John Kerry lances a French Fry.
Kerry replaces the battery in the brain-controlling implant from Ho Chi Minh; one of his servants will actually re-implant it in his ear.
Veteran John Kerry waits for the paint to dry on of his
spare "ribbons/medals".
Young John Kerry tries to eat his last potato chip, without eating it, too.
He picks his nose right before he doesn't pick it!