Posted on 06/20/2004 8:09:16 PM PDT by Darlin'
If the former president's autobiography really told all ...
Sunday, June 20, 2004
You'd think with a memoir at 957 pages, Bill Clinton would have included every last detail from Monica on down of his eight wacky years as president.
Nope.
There was plenty of juicy stuff he left out. But instead of being lost to history forever, the edited portions and discarded notes were rescued by PDQ staffers who just happened to be hanging out in Clinton's dumpster.
If you're gullible enough to believe that, you're certainly gullible enough to believe these, the lost passages and notes from William Jefferson Clinton's "My Life":
I loved taking jogs around the mall in the mornings. Stopped traffic every time. Secret Service says it was because I was president. I think it was because I had the hottest jogging shorts around.
Remember when that kid on MTV asked, "Boxers or briefs?" I said I preferred briefs, but in actuality, I was waiting for a third choice: commando.
I just realized that I've been writing for 10 whole minutes without a McDonald's break. Back in a jiff.
We celebrated Arbor Day one day with a group of school kids and planted a tree on the south lawn. Took Al Gore two hours to dig himself up.
Some people say I should have never come up with that "don't ask, don't tell" policy for the military. And they're right. "Don't ask, don't tell" should have been the policy between me and Hillary.
I believe I now need to mention that Tony Blair's wife is cookin' with gas.
I balanced the budget for the first time in three decades, pushed unemployment and inflation to their lowest levels in memory, boosted the economy and stock market, lowered crime rates and reformed welfare. Why, then, does everybody still laugh when I bring up my legacy?
I have been unfairly labeled as a cheater on the golf course. Can I help it if my best club is the foot wedge?
March 14, 1996: Today, Socks had a hairball that looked just like Janet Reno. I'm keepin' it.
As I told Al, the only Dole that's getting in the White House is the pineapple slices on my Christmas ham. We sure laughed about that.
I'm asked all the time if I now address my wife as "senator." The answer is no; I still call her "president."
Chelsea's been hanging out with Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna. I love my little girl; it's really time to pay her a visit.
Yes, I signed NAFTA, but I had my fingers crossed.
September 26, 1994: The Republicans killed health-care reform! Well, I guess I'm just going to have to kill something, too . . . perhaps the sanctity of the Oval Office.
Hillary is still upset. Today she asked me how many interns it would take to "cure" me. I told her she'd already answered that question: "It takes a village."
Remember that "Contract with America"? Neither do I. (Heh-heh.)
After I apologized for asking her to resign as surgeon general, Dr. Joycelyn Elders sent me a nice letter. She was very touching.
Hillary baked all those cookies to prove a point, and I didn't even get one. What do you have to do around here to get a cookie?
Hillary's testifying about Whitewater today. Must remember to tell her to wear something low-cut.
Even though Tipper hates rock she still rocks, if you know what I mean.
I guess I should be upset about the Starr Report. But I must say it's some mighty hot reading!
I'm sure what Paula Jones meant by those "distinguishing characteristics" was my personality, charm, wit, good looks . . .
Yitzhak and Yasser are here today, and boy, they are ready to party. We're hitting a couple strip joints tonight; we all shake hands on the deal.
Heard that "Thong Song." Hilarious!
Stephanopoulos was named one of People magazine's "100 Most Eligible Bachelors." Now that they mention it . . .
© 2004 The Plain Dealer. Used with permission.
Very funny!! I especially liked the "it takes a village" comment, and the one about planting a tree, and how long it took Al to dig himself out!
Anyone see that pic today of the serial rapists face when that guy interviewing him asked him too many questions about Monica-gate? His face turned beet red, his jaw was clenched and he looked like a stick of dynamite ready to explode. I was saying to myself, "Boys and girls, this is why we have an 8 year term limit...Even though the American people were stupid enough to elect this bonafide sociopath into office twice, this term limit guarantees the people ultimately remain safe above all else" If this sociopath was still in power, this interviewer would either be laying in a morgue with a "suicide" tag on him or be talking to his lawyer about his upcoming IRS audit.
What's missing from Clinton's 'Life'?
That's easy: The Truth.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=AJPFS30GLUZXFQFIQMFCM5OAVCBQYJVC?xml=/news/2004/06/20/nclin20.xml&sSheet=/news/2004/06/20/ixnewstop.html&secureRefresh=true&_requestid=17491
No, but I read an article about it earlier here on FR. IIRC, it was a BBC interview, would have loved seeing it.
Glad you enjoyed it. I'm glad to see it was printed in an Ohio paper.
True that !
He wasn't impeached because of "sex"; he was impeached for issues that led to the Monica issue.
His minions screeched, in his defense, that he didn't really perjure himself or any other of that droll legalistic stuff....the Republicans were only after him because IT'S JUST ALL ABOUT SEX....That became Clinton's defense and rallying cry: "It's just all about sex".
Little did his defenders know that it was THEIR words that have indeed stuck, and his "legacy" is quite secure. "It's all about sex" is all that is sticking anymore, and I hope it irks his guts as he hits his deathbed.
Yep. He and his flunkies defined it in the short term but history will view those 8 years differently. In about one or two more generations his legacy will be a big, fat ZERO. He'll join the ranks of former oval office occupants that no one remembers like, Millard Fillmore, James Garfield, Chester Arthur. Bill Clinton ? Oh, yeah, wasn't he impeached or sumpin ?
My favorite was the "pineapple slices".
The truth?
The strangest thing is, I'd be willing to bet you that he would be the life of the party if he just happened to stumble in.
Absolutely !
Maybe in a remake of Animal House but most people dread getting cornered by a narcisstic, horndog at grown up parties.
How dare this man upset King William Jefferson Clinton! (Hey when you`re above the law you`re a King) Isn`t it amazing that he has no problem cashing in on Monica-gate, but how dare anyone ask him about it when he goes on interviews. Maybe he was expecting questions about the weather?
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