ON A PORCH RAILING, SOMEWHERE IN TX--Opinionated feline pundit Mingus the Cat today spoke out about the meeting that recently took place between Secretary of State Colin Powell and his namesake, "Colin Powell," a copper-eyed Bombay cat born in Brookfield, Conn., on the first anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. The cat's owners, Sharyn and Sig Hauck, told the Associated Press, "We name all of our black cats after prominent African Americans."
Upon hearing of this, Mingus the Cat promptly felt that she herself had suffered from reverse discrimination due to the fact that there were no politicians named "Mingus."
The feline's concerns were not assuaged after being informed that a famous Jazz musician was named Charles Mingus. In fact, she was especially insulted to learn that in addition to his fame as a musician, Charles Mingus was famous for perfecting a regimen for training cats to use an actual human toilet.
"The fact that the only other famous figure named Mingus is some guy whose fame came from teaching cats such a filthy habit (humans don't even bury it) doesn't make me feel any better," she said.
"I feel that other cats--namely ME--deserve an equal opportunity, even if we're not black cats. Heck, I'm every color in the book, so I really represent the melting pot that is America."
Mingus also called on the political figure with whom she most identifies--Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld--to change his name to "Mingus Rumsfeld" in order to rectify the situation.
Defense Sec. Don Rumsfeld prepares to pounce on an assinine media question. Mingus feels she most closely identifies with Rumsfeld.
"Rummy is no-nonsense, independent-minded, and intolerant of silly requests, just like I am," she explained. She also cited his disdain for the Administration's doves, noting, "I don't find doves much of a worthy challenge where prey is concerned either."
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