Another Modest Proposal

Laptoplobbyst ^ | 5/16/04 | Bob Redman

[Former Fetus]

Another Modest Proposal
by Bob Redman

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Oh no, not another modest proposal. Oh yes, but this one is not in any way, shape, or form elliptical.

In the service of the Republican reelection campaign and our efforts to discipline the middle-eastern terrorists, and in the interest of the nation, after the limited turnover of sovereignty on 30 June to whatever is left of the Iraqi Governing Council, it will be time for us to cut and run in Iraq.

Don't panic. I don’t suggest that we run very far; only as far as secured bases in northern Iraq. This region has earned many times over the name and status of an independent state. I’m talking about what Kurdish nationalists call "Southern Kurdistan."

There are about 5 million Kurds living in an area which is surrounded by 80 miles of Syrian border in the West, 100 miles of Turkish border in the North, 200 miles of Iranian border in the East, and a belt of 5 to 6 million Sunni Arabs in the South.

Since the 1991 Gulf war, the Iraqi Kurds have had effective autonomy, protected by a no-fly zone enforced by U.S. air power. After the U.S. intervention in 2003, this area has become a bastion of stability in Iraq. According to Ralph Peters, writing in his article Kurds' Success Provides Lesson For Rest of Iraq, the Iraqi Kurds have a flourishing economy (even Turks are investing there), and have developed the only functioning democracy in the Middle East outside of Israel and Turkey. They also now control the northern oil fields, although some loyalists from the former regime are trying to pry out the city of Mosul, a big prize for whichever faction ends up with it. About 40% of all formerly Iraqi oil reserves are under the ground near Mosul and Kirkuk.

As the suicide bombings and the maiming and mutilation of U.S. and coalition soldiers and workers continue apace elsewhere in Iraq, and as U.S. and British troops react predictably to the provocation and to the rejection by the Sunnis and many Shiites of our efforts to rebuild their infrastructures, we still have northern Iraq under control and are welcome there.

We also owe them big time, due in part to our equivocal "realpolitik" toward them before the 1991 Gulf war. Moreover, last year the Kurds liberated the North for us when Turkey refused us permission to transit its air space in order to open a northern front in Iraq.

Therefore, I suggest that we soon announce the birth of, say, the "Provisional Northern Protectorate" and withdraw our troops from southern Iraq to bases which, I am sure, are already prepared in the North. We then protect a shortened perimeter while the Kurds really clean house.

The terrorists would be deprived for good of the revenue from a large oil reserves and Iran would be discouraged from causing more trouble.

Just imagine the dilemma this development would pose to Iran, a state sponsor of terrorists and certainly involved in the planning of the attack of 11 Sept. 2001. For a while anyway, the mullahs would be distracted by the chaos and civil war which would erupt in Iraq from Tikrit to Basra as Arab Sunnis and Shiites duke it out for control of the southern oil fields and Saddam's palaces. Things would sort themselves out eventually, and there would be nothing left of Iraq's potential to harm its neighbors or us. Why, we might even be asked to return.

Iran would also be looking over its shoulder at 100,000 or so highly motivated Kurdish troops and 100,000 or so superbly equipped U.S. soldiers, all straining at the leash and poised on the Kurdistan/Iran border, just 200 miles from Teheran. Other U.S. soldiers would be waiting at the Afghanistan/Iran border, revving their tank motors just 400 miles from Teheran. And I'm sure we could spare a division or two to put on the Syrian border to lend emphasis to the fact that, on the other side of Syria, there are Israeli troops on the Golan Heights training their field glasses on Damascus. Jordanian troops aren't much further away and must be thinking about the recent foiled attempt by terrorists to release nerve gas in Amman.

To smooth the road for us if necessary, the sizable Kurdish minorities in Iran and Syria, recent victims of state-sponsored pogroms, would welcome the opportunity to have some fun at their oppressors' expense.

Finally, what a neat object lesson for nervous rulers in Iran, Saudi Arabia, Syria, and Egypt, as they contemplate the remains of what was once a proud rogue nation and occasional partner. Message in “Klartext” - Stop supporting terror franchisers or lose everything.

Turkey, fearful of its own Kurdish minority and burdened with the knowledge of almost a century of its brutal suppression of Kurdish aspirations, would be well advised to go along, if only in recognition of the benefits which a healthy economy will bring to everyone in this region. True, Turkey is tempted by the oil and, according to R. M. Ahmad, writing in his article The Federal Iraq Constitution, has recently discovered a kinship with the small Turkmen minority in northern Iraq, but there is nothing like a fait accompli to remind one that discretion is the better part of valor. Then there is the Turkish minority in Syria, ready at a moment's notice to demand an adjustment of Syria's northern border...

My modest proposal is not only the smart thing, but also the right thing to do. I think enough of George W. Bush and his team to suspect that they are planning this already.

Calm down, folks. We really do have the upper hand.

[Former Fetus]

ok, let's roll!