Please lets try to raise the bar here. If you don't know the language, don't run it though babel fish and think it will be good enough.
I have started the translation but it will take a while, here is the first part, I will post more later:
George W. Bush has mobilized the fundamentalist Christians in order to become president. Which is not difficult for him, since he is one of them. A journey through a world, in which there is only good and bad.
We met Jesus briefly at lunch break in front of the cloister. He sat at a fountain in the old city of Jerusalem, and the children asked him: "Hey, are you Jesus?" He wore a long, grey cotton robe, the brown locks fell (from him) on the shoulder. He looked with clear blue eyes and patted the child's head. Then Jesus said: "I have found my task, God wants me here."
[next section]
Bush's Crusade
It is a really hot Saturday, and Saturdays are especially demanding for Les/Jesus, because he will be crucified two times. Midday at twelve o'clock and in the afternoon at 3:45, on each occasion, for 20 minutes. Which always requires certain preparation, both mental and physical, this is why Les Cheveldayoff must stop the "child head patting." Duty calls. He has to paint blood red whip marks on himself, then put on a little dust over his chest and back, shoulder a massive wooden beam and get going on the way of suffering: right at the fountain, down the Via Dolorosa, past Simeons' Ice stand and straight on to Golgotha. A thousand visitors expect an orderly crucifiction and enter the resurrection for $29:99, children at a reduced price. Jesus will be bound to the cross, die punctually at 3:40 and raise again at 3:45. There is enthusiasm in the audience.
A million people have already come to the "plastic Jerusalem," and the success is so overpowering, that the founder Marvin Rosenthal thinks about expansion and seeks another parcial of land on the other side of the highway, to the left is Disney world, to the right is Universal Studios; and in the middle, the Holy Land, and in the middle of the Holy Land "Noah's Ark," the next million dollar project. "God personally wants that," says Rosenthal. God also wanted for him to convert from Judaism to Christianity and because of that he has been saved, right on time for the end of the world. Armageddon, the great finale between good and evil, is close, it says so in the Bible. "It is the word of God," said Rosenthal, "It does not allow for any other interpretation."
Marvin Rosenthal is a good American. A Patriot. A man with Values. Who lives according to the scriptures and believes firmly that the world was created in seven days, Mary conceived as a virgin [a bit of paraphrase, but that is the jist] and Jesus walked on water. Rosenthal also believes, that homosexuality is a sin and abortion is murder and a wife should obey the husband. Rosenthal believes what at least 30 million fundamentalist Christians in the USA believe: in the literal interpretation of the Bibel, without ifs and buts. The president does not have to worry about Marvin on November 2nd, on election day. Christ like Rosenthal chose Bush, the the God fearing president.
[more to come]