[Xenalyte]

Purchase a large steak. Cook it so that your dog knows it is for you. Wait until the dog departs the room. Drop steak on ground. Then say, "Damn, there goes my steak. Sigh, I sure hate throwing out all this meat." If your canine doesn't appear within 3 seconds, he's illiterate. If he appears between .5 and 3 seconds, he's literate. If he appears in under one second, he's literate and precognitive. If your steak never actually hits the floor, your dog is a Republican.

Yo Bacon, remind me to pick us up an extra steak this weekend. We gotta try this.

[Bacon Man]

Yo Bacon, remind me to pick us up an extra steak this weekend. We gotta try this.

I think Salty will have to fight Bit for it and I think he'll lose. That fat pig of a cat has twice stolen the bacon out of my burger! Both times the burger was left unattended only for a few seconds. Now I take the burger with me.