Posted on 10/07/2004 3:43:21 PM PDT by knews_hound
WALL STREET JOURNAL ONLINE NEWS ROUNDUP May 25, 2005 4:05 p.m.
Americans With No Abilities Act Passes Congress, Washington, DC
Congress approved today sweeping legislation that provides generous benefits for countless Americans lacking the basic skills and motivation required to function productively in everyday life. The "Americans With No Abilities Act" (AWNAA), signed into law by President Kerry shortly after passage, is being hailed by advocates as a major victory for the millions of Americans who lack any real skills, ambition or worth.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in our society. They've been virtually left behind" said President Kerry, a longtime AWNAA supporter. We can no longer stand by idly and allow Persons of Inability (PIA) to be ridiculed and passed-by by those with more motivation and skill. With this legislation employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to workers simply because they do a better job or have at least some idea of what they're doing" said the beaming president.
President Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 80% of postal employees lack job skills making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. Other private sector industries with long-standing records of nondiscrimination against the Persons of Inability include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%) and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). President Kerry has set an example by personally selecting hundreds of unqualified and incapable people to fill federal government positions, including many of his top-level cabinet jobs.
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created with important-sounding titles yet little responsibility, providing an illusory sense of purpose. Mandatory nonperformance-based raises and promotions will be provided under the newly signed Act to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The new legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant percentage of Persons of Inability in top positions, and provides a tax credit to small and medium size businesses that agree to hire two clueless or worthless workers for every talented new-hire.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new provisions that make it more difficult to discriminate against Persons of Inability by banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or " Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and the sometimes asked "Are you even awake?".
"As a Person of Inability, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut spinner at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help useless people like me."
With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented Americans can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. President Kerry closed the signing ceremony by saying, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, skill or motivation, with some sort of entitlement. "The Americans With No Abilities Act has fulfilled that mission".
If sKerry gets elected the the day is not far off.
Would that mean you qualify to be helped by this Act? ;-)
You mean this is a joke?
This is reall, it was left over from Johnson's war on poverty. They just wrote it differently.
Isn't this already in place? lol
I always knew I was "special".
Now I'm sure...
Cheers,
knews hound
LOL funny! But the sad thing is there is almost a ring of truth to it.
Where did the expression "be afraid, be very very afraid" come from?
TO receive benefits all one need to do is sign up at DemocraticUnderground. Benefits commence with the first post over there.
Do I get the secret docoder ring too?
Cheers,
knews hound
AFSCME and the NEA would clamor for immediate benefits. Never before in the course of human endeavor have so many done so little for so much.
You should not post these things when I am eating and drinking at my desk. It means I now have to clean the entire area of food particles and beverage splatters, and change clothes from my waist down.
It also means I will have to take the keyboard apart to dry it off...
In the meantime, I'm not sure if I should thank you or not... ;-]
"be afraid, be very afraid"...... Hillary to bill if kerry gets elected before her...?
Just doing my part !
Cheers,
knews hound
Funny stuff!
*snort!*
I was still composing a letter to my reps when I read this thread. I just knew something like this was gonna happen sooner or later.
I lived in Canada from 1983 to 1986.
Having suffered under the wretched Canada Post while there, I no longer criticize the US Postal Service. The difference between the USPS and Canada Post in speed and efficiency is roughly equivalent to the difference between email and the USPS.
"President Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal Service... Other private sector industries..."
Don't forget city and county highway departments, with their opportunities for shovel leaners, assistant shovel leaners, etc.
In Chicago, Mayor Washington said that he would improve city services to minority neighborhoods without reducing services to other neighborhoods or raising taxes. How? By requiring work from city employees who were on the payroll but weren't showing up. A nice thought...
"lug-nut spinner"
I thought of Kerry when I read that!...
What about us Lazy-Americans? I have plenty of ability, I just can't ever finish anyth
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.