Day in the Life of Joe Middle-Class Republican (barf alert)

TvNewsLIES ^

[MEGoody]

"I didn't know that food safety was a liberal vs. conservative thing."

This is just one of the lies the liberals tell themselves. They also believe conservatives want dirty water and air. (Reminds me of the Muslims teaching their kids and Jews drink the blood of Islamic babies.)

[Porterville]

On the way to the bank, Joe stops at the local park for a quicky in the men's bathroom with Mac... established by some liberal who recognized the necessity of "getting out the gayness"

[tsmith130]

Joe lives in NJ?

[Mr. Jeeves]

Conservatives are against food safety?

Conservatives are against spending unlimited amounts of money to set up regulations based on unproven claims. So to a liberal, that means conservatives are against food safety, because the liberal wants one of those jobs as a regulator. ;)

[Egon]

Puleez Ping.

[Porterville]

[boxerblues]

Joe gets up at 6am to go to work because some liberal is too busy butting into his life to get a real job and has made his life a living hell.

Joe will get home after 6pm turn on the TV only to find out some liberal has made another attempt at making his life miserable and wont be able to retire until he is 72 years old, if he lives that long.

[baseballmom]

ROFLMAO

[Know your rights]

some liberal fought for minimum water quality standards.

No, what liberals fight for is quality standards unsupported by any medical or biological evidence.

[KC_Conspirator]

Apparently, nobody drank water before the Clean Water Act because it was so unsafe for humans.

[CFC__VRWC]

Joe actually has a home, a workplace and a bank to go to, and he doesn't speak German or Russian or Arabic because conservatives did not allow liberals to eliminate the armed forces and jail all our soldiers, sailors and airmen as "war criminals."

Joe's company is able to offer him his excellent salary and benfits package because conservatives will not allow liberals to nationalize all private industry in America and turn this nation into yet another decrepit utopian hellhole.

Joe is able to go to the church of his choice and to worship God in the way he chooses to because conservatives will not allow liberals to expunge all traces of God out of our public and private lives, close down the churches and send the clergy to re-education camps.

Joe can own land, build a home on it and use it for any legal activity he chooses because conservatives won't allow liberals to use the government to sieze his property and declare it off limits to any human activity because the habitat of the Lower East 10th Street crawling oak fungus must be protected.

I'm out of time - feel free to add as you see fit.

[smith288]

Smith288, average white, middle-class man, woke up this morning not having to fight islamunists outside his front door thanks to conservative folks willing to stand up for our safety.

[Bella_Bru]

set up regulations based on unproven claims

It doesn't matter if you are a liberal or a conservative. Leaving raw meat out at room temp for a few hours during packing isn't a wise idea.

[Lunatic Fringe]

Impressive. A liberal was able to make a list of all the liberal programs from which I benefit each day. I could just as easily write a list of conservative programs/beliefs that a liberal benefits from every day.

"Joe-liberal wakes up. He doesn't have to go to the fields to pick cotton for da mastah because some Republican thought it would be a good idea to free all the slaves."

[Glynn]

As an ex-Democrat, you are absolutely correct. This is what men like Zell Miller and Ed Koch have been saying for years. The Democratic party is not what it once was. Not even close.

[rintense]

Funny, they didn't ask my permission to use the title. ;)

[The_Victor]

I don't drink coffee, this article is poorly researched.

Poorly researched? Heck, it's delusional.

[asgardshill]

The article omits to mention part of the daily Republican routine pointed out by Michael Moore -- according to Michael, Republicans get up at 6:00 in the morning in order to determine which minority groups to screw.

Michael Moore is absolutely right. This morning, I selected left-handed Anabaptists to screw over. Tomorrow is red-haired carpenters with a hairy mole on their right ear.

[oblomov]

Jokes from another era's liberal paradise:

---

One man to another: 'Because of communism we have many planes!'


'Why do you need to fly?'


'Well what if suddenly, say, flour is being given out in Kalug. Fly for half an hour--and I'm there!'

---

Brezhnev asked the Pope, 'Why do people believe in a Catholic paradise, but refuse to believe in a communist paradise?'


'Because we don't show our paradise!'

---

'Is communism a science?'


'No. If it were a science, it would have been tested on dogs first.'

---

Alexander the Great, Caesar and Napoleon observed the army parade in Red Square, as honorable visitors.


'If I had Soviet tanks,' Alexander said, 'I would have been invincible!'


'If I had Soviet planes,' Caesar speaks, 'I could have conquered the whole world!'


'And if I had had the newspaper Pravda [trans. The Truth],' Napoleon said, 'the world, even now, would not have found out about Waterloo!'

---

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are praising their wives.

'When my wife goes for a ride,' the Englishman says, 'her
legs drag on the ground. Not because the horse is small, but
because my wife has long beautiful legs!'


'I embrace my wife around the waist with only two fingers,' says the Frenchman, 'not because I have a big hand, but because my wife has a slim waist!'


'Before leaving for work,' says the Russian, 'I slap my wife's behind. And when I come back from work, her behind is still shaking. It's not because my wife has a big flabby ass, but because in the USSR we have the shortest working day in the world!'

---

The seven miracles of the Soviet Authority:
1. There is no unemployment, yet nobody works.
2. Nobody works, yet the Grand Scheme is carried out.
3. The Grand Scheme is carried out, yet there is nothing to buy.
4. There is nothing to buy, yet there are lineups everywhere.
5. There are lineups everywhere, yet everyone has everything.
6. Everyone has everything yet everyone is dissatisfied.
7. Everyone is dissatisfied, yet everyone votes 'Yes'.

---

'Lena, I have ordered that the border be opened,' said Brezhnev.


'What! Have you lost your mind?! Everyone will get away, only the two of us will remain!'


'Hmmm, and who's the second?'

[cinives]

Its noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some bills

Oops, there not enough money left in the check after taxes were deducted to pay for all his bills/needs that the government does not provide for because those evil conservatives blocked more government services. Note to self: get the rich to pay more taxes so liberals can provide me more "free" things.