Thanks for writing that, BM; you put into words what many of us feel but cannot express adequately.
And, of course, your loss brings back my loss, so we are forever linked in our grief in a club we never wanted to belong to.
Just take some comfort in knowing that there will come a day when your every thought doesn't end with "but Jacob is dead." I can't say when, but it will come. You never get over it, you just learn to live with it as a part of your life.
I love your web site; it must have been very painful for her to work on. Very brave.
And I will certainly pray for Matthew; I have sort of that same situation since the boy who Drew lived with is the one who started the generator and who found him; it's hard watching that struggle in such a young person. All I can say is that four and a half years later, I am still telling him I don't blame him. How senseless it would be to lose Jacbo and Drew, and have it destroy two other boys' lives. Praying hard. And pray for strength for all of us survivors.
I think we've both said that many time, Howlin. "You never get over it." It just becomes a part of everything you do for the rest of your life. It changes you. I have seen it completely destroy some who refused to lean on the Lord, and I've seen lives changed for the better (as in my own case)for those who gave it all to God. There's no way you can handle it alone.