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Well, I'd been eyeing the giant Twinkie - it's easily as tall as me - for the whole first weekend. I wanted it. When I found out it was a Styro-pastry, I knew I had to have it.

Our first heist happened about 10 yesterday morning. We sent Angela to distract the chick who was barking for the Twinkies booth. Then Eric (one of our barkers) and I sidled up, grabbed the Twinkie, and ran back across the way, yelling, "We got it! Woohoo! Triumph is ours!"

Someone was running behind us screaming, and I thought it was Angela . . . we put the Twinkie down in our largest booth, and damned if it wasn't the Twinkie barker chick. She grabbed it and ran back across the way with it.

A few hours later, Cari (one of our psychics) went over to apologize for stealing it. While she was doing so, Eric and his girlfriend Kristen thugged the Twinkie again, and since the Twinkie girls were inside the counter instead of out barking, they had to come around and retrieve it via vicious tug-of-war.

I found out that Greg (King Henry) made it, and I'm gonna ask him how much it cost. If it's under $50, I'm gonna spring to have another one made, because I have several ideas, all of which would likely prove destructive.

First, I'd like to grab it and run screaming through the village with it, for as long as I could stand it, and then put it back where it was and act like nothing happened.

Second, I'd like to take it over to the Arena when the Scottish Highlanders are warming up for the Highland Games, and toss it like a caber.

Third, I'd like to heist it late at night on the final Saturday . . . and put it atop the front gate wall, where the fairies used to hang out and play.

We also want to thug it and dress it in scarves, and then deny it's a Twinkie. "Is no Twinkie, is Gypsy. Is Rosmerta, Gypsy psychic! No touch Rosmerta!"

lotta bard in you, princess warrior

Easily one of the greatest stories of our time. It needs to be immortalized into an epic trilogy called the Lady of the Twink or something like that. Whadda ya think?