Fritz.....Chris Kattan
Hans.....Dana Carvey
Franz.....Kevin Nealon
Producer.....Will Ferrell
.....Arnold Schwarzenegger
Announcer: And now, it's time for the number one show for bodybuilders, Pumping Up With Fritz. Here's your host, Fritz!
(Fritz enters)
Fritz: (whining) Hello everyone. I'm Fritz and I want to build you up because you are weak and tiny. First, let's start with some push-ups.
(gets in positions and starts doing push-ups painfully)
Fritz: Oww...1...Ouch...2...That hurts...3
Producer: (interrupting Fritz in his push-ups) Stop it Fritz. Just stop it. You're so weak how can you host a training program?
Fritz: I'm doing my best.
Producer: Well that's WAY below our demands. I'm sorry but you're fired.
Fritz: (crying) I FAILED!!!
Producer: Oh, please, shut up! We already found your successors. They're from Austria and are bodybuilding since 1987 so they ought to be good.
Off-Camera Voice: (with an heavy German accent) Ya! Hear me now and believe me later, Fritz! We have much more pump-tential that you do, lamer!
(Hans enters)
Hans: That's right, 'cuz I'm Hans...
(Franz enters)
Franz: And I'm Franz...
Together: And we want to pump (clap hands) you up!
Hans: Now get outta here, girly man! (throws Fritz off-stage)
Franz: Ahh...finally reunited after all these years. It's great to be back to pump up flabby little girly men like we did before.
Hans: Ya. I hope the pump-a-tude is better today than it was back in the 80's. 'Cuz it was really crappy.
Franz: Ya. It truly sucked donkey ass.
Hans: You bet, Franz. Hey everybody you know what? We thought for our mega comeback we should invite our famous cousin.
Franz: Ya, you know him. He starred in many movies like "Terminator", "Total Recall" and "Jingle All The Way".
Hans: This last one was pretty bad, wasn't it?
Franz: Ya. So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...
Together: ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!
(Arnold Schwarzenneger enters)
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Thank you, Hans (shakes hands). Thank you, Franz (shakes hands). I'm so happy to see you again, dear cousins.
Hans: So do we, Arnie. Now, how about we tell them what the average girly man looks like?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Of course!
Franz: Hey! Bring that moron back here!
(Fritz is thrown back on stage)
Fritz: (scared) Wha...What do you want from me?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Don't be afraid, we're not gonna hurt you. We'll just show people how flabby you are.
Hans: That's right. Now, look at this toothpick everyone. No muscles. Not even a speck of pump!
Franz: Pathetic bone-head! You dare to host a bodybuilding program without any muscle? What do we say to this girly man cousins?
Hans, Franz and Arnold: Poor little girly man, lone in his girly house!
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Well, Fritz. Here's a treat for your girlfriend, if you have one.
(all three show off their body to Fritz)
Fritz: I can't stand any more of this humiliation. Farewell! (runs away crying)
Franz: Right, and don't even try to come back, un-pumped coward!
Hans: Ya! Well that's all the time we had for today.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: We'll see you next week.
Franz: Ya! We'll be here to...
Together: Pump (clap hands) you up!
Hans: Oh, one last thing...
Together: Live from New York, it's Saturday (clap hands) Night!
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