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Ebonics! Weird Names! $500 Shoes! Shrill Bill Cosby 'n da speech that shocked black America
Village Voice ^ | May 26 - June 1, 2004 | Ta-Nehisi Coates
Posted on 05/25/2004 10:30:56 AM PDT by dead
I never gots Fat Albert, know what I'm sayin'? Dumb Donald wore a lampshade fo' a hat, Russell dressed like a bag ho, 'n Bucky appeared be da victim of a back-alley orthodontist, know what I'm sayin'? Bill Cosby's distorted, funny-looking kids couldn't shoot fire from they hands, 'n they wouldn't know a weather dominator from a flux capacitor." Instead, they wuz a dumb 'n dumpy bunch who conquered da travails of life (deodorant? candy overload?) wit one simple weapon—Fat Albert's formidable moral center."
I thought 'bout that moral center last week, when Cosby ventured down Washington 'n ripped into da has-nots among us n' shit. The occasion wuz da 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Ed, 'n da Coz had been invited Chocolate City by da NAACP Legal Defense Fund, da NAACP proper, 'n Howard University, know what I'm sayin'? The triumvirate had decided honor Cosby fo' having "advanced da promise of Brown, know what I'm sayin'? " Cosby decided do some advancing of tha dude's own, know what I'm sayin'?
The comedian launched into a relentless attack on poor 'n working-class African Americans, criticizing 'em fo' everything from what they name they kids how they speak n' shit. "Ladies 'n gentlemen, da lower-economic muthas are not holding up they end in this deal," tha dude told da audience, in remarks later quoted by gossip columnists n' shit. "These muthas are not parenting, know what I'm sayin'? They are buying things fo' they kids—$500 sneakers fo' what?"
And then: "They're standing on da corner 'n they can't speak English, know what I'm sayin'? I can't even talk da way these muthas talk: 'Why yo' ass ain't?' 'Where yo' ass is?' n' shit. , know what I'm sayin'? , know what I'm sayin'? And I blamed da kid until I heard da mother talk n' shit. And then I heard da father talk, know what I'm sayin'? ." , know what I'm sayin'? n' shit. Everybody knows that shiznit's important speak English except these knuckleheads, know what I'm sayin'? n' shit. ." n' shit. Yo' ass can't be a doctor wit that kind of crap coming out of yo' mouth!"
Ouch."
Cosby has be like tha dude's words wuz taken out of context, which is tough prove since officials at Howard won't release a video of da event, know what I'm sayin'? Informative Shiznit organizations around da nation has been asking fo' a copy, know what I'm sayin'?
According one eyewitness, Coz lampooned blacks fo' giving they kids weird names like Ali 'n Shaniqua 'n finished up by launching a parting barrage at da prisoners rights movement, know what I'm sayin'? "These are muthas going around stealing Coca-Cola," da press reported n' shit. "Peeps getting shot in da back of da heezee over a piece of pound cake 'n then we run out 'n we are outraged, [saying] 'The fuzz shouldn't has shot tha dude's ass, know what I'm sayin'? ' What da hell wuz tha dude doing wit da pound cake in tha dude's hand?"
Cosby's audience wuz reportedly shocked by da classist diatribe." They shouldn't has been." Throughout tha dude's career, Bill Cosby has been many beautiful things—brilliant humorist, anti-apartheid activist, champion of historically black colleges, name a few n' shit. But over da past couple of decades, tha dude's played one ugly role that tha dude's activist friends like ignore—patron saint of black elitists, know what I'm sayin'?
Let's not act like Cosby's points are baseless, know what I'm sayin'? Here in New York, black activists rail against da evils of Giulianism, but shrink from confronting crack dealers." That be like, Cosby's critique betrays tha dude's own narcissism—like da dandies who worship tha dude's ass, tha dude fancies himself an everyman, but tha dude's embarrassed by everymen n' shit. Tha dude's been a tireless critic of fellow black comedians, many of whom—fo' better 'n worse—chose follow in Richard Pryor's footsteps instead of tha dude's. At last year's Emmys, Wanda Sykes asked Cosby what accounted fo' tha dude's success 'n that of other early black comics n' shit. Cosby, clearly annoyed wit da demonstrative Sykes, fixed her wit an ice-grill 'n be like, "We spoke English, know what I'm sayin'? "
Broken English is an obsession of Cosby's. In 1997, tha dude wrote a mocking editorial fo' The Wall Street Journal denouncing da Oakland School Board fo' teaching Ebonics." "In London, I guess Cockney would be da equivalent of Ebonics," wrote Cosby." "And though they may study Cockney at Oxford as part of literature, I doubt they teach that shiznit, know what I'm sayin'? " The fact wuz, da Oakland School Board never planned "teach" Ebonics, know what I'm sayin'? They actually planned teach proper English young kids using Ebonics." But facts wuz irrelevant Cosby because whenever tha dude walked into a cocktail party 'n a stuffed shirt made a joke 'bout Ebonics, tha dude's self-image crumpled from da hit n' shit.
In da '80s, Cosby's elitism wuz relatively benign, a punchline in an Eddie Murphy joke, know what I'm sayin'? But amid tha dude's most significant 'n entertaining work, The Cosby Show, there wuz always a touch of bourgeois fantasy n' shit. The marriage of a black doctor 'n a black lawyer wuz blatantly calculated send a message." Yo' ass could almost see da algebra etched on Heathcliff's forehead (Negroid MD + Negroid JD - Cousin on Smack = Good PR fo' Jack-'n-Jillers)."
There wuz no toilets in da Huxtable crib, 'n da family repped fo' everything da elite liked think that shiznit wuz n' shit. In reality, that elite enjoyed a frightening proximity da rest of us n' shit. But The Cosby Show, at its root, wuz fighting racist propaganda wit race-conscious propaganda n' shit. We'd survived Good Times, so da face-lift Cosby offered wuz welcome." But that shiznit wuz still Cosby doing da surgery, know what I'm sayin'? Which explains why, during da show's heyday, in da midst of Reaganomics, wit black-on-black crime surging, wit da crack epidemic wreaking havoc, wit New York (where da show wuz based) in racial hysteria, Theo never so much as had tha dude's pockets run, know what I'm sayin'?
The show's obsession wit keeping up appearances wuz not only a product of its creator, but of its creator's generation, know what I'm sayin'? It's no mistake that black America's biggest awards show is da NAACP Image Awards n' shit. Ditto fo' da Coz's recent diatribe, know what I'm sayin'? The civil rights crowd has had a rough 30 years as da old tactics of marching 'n boycotting has come up lame." Its leaders, like Cosby himself, are in winter, 'n having beaten Bull Connerism, they now stand befuddled 'n silenced before they greatest new adversary—class."
Race still matters, but largely da problems of black muthas today are da problems of poor muthas n' shit. In tha dude's last days, Martin Luther King turned tha dude's attention class, a focus Cosby's brethren airbrushed away n' shit. They could march on Washington every 10 years without having march on they own drug-riddled corners, know what I'm sayin'? They ignore da ghetto or, when emboldened like Cosby, shit on that shiznit."
When da Coz came Constitution Hall last week, tha dude wuz one up on tha dude's audience." Tha dude had no solutions, 'n unlike tha dude's audience, tha dude knew that shiznit, know what I'm sayin'? And so tha dude fell back on what elitists do best—impose condescending lessons on ethics 'n etiquette n' shit. Tha dude fell back on Fat Albert, 'n a world where poverty can be beaten through sheer force of blithe axiom n' shit. Morality becomes da answer when yo' ass don't has another one n' shit. Maybe we are everything da racists be like we are—dumb, fat, 'n cute, in a really ugly 'n childish sort of way, know what I'm sayin'? But if we could just pay attention in school, stop stealing, learn proper English, 'n correctly apply deodorant, we'd be izzall right." Well, maybe not izzall right, but at least we wouldn't make Cosby look so bad, know what I'm sayin'?
They may pull post #92, but that was intriguing.