Reminds me of the one about the big black bear who walked into a bar in Bergin County, New Jersey and said,"Bartender, give me a beer." "I'm sorry," the bartender replied, "but we don't serve beer to big black bears at bars in Bergin County, New Jersey." The bear angrily responded, "Bartender, give me a damn beer right now or there is going to be trouble." The Bartender calmly answered, "I'm sorry, but we certainly don't serve beer to big black belligerent bears at bars in Bergin County, New Jersey." Now the bear is really pissed and yells at the bartender, "Give me a freakin beer right now you good for nothing loser or I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender shook his head and firmly said, "I'm sorry sir, but we most certainly do not serve beer to big black belligerent bellicose bears at bars in Bergin County, New Jersey." So the bear gets up off the stool walks to the end of the bar, takes one swipe at the lady and kills her and eats her. "Now will you serve me a beer?" "Absolutely not," replied the bartender, "We don't serve beer to big black belligerent, bellicose bears in Bergin County, New Jersey, who are on drugs." "What are you talking about," asked the bear, "I'm not on drugs." "Yes you are," the bartender replied, "That was a barbiturate."
A duck walks into a bar.
"Got any grapes?" he asks the bartender.
"Nope."
So the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck comes back.
"Got any grapes?" he asks.
"Nope," says the bartender.
The next day....the duck comes back again.
"Got any grapes?"
"Look, duck," says the bartender, "I didn't have any grapes yesterday, I don't have any today, and I'm not going to have any tomorrow. And if you come back here asking for grapes again, I'm gonna nail your feet to the bar."
The duck leaves....
The next day, the duck comes back.
He walks up to the bartender.
"Got any nails?"
"Nope."
"Got any grapes?"