Terrorist: You won’t use my name will you?
Me: What do you mean?
Terrorist: How will you describe me?
Me: Ugly. Smells like a pig in heat. Too much hair. Small backbone.
Terrorist: No, no. I mean, what will you call me?
Me: Call you? You’re not my style. I will never call you.
Terrorist: No, no. How will you refer to me? Will you call me a freedom fighter?
Me: Are you for freedom?
Terrorist: No. Freedom is for the weak. Men must be ruled by Allah or be tortured and killed.
Me: Are you a fighter?
Terrorist: Yes. I will mutilate and destroy your women and children whenever I can.
Me: You would fight women and children?
Terrorist: No. Women are scary. They can be very mean. I will blow them up when they are not looking. Or shoot them in the back.
Me: No, I will not call you a freedom fighter.
Terrorist: How about militant. Will you refer to me as a militant?
Me: Are you in the military? Do you wear a uniform?
Terrorist: No. No. If terrorists wore uniforms we would be shot on sight. Even by women and children. Maybe even by each other. Being a terrorist is a very tricky thing.
Me: No, I will not refer to you as a militant.
Terrorist: Armed militant then.
Me: Why?
Terrorist: We are not so different. We have arms and legs and toes. Referring to me as an armed militant makes me appear more human.
Me: No.
Terrorist: How about insurgent? You could call me an insurgent.
Me: What government are you revolting against?
Terrorist: All of them. All governments are against chaos. Infidels have taken over all governments.
Me: What about the Arab nations?
Terrorist: Praised be Allah. He has given the faithful many blessings. Many acres of rock and desert to call our own. In some places, there are even trees. We have used these lands to build a great civilization.
Me: What are the accomplishments of your civilization?
Terrorist: We are great killers of the infidels. And have many fine recipes for scorpion.
Me: No. I will not refer to you as an insurgent.
Terrorist: How about guerrilla? You could call me a guerrilla.
Me: No. Guerrillas, though they are animals, like you, have a certain dignity. They are somewhat man-like. It would be too much of an insult to those fine creatures.
Terrorist: How then will you refer to me?
Me: I will call you a terrorist. A murderer. Human filth.
Terrorist: How dare you! I am not a republican.
Me: Can you wind surf?
Great!