Posted on 06/28/2004 12:30:55 PM PDT by dead
BATTLE CREEK, Michigan - Frustrated that the buffet at a party celebrating his movie ran out of food, documentary director Michael Moore took the unusual step of eating himself today.
Astronomers confirmed the bizarre story, noting the presence of the first black hole near the surface of planet earth. Cambridge scientist Stephen Hawking discussed the surprising development, while being beaten by his wife.
“He seems. (Ow!) To have. (Quit it!) Collapsed. In. Upon. (Ow!) Himself. Through self. Digestion. (Ow!) He has. (Ow!) Become a. (Stop it!) Singularity. ”
In a tragic side note, former Vice-President Al Gore was speaking slowly and deliberately with Mr. Moore at the moment his gravitational forces overwhelmed his pressure gradients. This event trapped the one-time presidential candidate in a geosynchronous orbit around the infinitely dense documentarian. Mr. Gore is said to be moving at approximately 60,000 miles per hour, completing over 4,000 revolutions of the black hole per second, while still managing to remain boring.
The news of the gravitational demise of Mr. Moore was greeted with mixed reactions by the nation’s leading politicians.
Upon hearing the news, Democratic Presidential Candidate, John Kerry commented sadly, “I served in Vietnam.”
His wife, Teresa Yogi Bera Simoes-Ferreira Zsa Zsa Gabor al Zarqawi Kerry, was more effusive in her grieving, “Is so sad! A man so rich died before either John or I could marry him. I wish I was a dog.”
President Bush did not apparently share the Kerrys’ pain over the news. “I’m sure not going to miss that major league a##hole,” he commented. “How about you, Dick?”
“No f#*king way!” laughed Vice-President Cheney.
Battle Creek?
Moore should pull his bottom lip over his head and swallow.
Amusing ping.
Michael Moore was born infinitely dense.
I just picked a place associated with food.
Ping, y'all!
Hilarious!
Owl, we've been one-upped...dead's making up his own news stories instead of just adding an insider account of dubious credibility...
Send it to The Onion!
I can't believe I didn't think of that.
"Get in my belly!!!!!"
Funniest thing I've seen in ages!!! Thanks for the belly laugh!
Perhaps I should have run this by you, but I'm pretty sure my science is sound here.
"On a sad note, Pizza the Hutt (famed half-man, half-pizza) was found dead earler today in the back seat of his stretched limo. Evidently, the notorious gangster became locked in his car and ATE himself to DEATH!
Coming up... Pongo's review of Rocky Five... Thousand. Pongo...?"
Countably infinite or uncountably infinite?
LOL! Good one!
Uh-oh.
All's I gots to say is thank God no one got hurt.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.