scissorman, she fell out the top o' the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down face first...
So ugly she could make Ray Charles Flinch...
So ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother...
(all those high school jokes are starting to come out from the spider-webs of my memory...)
She so damn ugly, they had ta put a pork chop round her neck just so the dog would play with her