"STOP IT!! It's getting very silly, Private Parts."
| Colonel | Come in, what do you want? |
| Private Watkins enters and salutes. | |
| Watkins | I'd like to leave the army please, sir. |
| Colonel | Good heavens man, why? |
| Watkins | It's dangerous. |
| Colonel | What? |
| Watkins | There are people with guns out there, sir. |
| Colonel | What? |
| Watkins | Real guns, sir. Not toy ones, sir. Proper ones, sir. They've all got 'em. All of 'em, sir. And some of 'em have got tanks. |
| Colonel | Watkins, they are on our side. |
| Watkins | And grenades, sir. And machine guns, sir. So I'd like to leave, sir, before I get killed, please. |
| Colonel | Watkins, you've only been in the army a day. |
| Watkins | I know sir but people get killed, properly dead, sir, no barley cross fingers, sir. A bloke was telling me, if you're in the army and there's a war you have to go and fight. |
| Colonel | That's true. |
| Watkins | Well I mean, blimey, I mean if it was a big war somebody could be hurt. |
| Colonel | Watkins why did you join the army? |
| Watkins | For the water-skiing and for the travel, sir. And not for the killing, sir. I asked them to put it on my form, sir - no killing. |
| Colonel | Watkins are you a pacifist? |
| Watkins | No sir, I'm not a pacifist, sir. I'm a coward. |
| Colonel | That's a very silly line. Sit down. |
"STOP IT!! It's getting very silly, Private Parts."