Can we have him wear flip-flops and stand behind a stick podium while he's debating himself?
Good evening. I'm Jim Lehrer and tonight we have Senator John Flipper Kerry, Democratic Nominee for President of the United States, debating himself on a wide range of issues from Social Security to the French approach to the War on Terrorism. Due to the fact that Senator Kerry really doesn't like it when people question his position, this format will be simple. I'll ask the candidate a question and he'll respond with both of his positions. He will not be allowed to rebut.
Shalom.
I know I'm talking to myself, but I still think we should call him Senator Ricebutt.
Shalom.