Alexandra Kerry: Dad Gave Hamster CPR

NewsMax .com ^ | 7/30/04 | Carl Limbacher

[kattracks]

Would-be first daughter Alexandra Kerry revealed Thursday night that her father's habit of saving men overboard didn't end with his Swift Boat rescue of fellow Vietnam veteran Jim Rassman.

In a bizarre recollection, Alexandra told the Democratic Convention crowd how the family waited dockside one summer day to embark on a trip, when the cage housing her sister's hamster "Licorice" tumbled into the drink. "My dad jumped in, grabbed an oar, fished the cage from the water, hunched over the soggy hamster and began to administer CPR," the Kerry daughter told the audience. "There are still to this day some reports of mouth-to-mouth, but I admit it's probably a trick of memory."

Actually, the textbook definition of CPR is mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, though what techniques may be appropriate for hamster rescue is anybody's guess.

Too bad Sen. Kerry didn't have his trusty 8mm camera along to reenact his hamster heroism for posterity.

[Toespi]

Somewhere I read that Kerry DID vote to ban partial-birth abortion for HAMSTERS.

[Critter]

[Lijahsbubbe]

You gave me an asthma attack, I laughed so hard

Don't apologize, whatever you do! ; )

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

Reminded me of a SCTV sketch where the director tried to give mouth to mouth to a woodchuck after John Candy ran over it.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Well, the sick news is this was the hamster Richard Gere gave his daughter as a gift.

I hope they washed it first.

[Critter]

Ya know, when your kid's pet is dying and your kid's heart is breaking, there's not much you won't do...

You should see the elaborate coffins that my daughter's gerbils are buried in. hehehe

[Chad Fairbanks]

What that was, was merely someone going through the motions for the sake of their children. Nothing more, nothing less.

What concerns me more is the fact that this girl, now an adult, still believes he was actually trying to do so.

Weird.

[hookman]

Presidential Candidate, John Dolittle Kerry!

[jws3sticks]

[Lijahsbubbe]

Are you serious? I just knew Gere was involved in this somehow.

Where hamsters go, Gere follows....

[kenth]

To quote null and void:

You've never been to San Fansisco, have you?...

[celtic gal]

It is true we do things for our kids and ourselves when a much loved pet passes away or is lost..but to make this a highlight in a speech...well it leaves Kerry open to some fun being poked at him. Vanessa's rendition of her conversation with her dad when she was unhappy about something when she was 19 was more impressive than CPR to a hamster...perhaps he should have taken time to explain why taking a little hamster on such an aquatic trip could endanger the little critter's health.

[The Scourge of Yazid]

Sorry for the following non-sequitor.

Your mention of SCTV prompted me to action.

You don't know who Ken Finkleman is? Then you're simply not Canadian enough. BE MORE CANADIAN DAMMIT!

-good times, G.J.P. (Jr.)

[null and void]

I gave mouth to muzzle resuscitation to a newborn puppy once.

Does this mean I can be President some day???

[ValerieUSA]

You're right. No real person takes a hamster for a boat ride.... unless they intend to drown it. What a ridiculous lie.

[GeronL]

YOU HOLD THE HAMSTER LIKE SO AND THEN....

[isthisnickcool]

Duh!

Kerry keeps making a big deal about being a vet.

He means veternarian!

Duh!

[WestVirginiaRebel]

Doesn't he already have the rat vote?

[wai-ming]

My dad...hunched over the soggy hamster and began to administer CPR.

Question:

Did the hampster live?

Can you imagine having a near-death experience, only to be revived to the sight of John Kerry breathing down your throat? That would be enough to give the poor animal a heart attack!