident.

ALL :
You'll say a better Kerry-Democrat has never been a White House resident.
You'll say a better Kerry-Democrat has never been a White House resident.
You'll say a better Kerry-Democrat has never been a White House resident.

Kerry :
For my military knowledge, though I'm gunshy and NoelCowardly,
I’ll be glad to let the UN rule our Armies most rearwardly;
In short, in matters bureaucrat , Eurocrat, and plutocrat,
I am the very model of a modern Kerry-Democrat.

ALL :
In short, in matters bureaucrat , Eurocrat, and plutocrat,
He is the very model of a modern Kerry-Democrat.

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