Even my best friend (a liberal) ended up saying something that gave me my nickname for Kerry: Smashed-in-face Boy. She said, "His face looks like it was hit by a truck!"
That is a good reason to call the two Johns (before we flush them) 'Beauty and the Beast". Both their voices are very hard to listen to,one sounds like a pompous snob trying to do Shakespeare,the other sounds like a slick redneck trying to sell you an Edsel pickup truck with a bad transmission.