Posted on 08/07/2004 11:11:39 AM PDT by BeAllYouCanBe
What is a Redneck-Sexual?
It seems that we are bombarded daily with the Kerry Campaign and the Metrosexual campaign he is waging for the heart of the UN lovers and other Europeans. For those of you still not aware a Metrosexual is a heterosexual that has all the good taste of Gay Man but the sexual preference for women. Picking John Edwards as his running mate confirmed that style was more important than substance for Kerry and Metrosexuality was the main plank in JFK’s campaign.
So I had to reflect on my own leaning toward Metrosexuality and conclude that I was in fact a Redneck-Sexual. My definition of a Redneck-Sexual is a man or woman who has the tastes of a country boy but is still sensitive enough to love their truck. The Redneck-Sexual is not judged on the choice of clothes and style but by his/her character. A Redneck-Sexual lives in the Red States mainly but there are ones in San Francisco and Vermont and even New York City! A Redneck-Sexual doesn’t boycott French products he has never liked them and doesn’t think wine of any kind is better than beer.
If a Redneck-Sexual has been in a war and won medals it isn’t talked about because mainly it means that if you got a medal someone saw you do something brave. You know as a Redneck-Sexual that the bravest acts you did were things nobody saw – but you came home alive and that’s all the family cared about. If you got a Purple Heart you had lots of pain and suffering and you don’t talk about that either – it is part of being an American Soldier/Sailor/Marine.
A Redneck-Sexual is not confused about their sexuality and their damn grateful for the plumbing that the good Lord gave them even though it don’t work as good as it once did. But Redneck-Sexuals are grateful for growing old and we don’t do Botox, tummy tucks and other such nonsense to try to fool anyone about our age.
When a Redneck-Sexual goes to a farm it isn’t important to let the farmer know they were once on a farm. A Redneck-Sexual knows that everyone works and we respect each others labor/job. One job is the same as another to a Redneck-Sexual it is how the family gets fed.
So that then leaves our truck and our love for it. Even though we love our truck with the five American flag bumper stickers and one that says, “America Love It OR Leave it”, we only use genuine GM Goodwrench parts. We still take time to make sure it stays tuned-up so we don’t use too much of that Mid-East oil but that is how a Redneck-Sexual is concerned about the environment and our truck!
So the question then begs to be asked, “Is George W. Bush a Redneck-Sexual?”
On the whole a pretty reasonable take, but you've probably managed to piss off a bunch of Ford and Dodge truck owners!
A: "Doggy style, so's we can both watch 'rasslin' !"
"She looks older than Teresa."
There is more plastic in Ter-rezz-a then in all my kitchen appliances combined.
Kentucky foreplay: "You awake sis?"
"bunch of Ford and Dodge truck owners"
The love of one's truck is the only preference choice that a Redneck-Sexual respects. So if when you get to be 21 and your daddy always had Fords and you want a Dodge Ram then that's OK.
The important thing is you have the right amount of love for your truck not the brand.
The President has a top of the line Ford pick-up, I think it's an F-350, on his ranch. I only have a Dodge Dakota. It's Bush's fault!! LOL!!
we only use genuine GM Goodwrench parts.
Those aren't going to work out to well on the Dodge Ram. :)
Was with you for a while but I'm out. You can have my merlot when I'm done straining it through my kidneys.
"Was with you for a while "
I mean you can drink Merlot or a Shirz but you just can't let anyone know about it -- it's just the code -- sorry.
"The President has a top of the line Ford"
Kerry's family owns an SUV that doesn't count.
There is not hierarchy in trucks PERIOD! One is as good as another even a Toyota it's the love for your truck that counts. SUV's don't count unless your a Metrosexual.
Having two babies at 47 and 50 years of age can definitely do that to you!
No, all my equipment is where it belongs, and it's exclusively for the ladies.
I stole the "male lesbian" line from some comedian. Robin Williams, if memory serves. "I'm a man trapped in a man's body" was another line from it.
Not where I live.
Top F-350. Next F-250. Then Chevys and F-150s.
And you could almost get beaten up for driving a Toyota pickup.
Hormone drugs make a woman put on a lot of weight.
I think it's within the code to drink homemade wines, like muscadine, peach, strawberry, and apple, as long as you use a disposable cup.
" beaten up for driving a Toyota pickup "
This would be a hate-crime would it not?
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