Posted on 05/31/2004 3:15:04 PM PDT by wagglebee
Editor's note: Michael Ackley's columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.
More than a coincidence?
Thanks to C-Span, many Americans were able to see the whole of President Bush's speech on Iraq last week. Then they were able to hear comments from other viewers, as the public affairs station provided separate numbers for pro-Bush and anti-Bush callers. It went something like this:
First anti-Bush caller: "I'm appalled ..."
Second anti-Bush caller: "I'm appalled ..."
Third anti-Bush caller: "I'm appalled ..."
Later, the networks sought comment from Bill Clinton's secretary of state, Madeleine Albright.
Ms. Albright began: "I'm appalled ..."
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Does anybody outside Oklahoma City remember the Oklahoma City bombing? The 160 killed? The image of the firefighter carrying the slain toddler from the childcare center?
Whereas the trial of Timothy McVeigh received wall-to-wall coverage from the news media, the trial of Terry Nichols is receiving scant attention. Often the daily developments are ignored by the print media and they almost always are ignored by the electronic media. When there is print coverage, you're likely to find it in a two-paragraph brief.
Is the political sniping between the Democrats and Republicans really so much more interesting? Is it really more important? Do the mainstream media really believe all questions about the bombing have been resolved? Or are the media merely asleep at the switch?
Anyway, we have a suggestion for the prosecution: When this killer is convicted, cut a deal with him – a life sentence in exchange for spilling all he knows about others involved in the bomb plot.
Call me a conspiracy nut, but if you believe Nichols and McVeigh thought up and committed the Murrah Building atrocity by themselves, perhaps you'd be interested in buying a genuine Rolex from a street vendor I know, at a bargain price.
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Some years ago, California voters passed a ballot measure giving protected status to a non-endangered species, the mountain lion.
Now these beautiful creatures are all over the state, doing what lions do: They eat other beautiful, warm-blooded creatures, including the occasional human. For example, one killed and partially consumed a healthy, young male triathlete last year.
This has called the big-cat lovers to modify the claim that these kitty cats never attack humans by the insertion of the modifier "almost."
There is plenty of natural food – deer, ground squirrels, porcupines, raccoons – in California's wild mountains and foothills, so cougars have been doing that other thing lions do: They're reproducing, and the pressure of their growing numbers has them wandering into the San Francisco Bay Area, which – some of you may not realize – has plenty of wild land. Reports of mountain lions in the hills and forests that surround the megalopolis are becoming more frequent.
One of them wandered down into a Palo Alto neighborhood where a dog, playing in the yard with a couple of little kids, began growling at it. Fortunately, the big cat climbed a tree, where a police officer potted it with an M-16.
The cat lovers' reaction: "The police overreacted – as usual." (That's a real quote.)
We contacted Howard Bashford of the Mountain Lion Foundation for comment.
"As the human population grows," he said, "there is bound to be more contact between people and lions. You have to recognize that we're encroaching on their habitat."
"Yes," we agreed, "but this cat was deep in the city. Wasn't it reasonable to shoot it rather than risk injury to children or other people?"
"You have to remember," he replied blandly, "what is now urban used to be mountain lion habitat."
Somewhat exasperated, we said, "Just how much of California do you think should be set aside as mountain lion habitat? After all, at one time it was all mountain lion habitat."
This galvanized the cougar advocate.
"By golly!" he exclaimed. "You've got something there!"
"By golly!" he exclaimed. "You've got something there!"
Later to have been flogged with faux leather cat o' nine tails his PETA membership revoked for not following the script.
I always find it fascinating when these animal protectionists complain about the encroachment into the animals' territory, but never mention the fact that these creatures no longer have predators, animal OR human. Therefore they overbreed, therefore they need a bigger habitat.
Nice article. I like this guy's sense of humor.
I figure if the leftist tree-huggers want to let the mountain lions eat, then maybe they should volunteer for the duty.
Reminds me of the democrat squirrel that lives in my oak tree. He thinks it's his tree just because his ancestors lived there before I bought this property. I concede the tree to him. It's his, he can have it.
He's a democrat because I made him one. I give him a cookie every day and if I fail to give him one he's out on my patio chattering and raising hell until I do.
I agree (and no offense to the sane Californians out there), but I think we should trade California to Canada for some good hunting and fishing land.
Well, of course, he's enraged, you know he's ENTITLED to that cookie, don't you?
I guess he never heard the line about if you give a squirrel a cookie, you feed him for a day but if you teach him how to make cookies, you feed him for a lifetime.
I keep waiting for it to fall off into the ocean as promised.
bump
Like the typical democrat squirrel, he's not too bright. He's not a big guy and I learned early that he will eat one cookie but if I give him two he will bury one of them -which disolves as soon as it rains.
I tried to get through for the whole response period, wildly hitting "REDIAL" on the pro-Bush number. I never got through.
Next time, I'll know enough to dial the anti-Bush number, just to get through.
C-Span is more rigged than the NFL.
Kinda like "professional" wrestling?
You're right, he's not too smart but he is definitely a Democrat if he takes more cookies than he needs and then wastes one by putting it where it will get washed away.
Next he will sue you for not giving hims a rebate on the cookies he didn't buy.
"Reminds me of the democrat squirrel that lives in my oak tree. He thinks it's his tree just because his ancestors lived there before I bought this property. I concede the tree to him. It's his, he can have it.
He's a democrat because I made him one. I give him a cookie every day and if I fail to give him one he's out on my patio chattering and raising hell until I do."
Don't get me started on Swallows- squatting and mass immigration spring to mind.
I have democrat chickadees always looking for free bird seeds. Now democrat chipmunks have moved in and are hogging the bird feeder. My democrat squirrel doesn't like it so he takes over the whole thing after 5pm. My republican cat likes the situation and chases these democrats all over.
There's a story here somewhere, but I'm not going there.
Guess it's true: Mother Nature does have a way of solving problems on her own.
And mud. Lots of mud.
"I'm appaled" is a rat talking point. It was used all over by seminar callers when the flap over 9-11 images in campaign ads came up.
Save the Naugas, they are being slaughtered for their hydes.
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