Zorba However, what is more interesting, er ... is the molluscs's er ... sex life.
Mrs Jalin (stopping dead) Oh!
Zorba Yes, the mollusc is a randy little fellow whose primitive brain scarcely strays from the subject of the you know what.
Mrs Jalin (going back to sofa) Disgusting!
Mr Jalin Ought not to be allowed.
Zorba The randiest of the gastropods is the limpet. This hot-blooded little beast with its tent-like shell is always on the job. Its extra-marital activities are something startling. Frankly I don't know how the female limpet finds the time to adhere to the rock-face. How am I doing?
Mrs Jalin Disgusting.
Mr Jalin But more interesting.
Mrs Jalin Oh yes, tch, tch, tch.
Zorba Another loose-living gastropod is the periwinkle. This shameless little libertine with its characteristic ventral locomotion ... is not the marrying kind: 'Anywhere anytime' is its motto. Up with the shell and they're at it.
Mrs Jalin How about the lamellibranchs?
Zorba I'm coming to them ... the great scallop (holds one up) ... this tatty, scrofulous old rapist, is second in depravity only to the common clam. (holds up a clam) This latter is a right whore, a harlot, a trollop, a cynical bed-hopping firm-breasted Rabelaisian bit of sea food that makes Fanny Hill look like a dead Pope... and finally among the lamellibranch bivalves, that most depraved of the whole sub-species - the whelk. The whelk is nothing but a homosexual of the worst kind. This gay boy of the gastropods, this queer crustacean, this mincing mollusc, this screaming, prancing, limp-wristed queen of the deep makes me sick.
I love it!