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Best of the Bad
Posted on 08/27/2004 8:01:10 AM PDT by jim macomber
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Perhaps these are last year's, I don't know. Or maybe even posted before but...what the heck - good for a laugh.
To: JulieRNR21; Jeff Head; JohnHuang2; Squantos; Dubya; hosepipe; blackie; Reb Raider; areafiftyone; ...
For the writers, readers, and fans of the written word...
2
posted on
08/27/2004 8:03:46 AM PDT
by
jim macomber
(Author: "Bargained for Exchange", "Art & Part", "A Grave Breach" http://www.jamesmacomber.com)
To: jim macomber
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
LOL
3
posted on
08/27/2004 8:04:29 AM PDT
by
Samwise
(John Kerry is a pseudo-French elitist, ketchup-swigging gigolo, wannabe-hero, billionaire doofus.)
To: jim macomber
"With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Edwards had a beauty that defied description."
To: jim macomber
I love this contest (Also known as "A Dark And Stormy Night" contest) You can go
HERE to see all of the past winners.My all time favorite is from 1985:
The countdown had stalled at T minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick, rubbery lips unmistakably--the first of many such advances during what would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my career.
5
posted on
08/27/2004 8:11:06 AM PDT
by
PaulJ
To: jim macomber
6
posted on
08/27/2004 8:12:44 AM PDT
by
nuconvert
(Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.)
To: PaulJ
7
posted on
08/27/2004 8:13:23 AM PDT
by
nuconvert
(Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.)
To: jim macomber; Samwise; VisualizeSmallerGovernment; PaulJ; nuconvert
Join the fun
over here on my thread from July! Tons more material.
8
posted on
08/27/2004 8:15:06 AM PDT
by
Xenalyte
(Gimme a dollar.)
To: jim macomber
Thanks, Jim.......this gave me a good laugh.....I was tempted to alter this one as a description of Michael Moore:
Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
9
posted on
08/27/2004 8:17:22 AM PDT
by
JulieRNR21
(One good term deserves another! Take W-04....Across America!)
To: jim macomber
Honorable Mention:
"I finished off the Christmas eggnog as I eased my boat into Camobodia."
To: jim macomber
The next morning the princess found out that a slime/smelly frog had taken her to bed.
11
posted on
08/27/2004 8:20:33 AM PDT
by
Grampa Dave
(https://www.swiftvets.com/swift/ccdonation.php?op=donate&site=SwiftVets)
To: PaulJ
Thanks for the link. Now I gotta go back and read some more.
To: jim macomber
LOLOL! Thanks for the chuckles!
To: jim macomber
I wish I could fit this in as a tagline...
"Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
14
posted on
08/27/2004 8:23:35 AM PDT
by
Chad Fairbanks
(I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend.)
To: jim macomber
Lightning criss-crossed the sky like the varicose veins on the leg of an old lady.
15
posted on
08/27/2004 8:30:51 AM PDT
by
coloradan
(Hence, etc.)
To: PaulJ
16
posted on
08/27/2004 8:32:54 AM PDT
by
jim macomber
(Author: "Bargained for Exchange", "Art & Part", "A Grave Breach" http://www.jamesmacomber.com)
To: coloradan
17
posted on
08/27/2004 8:36:15 AM PDT
by
Chad Fairbanks
(McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.)
To: Xenalyte
Not Bulwer-Lytton material but I had a friend in years past who repeatedly said he always wanted to hear a joke that started, "These three Popes walk into a bar..."
18
posted on
08/27/2004 8:37:04 AM PDT
by
jim macomber
(Author: "Bargained for Exchange", "Art & Part", "A Grave Breach" http://www.jamesmacomber.com)
To: jim macomber
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store." I don't know why, but I find this hilarious.
19
posted on
08/27/2004 8:37:08 AM PDT
by
KC_Conspirator
(This space outsourced to India)
To: jim macomber
My best one is "It was nearly midnight before we scraped Uncle Harry off the dining-room table."
20
posted on
08/27/2004 8:39:59 AM PDT
by
Xenalyte
(Gimme a dollar.)
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