I thought the education line (if everyone got a good education, who would teach in the public schools) was funny. I could see the environment line falling flat though. That needs a bit of work.
Jokes seldom read well. But I think I can hear the sound of crickets chirping over some of these.
The Kyoto joke was quoted. The other comment about cars was paraphrased; it reminds me of the officers' logs of Lenny Bruce's comedy routine. It is possible to report "what" was said but to break it down so it doesn't sound like a joke.