Put The Speakers In A Cage (Ann Coulter's Spiked Article)

anncoulter.com ^ | July 26. 2004 | Ann Coulter

[bimboeruption]

USA Today Put The Speakers In A Cage July 26, 2004

Here at the Spawn of Satan convention in Boston, conservatives are deploying a series of covert signals to identify one another, much like gay men do. My allies are the ones wearing crosses or American flags. The people sporting shirts emblazened with the "F-word" are my opponents. Also, as always, the pretty girls and cops are on my side, most of them barely able to conceal their eye-rolling.

Democrats are constantly suing and slandering police as violent, fascist racists -- with the exception of Boston's police, who'll be lauded as national heroes right up until the Democrats pack up and leave town on Friday, whereupon they'll revert to their natural state of being fascist, racist pigs.

A speaker at the Democratic National Convention this year, Al Sharpton, accused white police officers of raping and defacing Tawana Brawley in 1987, lunatic charges that eventually led to a defamation lawsuit against Sharpton and even more eventually, to Sharpton paying a jury award to the defamed plaintiff Steve Pagones. So its a real mystery why cops wouldn't like Democrats.

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As for the pretty girls, I can only guess that its because liberal boys never try to make a move on you without the UN Security Council's approval. Plus, its no fun riding around in those dinky little hybrid cars. My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons they call "women" at the Democratic National Convention.

Apparently, the nuts at the Democratic National Convention are going to be put in cages outside the convention hall. Sadly, they won't be fighting to the death as is done in W.W.F. caged matches. They're calling this the "protestor's area," although I suppose a better name would be the "truth-free zone".

I thought this was a great idea until I realized the nut category did not include Sharpton, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, and Teddy Kennedy -- all featured speakers at the convention. I'd say the actual policy is only untelegenic nuts get the cages, but little Dennis Kucinich is speaking at the Convention, too. So it must be cages for nuts who have not run for president as serious candidates for the Democratic Party.

Looking at the line-up of speakers at the Convention, I have developed the 7-11 challenge: I will quit making fun of, for example, Dennis Kucinich, if he can prove he can run a 7-11 properly for 8 hours. We'll even let him have an hour or so of preparation before we open up. Within 8 hours, the money will be gone, the store will be empty, and he'll be explaining how three 11-year olds came in and asked for the money and he gave it to them.

For 20 years, the Democrats wouldn't let Jimmy Carter within 100 miles of a Convention podium. The fact that Carter is now their most respectable speaker tells you where that party is today. Maybe they just want to remind Americans who got us into this Middle East mess in the first place. W've got millions of fanatical Muslims trying to slaughter Americans while shouting Allah Akbar! Yeah, let's turn the nation over to these guys.

With any luck, Gore will uncork his speech comparing Republicans to Nazis. Just a few weeks ago, Gore gave a speech accusing the Bush administration of deploying digital Brown Shirts to intimidate journalists and pressure the media into writing good things about Bush -- in case you were wondering where all those glowing articles about Bush were coming from.

The last former government official to slake his thirst so deeply with the kool-aid and become a far-left peacenik was Ramsey Clarke and it took him a few years to really blossom. Clinton must have done some number on Gore. Then again, with his yen for earth tones in a man's wardrobe, maybe Gore's references to "Brown Shirts" was intended as a compliment.

Only one major newspaper -- the Boston Herald -- reported Gore's Brown Shirt comment, though a Bush campaign spokesman's statement quoting the "Brown Shirt" line made it into the very last sentence of a Los Angeles Times article. The New York Times responded with an article criticizing both Republicans and Democrats for using Nazi imagery. Democrats call Republicans Nazis, the Republicans quote the Democrats calling Republicans Nazis and both are using Nazi imagery. (It's a cycle of violence!)

The nuts in the cages are virtual Bertrand Russells compared to the official speakers at the Democratic Convention. On the basis of their placards, I gather the caged-nut position is that they love the troops so much, they don't want them to get hurt defending America from terrorist attack. Support the troops, the signs say, bring them home.

That's my new position on all government workers, except the 5% who aren't useless, which is to say cops, prosecutors, firemen and U.S. servicemen. I love bureaucrats at the National Endowment of the Arts funding crucifixes submerged in urine so much -- I think they should go home. I love public school teachers punishing any mention of God and banning Christmas songs so much -- I think they should go home.

Walking back from the convention site I chatted with a normal Bostonian for several blocks -- who must have identified me through our covert system of signals. He was mostly bemused by the Democrats' primetime speakers and told me he used to be an independent, but for the last 20 years found himself voting mostly Republican. Then he corrected himself and said he votes for the American.

I'd say I love all these Democrats in Boston so much I want them to go home, but I don't. I want Americans to get a good long look at the French Party and keep the 7-11 challenge in mind.

[The Wizard]

indeed...Annie got her Guns On

[Cosmo]

For the life of me I can't see why USA Today wouldn't run this. Vintage Coulter.

[GSlob]

Somehow I do not remember reading about sharpton paying the damages to Pagones. There was a court judgment, right, but I do not remember reading about Pagones collecting. Maybe someone with better memory could enlighten me. Thanks.

[Tribune7]

Here is the column w/the USA Today's editor's comments. Tears fell from my eyes. Reading what this highly trained professional said was funnier than watching a clown walk into a lamppost.

[NavyCanDo]

You have just got to love Ann Coulter!

[sweetliberty]

"Here at the Spawn of Satan convention in Boston"

ROTFL! Ann nails it right out of the gate this time.

[Indie]

Gawd Ann...I LOVE YOU! Raw intelligence wrapped in raw beauty!!

[Indie]

reminds we too much of what the people like Morford and Chiat would write for the otherside.

Are you saying Ann lied?

[Skooz]

Bravo, Ann.

One of her best articles ever.

This masterwork has so many excellent pull quotes, I can't choose one or two.

[buckeyesrule]

Shove it!!!!!

[an amused spectator]

This one kind of left me flat and reminds we too much of what the people like Morford and Chiat would write for the otherside.

Yeah, but without all the transparent lies... ;-)

[an amused spectator]

After all, isn't this the type of Whoopie Goldburg far left rant that we all detest so much?

Exactly, but Ann left out all the lies and profanity. And single digit IQ "logic".

[an amused spectator]

USA Today is color-coded crap, the newspaper for the sheeple too lazy to read articles without glossy pictures and large fonts.

Oog! (slapping head) This is the BLUE section! I wanted to read the PURPLE section, but all the words and stuff confused me, and everything. You know.

[an amused spectator]

It hurts her credibility when she argues that Democrats are beyond the pale when they refer to Republicans as 'Nazis', after having just begun her article by calling Democrats 'spawn of satan'.

You're right. She's giving the maggots too much credit.

she is the right's version of Michael Moore: deliberately throwing out red meat to the fanatics on both sides, and willing to sacrifice reasoned discussion in order to prefer name-calling and hyperbole.

Personally, I'd beat Lumpy Riefenstahl with a dog cane. Once again, Ann forbears.

[TheyConvictedOglethorpe]

Michael Moore gets to write about the GOP convention for USA today but Ann Coulter is too radical?

Do you think Moore is actually going to write that column himself? I'm not sure the slob can read, let alone write.

On the other hand, literacy has never been a prerequisite to write for USA Today.

[an amused spectator]

Should this read 9/11 or is she talking about the local stores?

She's talking about the local stores, but I'd guess she's also doing a riff on Fartinhhype 911, Moore's vomit pile.

[an amused spectator]

'Democrat women are all unwashed, dirty hippies' is hardly even an original piece of invective.

You're right. I'm sure she meant 'Democrat women are all foulmouthed unwashed, dirty billionaire hippies'

[an amused spectator]

I think this article would have made a great vanity piece in FR, but for a mainstream publication the tone is completely wrong. Which is odd, because one of her points is that the Demos need to put a bright face on things and keep the extremist rhetoric toned down. So why submit a foaming-at-the-mouth "Democrats are unhygenic spawns of the devil" article to USA Today in the first place? The goal is to let the other side seem as if they are the ones who are letting blind hatred get in the way of rational thought.

Blind hatred presupposes the complete absent of rational thought, which does NOT apply to ANY of Ann Coulter's works.

I liked the one where the USGayToday "editor" (for lack of a better word) exhibited his keen insight and deep knowledge by failing to comprehend that the 7-11 challenge failure by Kucinich was an example of the old phrase "giving away the store".

Of course, that might be a piece of literature more advanced than the eighth grade level of literacy required for a "journalism" degree these days...

[an amused spectator]

Bare it.

I think he already did, in post #8. Or maybe that's what he was talking out of... ;-)