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YIKES! I have a gay nephew whom I love dearly. He lives with another man. If they got married I would not want to even go to THEIR wedding.

I have this awful fear that my sister and her partner will decide to come to Mass. to get married, forcing me and my husband to decide between family harmony and deeply held beliefs. Actually, my husband has already said he wouldn't go, and I think I wouldn't either, even though it would do damage to my already not so close relationship with my sister. I suffered through their pretend marriage ceremony last year, but I just don't think I could show support for something I am so opposed to if they came here.

Does that make me a bad sister?

I suffered through their pretend marriage ceremony last year

Well, the deed has already been done. The "pretend" marriage that would become legal in hogwash MA would still be a "pretend" marriage in the eyes of God. The participants would be mocking God in fact. Your attendance would connote your "support."

"Does that make me a bad sister?"

Absolutely not. Personally, I think the best thing for you to do in such a situation is to let your sister know that no matter what, she'll always be your sister and you'll always love her. That being said, I think it's perfectly reasonable to let her know that her lifestyle - this marriage included - goes against your deeply held beliefs. Without trying to convince her that she's wrong, or that you're right, you can let her know that it's just not something you can bring yourself to attend. If she's looking for some sort of response to her wedding, the middle ground might be for you to let her know that you're happy that she's happy.

Where things get tricky are the 'family gatherings'. If you feel comfortable with her partner coming to your home for gatherings, then that's all well and good. If you're uncomfortable with that, then you're going to need to tell your sister about it so they don't just show up together, putting you and your husband in a very uncomfortable position. Something you might feel better doing would be going out to dinner, as opposed to bringing this other person into your home.

All in all, I think there's a balance to be had between your comfort level with her lifestyle and keeping her in your life. For what it's worth, I think you've already shown remarkable tolerance in the name of family. Just don't forget that your feelings, comfort, and happiness matter every bit as much as her's.