Posted on 08/13/2004 4:55:26 AM PDT by WrightOnTarget
This is the time of year when men all across the country become giddy with anticipation, and this time it has nothing to do with the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. It's the season when men begin checking their remote controls for proper function, arrange a redundant backup plan in case of a systems failure in remote number one, kiss their wives good-bye, and do their part for the economy by bravely pushing Frito-Lay and Anheuser-Busch stock to new heights. It's a time when blood, sweat, and tears are shed, and yet we bravely move forward undaunted - mainly because it's not our blood, sweat, and tears. Praise be, it's almost football season!
At this moment, the stadiums are quiet-- emptier than Anna Nicole Smith's CAT scan photo. But soon there will be an eruption of humanity watching their heroes attempt to metaphorically prove how much better their town is than the rival town.
Obsessive football fans have already had the Hank Williams Jr. song, "Are you ready for some football" bouncing around inside their heads like musical Flubber since just after the Pro Bowl back in February. When football season ends, you can sense a distinct national depression among the male population. Some men jump straight into hockey season for an uninterrupted supplication of their sporting needs, but most go into a deep emotional hibernation-- a yearly slumber which this year is, thankfully, being facilitated by political conventions.
As football fans, we're also concentrating on putting last year behind us. We've wiped the slate clean. Your team didn't make the playoffs? Forget about it. That's the beauty of the sport. Every season starts anew, and hope springs eternal--at least until your team's first round draft pick dislocates a shoulder in training camp.
When I say "wipe the slate clean", I only hope that's true for my team, the Detroit Lions.
In years gone by, when the Lions heard, "Are you ready for some football?" They've collectively yelled back, "No!"
For the past few seasons, Lion victories are so rare that they're not referred to in Detroit as wins, but rather as solstices. The Lions last won championships back in the 50's, when the nation "liked Ike." Then, in 1975, when Tina Turner hated Ike, the team got a new domed stadium, and you know what? They continued to stink. After a brief playoff stint in the early 90's, the team was back to its old ways, but, despite that, got an impressive new home: The $300 million Ford Field. In their first season on the brand-spankin' new gridiron, the Lions won three games there. That's $100 million per victory. Show me any other city willing to make that kind of commitment to their team.
But it isn't the wins or losses that makes football great-okay, it is-- but it's also the atmosphere and feeling of brotherhood that comes with being a fan amongst fans. In the stadium, people from all walks of life (who could afford a $75 ticket and a couple of $9.50 beers), political beliefs and ethnic backgrounds come together and, alas, find that they have something in common: A desire to see the opposing quarterback treated like peanut brittle in Brian Dennehy's back pocket.
With the beginning of football season comes events and happenings that are purely American. Excluding British courts and blootered spring breakers in "Girls Gone Wild" videos, where else can you see people put on silly big wigs, paint their faces, expose their chests, and whatever else, and make complete fools of themselves on national television?
It's almost here. I can envision game day already. I can smell the ribs cooking on the barbecue, and see the people at a tailgate party consuming beer like there's no tomorrow--because there may not be if the field goal kicker's foot isn't strong and true. There's a man deep- frying a turkey in a gutted washing machine basin. I see a guy wearing a cheese hat, handing out Tostitos and letting people dig into the melting cheddar on his head. Another group nearby is bowling, using empty Heineken bottles as pins and knocking them down by rolling an empty pony keg at them. I look at my watch. It's only eight a.m. Still five hours to kickoff. Awesome.
Are you ready for some football? I am.
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Doug Powers' column on the day-to-day issues faced by men around the world appears regularly in MensNewsDaily.com, and his column of political observations can be read every Monday at WorldNetDaily.com. Doug's work has appeared in The Washington Times and numerous other newspapers and magazines around the country. He can be reached via his website .
FOOTBALL!
We've got two games on NFL Network today: Bears-Rams at 1 ET, and Chiefs-Giants tonight at 8P.
Then tomorrow evening it all kicks in.... [g]
54 games over the next three weeks.
I love the NFL Network!
Thank God for SEC football! May my Bulldogs and Rebs both make it a good year! And may Joe Gibbs bring the fire and the H back to the 'Skins!
Of course, there are those of us who ignore the NFL for college football. Where we can pretend it's not about the money.
Go Pats! 8-)
I would resemble that remark. Only three more weeks till Oregon St. goes to Baton Rouge...
Thank goodness for the NFL Sunday Ticket.
Nothing is cooler.
30 Days until kickoff.
I live in San Diego.
How are the San Diego Chargers and Billy Graham alike? They can both make 60,000 people leap to their feet and shout "JESUS CHRIST!"
How are the San Diego Chargers like opossums? They both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Where's the safest place to go if there's a tornado in San Diego? Qualcomm Stadium; we never get a touchdown there!
How do you keep a San Diego Charger out of your yard? Put up a goal post.
My football season is already miserable...
Thank you, Ricky Williams... you tank.
Hope springs eternal. Just think South Carolina in 1861. Or Germany in 1939. Or Philadelphia anytime.
This year, give up your Bud for another brand. Augie Busch IV is a big Kerry supporter and he doesn't need your bucks to help the Dems win.
Go Cowboys!
Amen! Rich Eisen can be a little much, but I love the flashback games, and the NFL Playbook.
I like the NFL pretty well. Go Falcons! But college football's championship system is a joke and college football seems overrated to me. College FB is a nice spectacle, but I think college basketball (men's) is by far the greatest college sport and my favorite sport of all. Especially in March. Only 62 more days until college basketball practice starts. I'm counting the days.
I am more than ready. I got my season tickets to the Jags, I am in 3 fantasy football leagues; Got NFL package, Jags are Inside Training Camp is on NFL Network. To top it off my youngest is a freshman at Florida now I can root for another college team besides my beloved Scarlet Knights.
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