Posted on 07/18/2004 11:39:14 AM PDT by dennisw
July 18, 2004 LIVES When One Is Enough By AMY RICHARDS as told to AMY BARRETT
I grew up in a working-class family in Pennsylvania not knowing my father. I have never missed not having him. I firmly believe that, but for much of my life I felt that what I probably would have gained was economic security and with that societal security. Growing up with a single mother, I was always buying into the myth that I was going to be seduced in the back of a pickup truck and become pregnant when I was 16. I had friends when I was in school who were helping to rear nieces and nephews, because their siblings, who were not much older, were having babies. I had friends from all over the class spectrum: I saw the nieces and nephews on the one hand and country-club memberships and station wagons on the other. I felt I was in the middle. I had this fear: What would it take for me to just slip?
Now I'm 34. My boyfriend, Peter, and I have been together three years. I'm old enough to presume that I wasn't going to have an easy time becoming pregnant. I was tired of being on the pill, because it made me moody. Before I went off it, Peter and I talked about what would happen if I became pregnant, and we both agreed that we would have the child.
I found out I was having triplets when I went to my obstetrician. The doctor had just finished telling me I was going to have a low-risk pregnancy. She turned on the sonogram machine. There was a long pause, then she said, ''Are you sure you didn't take fertility drugs?'' I said, ''I'm positive.'' Peter and I were very shocked when she said there were three. ''You know, this changes everything,'' she said. ''You'll have to see a specialist.''
My immediate response was, I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?
I looked at Peter and asked the doctor: ''Is it possible to get rid of one of them? Or two of them?'' The obstetrician wasn't an expert in selective reduction, but she knew that with a shot of potassium chloride you could eliminate one or more.
Having felt physically fine up to this point, I got on the subway afterward, and all of a sudden, I felt ill. I didn't want to eat anything. What I was going through seemed like a very unnatural experience. On the subway, Peter asked, ''Shouldn't we consider having triplets?'' And I had this adverse reaction: ''This is why they say it's the woman's choice, because you think I could just carry triplets. That's easy for you to say, but I'd have to give up my life.'' Not only would I have to be on bed rest at 20 weeks, I wouldn't be able to fly after 15. I was already at eight weeks. When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It's not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I'm going to have to move to Staten Island. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. Even in my moments of thinking about having three, I don't think that deep down I was ever considering it.
The specialist called me back at 10 p.m. I had just finished watching a Boston Pops concert at Symphony Hall. As everybody burst into applause, I watched my cellphone vibrating, grabbed it and ran into the lobby. He told me that he does a detailed sonogram before doing a selective reduction to see if one fetus appears to be struggling. The procedure involves a shot of potassium chloride to the heart of the fetus. There are a lot more complications when a woman carries multiples. And so, from the doctor's perspective, it's a matter of trying to save the woman this trauma. After I talked to the specialist, I told Peter, ''That's what I'm going to do.'' He replied, ''What we're going to do.'' He respected what I was going through, but at a certain point, he felt that this was a decision we were making. I agreed.
When we saw the specialist, we found out that I was carrying identical twins and a stand alone. My doctors thought the stand alone was three days older. There was something psychologically comforting about that, since I wanted to have just one. Before the procedure, I was focused on relaxing. But Peter was staring at the sonogram screen thinking: Oh, my gosh, there are three heartbeats. I can't believe we're about to make two disappear. The doctor came in, and then Peter was asked to leave. I said, ''Can Peter stay?'' The doctor said no. I know Peter was offended by that.
Two days after the procedure, smells no longer set me off and I no longer wanted to eat nothing but sour-apple gum. I went on to have a pretty seamless pregnancy. But I had a recurring feeling that this was going to come back and haunt me. Was I going to have a stillbirth or miscarry late in my pregnancy?
I had a boy, and everything is fine. But thinking about becoming pregnant again is terrifying. Am I going to have quintuplets? I would do the same thing if I had triplets again, but if I had twins, I would probably have twins. Then again, I don't know.
Now that another poster has identified Ms. Richards as a bit of a feminist icon (after all, she's on the campus lecture circuit, one of the ultimate badges of liberalism), it's possible the Times thought that her "star power" might somehow be persuasive.
This kind of thinking only makes sense when you spend too much time holed up in a newsroom in mid-town Manhattan (in the case of Ms. Barrett, the reporter) and too much time lecturing to naive 18-21 year-old Women's Studies majors (in the case of Ms. Richards).
It's likely The Times will soon realize its mistake, and the article will mysteriously diappear from their web site. This is just one more reason why FR IMHO has the constitutional right to post full articles, so when the Times a few years from now says "article about aborting 2 of 3 triplets? What are you talking about?" we'll have the historical record preserved.
Oh brother...you know, it's a reasonable question. You don't have to go to hyperbolic extremes. Just say no: You can't bring yourself to give him credit for not demanding his pregnant girlfriend have an abortion. You can't give him credit for wanting the children and saying so to his hell-bent-on-aborting-feminist girlfriend.
I got it.
The Caananite god MOLECH
The only legitimate way you can be in favor of abortion is to believe that it is not ending a life. If you can somehow convince yourself that a fetus isn't a human being, then yes, you can have an abortion for whatever reason you want to. But if you think it's human, then it's murder, even if you didn't want triplets.
Under your line of reasoning, it would be perfectly ok for her to kill the babies when they were five days old. Suppose this woman had been poor, and she hadn't gotten a sonogram. Then she had triplets. Would it be ok then to kill thes babies?
I had a boy, and everything is fine. But thinking about becoming pregnant again is terrifying. Am I going to have quintuplets? I would do the same thing if I had triplets again, but if I had twins, I would probably have twins. Then again, I don't know.
I assume he is still cohabitating with the mother his only child lucky enough to escape the carnage. I wonder what his outlook will be the next time she decides to murder a baby?
This is a joke, right? I mean, she can't be serious about this.
For you non New Yorkers out there - this is so self parodying that it would qualify as a troll if the author wasn't serious. She's basically saying that she can't bear the thought of living in a neighborhood where the only thing wrong with it is that uncool people like cops, teachers and firefighters live there.
And heaven forbid she shop at, gasp, COSTCO. I mean, only uncool people with big families like southwest asian immigrants and Upper East Side WASPs shop there...
Huh?
Yep...it reads like a parody only it's true. What was it Mark Twain said once, something like, "Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense."
What a twisted evil world we live in.
" 4.12.04: Webber, my nine month old son, has two choices of what to wear to the March. One, a little yellow t-shirt stating Reproductive Rights Are Human Rights, is a hand-me-down from Peggy Kerry, a super political organizer in New York, who also happens to work at the US Mission to the UN and be the sister of presidential candidate John Kerry. This belonged to her daughter Iris, who long ago outgrew the toddler sized t-shirt, and was purchased from the Center for Reproductive Rights. The second option is a onesie from Planned Parenthood that says Parenthood. Plan it, which was a gift to Webber from Gloria Feldt, the organizations president."
Good points about the NYT's ignorant motivations.
Here is an "Ask Amy" response to a letter from a young girl who is troubled by the fact that early feminists were anti-abortion (her response shows a person in DEEP denial who has to rewrite history to give an answer):
Link:
http://www.feminist.com/askamy/repro/801_rr1.html
Dear Amy,
Girl, I'm so freaked out about an article in my local paper. I don't know where to even begin with some kind of rebuttal. Here's the article:
"É Prospect and Connecticut women are buying a historic collection of suffragette artifacts to display. Not only did the courageous suffragettes help us as women to achieve the right to vote, but many of them also spoke out against the violence of abortion and its damage to women.
Dr. Charlotte Denman Lozier (1844-1870) was praised in her time for defending a young, pregnant woman, Catherine Fuller, and her pre-born child against abortion. Not only did she counsel her against this course of action but she also compassionately offered her services to help Fuller bear the child. Alice Paul, original author of the Egual Rights Amendment ERA, once said, "Abortion is the ultimate exploitation of women." Elizabeth Cady Stanton (1815-1902) stated that abortion is "murder" and called for a "remedy for such a crying evil." Susan B. Anthony (1820-1906) wrote an essay in her publication The Revolution about the "horrible crimes of child murder." Anthony was addressing the subject when she wrote, "We want prevention, not merely punishment. We must reach the root of the evil and destroy it." She spoke of the burden on the conscience of the woman who aborts her child.
Regarding men, Anthony reprimanded them, saying that they should be taught to respect women and be honestly devoted to their wives. Her article on "Marriage and Maternity" is a powerful one! It is a delight to read Susan B. Anthony's words: "Sweeter even than to have had the joy of caring for children of my own has it been to me to help bring about a better state of things for mothers generally, so their unborn little ones could not be willed away from them" There are many other pro-life feminists. I encourage readers to visit our office Resource Center for more information on pro-life feminism-yesterday and today."
Amy, what do I say??? Also is what she said about our foremothers true? Did they really say those things about abortion??? I know what to say about the anti-choice feminism from Manifesta (great book) about how feminism is equality and taking away a women's right to choice is not being equal whether you agree or not. But what else can I say!!! Help!
Thank you so much,
Erin
Dear Erin,
I have recently received a few others notes just like yours. There is this semi-new group, Feminists for Life, and they tout Susan B. Anthony as their hero. My guess is that this group has been making a splash in the media and thus creating a buzz about feminist hypocrisy. Ugh! I think it's impossible to apply their quotes from yesterday today - especially in regards to an issue that was at an entirely different stage. As I understand it, Susan B. Anthony and other suffragists did oppose abortion, but on the grounds that it was unsafe to the women and that it was being forced on them - something that feminists today would oppose, too. Our goal isn't to force women to have abortions, but to leave it as an option should women want it. And when women do want it to ensure that it's a safe procedure.
I hope that helps and thanks for challenging this rhetoric.
Amy
Eichmann developed the Final Solution and presented it to Hitler. I was using this to reference the absurdity of exonerating a man who stands by while his girlfriend has an abortion.
What a difference, for most women the best part of our lives start when we become pregnant. I was also bed ridden for 7 months with my last child...7 months is all that was asked of me for the most wonderful gift that is given to us humans. What a horrible POS this woman became.
Wow! Even more distortion in her deluded mind!
Kerry has a 100% record of voting for whatever the abortion advocates wanted.
Eichmann developed the logistics, the idea itself (the notion that there needed to be a final solution to the 'jewish question') was Hitler's.
I understand your point though.
Thanks for the ping!
You assume much. Insisting on bludgeoning the one half-way protagonist in this story is a strange way to react to it.
If it's so absurd, then why don't you say what it is you think he should have done to stop this leftist freak of a woman from killing the babies he said he wanted? Physically restrain her? What?
Then please - explain it to me. What should this man have done to stop this abortion? He wanted the babies, and she (an obviously determined, unrepentant individual) didn't. How could he have stopped her?
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