The MAster Surgeon

[SandRat]

Thre New Hampshire surgeons were having lunch together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon around. A concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and 8 months later, he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in a terrible accident. I reattached them, and 2 years later, he won 2 Gold Medals in field events in the Olympic."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a guy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a hose head-on into a train that was traveling 80 miles and hour. All I had to work with was the horse's ass and a necktie.

He's now the Democratic Nominee for President of the United States."

[U S Army EOD]

But he was already that before he hit the train.

[Diogenesis]

The fourth surgeon said, "I remember when two terrorists
came to my office surrepticiously last year.
I amputated all their limbs, and now they don't have a leg to stand on."

[red-dawg]

The other two surgeons replied "But your patient was easy, he only has 2 parts. The mouth and the a$$hole and they are interchangeable."

[Lady Jag]

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. 'We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."