It's almost as if being a gigolo is a bad thing

Boston Herald ^ | Howie Carr

[Jenya]

It's almost as if being a gigolo is a bad thing By Howie Carr

I went on C-SPAN for an hour Friday morning and learned two lessons.

Number one, there are no real John Kerry supporters, only George Bush haters.

Number two, if you really want to reduce the haters to frothing incontinence, call Liveshot a ``gigolo.''

Here's what happened. I'm on with Brian Lamb on ``Washington Journal,'' and about 20 minutes in, someone shoots him an e-mail asking him if the guest, namely me, has anything positive to say about John Kerry.

I consider for a moment and then respond in all sincerity with the most positive thing I can think of:

``John Kerry is, I think, the most successful gigolo in the United States.''

Oh sure, some might mention Kevin Federline, the squirrely ``dancer'' who dumped his pregnant girlfriend to become the ``fiance'' of Britney Spears. Big whoop - Britney's worth $100 million, tops. That's chump change by Teresa Heinz standards.

Anyway, Brian Lamb listened to my brilliant response and said, ``Why don't you give out your e-mail address, Howie?''

A lot of people did like the gigolo line, mostly retired bird colonels and the occasional viewer from Texas. But about three-quarters of the e-mailers were irate, and what surprised me was the upfront anti-Semitism of some of these Kerry voters.

Gail W., Palm Springs: ``Please explain why Jews are so keen to elect Bush? Sorry Howie, your conservative front is really, admit it, a platform to keep the dollars rolling into Israel.''

Mench/242: ``Carr, you are, like Kristolnacht & Wolfoweasel, an agent for the Likud party; essentially a traitor.''

Who are these nice liberal folks going to vote for when they find out that John Kerry's grandfather was named Kohn, and that his brother Cam has converted to Judaism?

But since Paul Wolfoweasel wasn't available for a pogrom, they took out their bile on me. God, do they not like hearing how Kerry's filthy-rich lifestyle belies his phony populist rhetoric.

Barbara, Key West: ``So what if he has an $8K bike, he can afford it.''

Actually, Barbara, it was his second wife's first husband's trust fund that could afford to buy him the $8,000 Serotta bike.

Chet: ``Fathead, Kerry married a woman who got her money from her husband who got his money from ketchup. You get your money from talking (expletive) on the radio. Kerry is the clever one and you'd like to go windsurfing, ride a bike or go to the ski resort but unfortunately you are stuck with headphones wrapped around your fat head.''

At C-SPAN, they have separate phone lines for Bush and anti-Bush callers. But it appears that most of the GOP audience has drifted away to Fox. Let's face it, Brian Lamb is a fine fellow, but E.D. Hill is a lot easier on the eyes.

So here's how the C-SPAN phone lines work. First some rabid SSI recipient calls up on the anti-Bush line and bashes Dubya. Then, from the Bush line, a Section 8 layabout chimes in, claiming he voted for Bush in 2000 but on A&E they said the draft-dodging no-good boozehound Jew-lover used to have empty beer cans in his apartment. . . .

And if you roll your eyeballs, you get an e-mail from someone named Beverly Kirsch on the subject of ``Your Un-American Rude Comments.''

``I never thought I would find someone more despicable than Rush Limbaugh, but here you are.''

When can I come back on, Brian? This could be good for my career.

( Howie Carr's radio show can be heard weekday afternoons on WRKO AM 680, WHYN AM 560, WGAN AM 560, WEIM AM 1280, and WXTK 95.1 FM. )

[NYpeanut]

Oh.