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Kerry fooled them all! They thought he was just some average ensign but he was actually a secret agent. When they were sleeping Kerry was in his scuba gear secretly going ashore and finding out all the "secret" things. Kerry would swim to shore then unzip his wet suit revealing his tuxedo. Then jump into his Aston-Martin and race off to take care of things we just can't post on the Internet. At least not post and allow you to read about then live.

Ah, there are so many rumors about Kerry. For example, Kerry met Teresa Heinz a year before her husband John Heinz died in a airplane accident involving a helicopter. But was it an accident? There is a story about a tall "geeky" looking guy who was near the accident. Who was carrying a box with an antenna connected to it. The box was reported to have a big red button with the words "Press to make helicopter run into Heinz plane" on it. After the accident the tall fellow said something, possibly in French then left on a Harley with a surfboard strapped to it. Or maybe it was a snow board. Or some kind of windsurfing board. Anyway, where was Kerry the day Heinz died? Nobody seems to know. The witnesses chased the tall man but they were frightened when he started throwing things at them. What were those things? Purple hearts.

John Kerry, international man of mystery. Super spy. Another rumor was that Kerry was on the grassy knoll in Dallas. Did Kerry think there could only be one JFK? Who knows? It's all secret.

Yep, Kerry is a super duper spy. I shouldn't post this but it's only fair that the truth get out about Kerry.