John Kerry , king of all powder puffs.
John Kerry , king of all powder puffs.
Reporter 1: Oh Mister Kerry (smooch-smooch), highly exalted one (slurp-slurp), You look so... so... dashing, playing football. Were you taking time off from your grueling campaign schedule?
JFK: Well, yes son we were. My staff here has been working pretty hard, and I felt they needed and deserved a break. I am fine and ready to go on, but my staff really needed this time off.
Reporter 2: Senator Kerry, your Royal Highness, Sir. I noticed your athletic prowess sir. Have you played sports before?
JFK: Well, yes young man I have. I played football with my boatmates when I was in Viet Nam. Have I told you I was in Viet Nam? Well me and my guys would play football in our down time, because I figured it would keep my crews minds and bodies sharp.
JFK: In fact one time, in 1968, we were going down this river in Viet Nam, when this rocket whizzed right towards my swiftboat, heading straight for one of my guys. But because of my playing football with my guys, it kept my senses finely tuned. I lept from my position driving the boat and knocked one of my shipmates out of the way of the rocket. I then went back, grabbed the wheel, gunned the engine, and beached the boat. And not 10 feet from me a VC guerilla jumped up in front of me. My crew opened up with everything we had, but the VC ran behind a hooch. My gunner opened up on the hooch with our twin .50's, and I leapt off the boat, and dashed down this trail, after the VC. With bullets zinging by, and roots all over the ground, it was just like playing football, zigging and zagging, and juking and jiving. Because thats what you do when you play football, and play war. I mean fight wars.
JFK: Well after I caught up to the VC who was cowaring behind the hooch....you should see what twin .50's do to a hooch....well this VC sees me and he's pretty shot up and all...and I figure its either him or me... so I shot him. And thats how I got my Silver Star with the V device...the only one ever given out. And I was given it by the Secretary of Defense no less.
JFK: And that everyone, is why I'm out here playing football with my staff. 1-for recreation. But more importantly...to keep my staff sharp and in peak physical and mental shape...like I was in Viet Nam. You never know when you'll need it.
Grumpy McGramps, an unemployed Kerry staffer, tosses a decent spiral to a receiver while under pressure from his boss.
"'T'wern't too hard," reported the jobless McGramps. "He ain't as spry as those hot-dogging photos show. I made him look bad and he don't appreciate that."
JFK demonstrates his foreign policy platform.