Yup and then you throw a kicker in there like a child is is developmentally not the same as your average children.
I agree with many of Quix outlook, quite inciteful to some degree for someone with no children, but God humbled me with my second child when I thought I had all the answers to parenting. My children ARE those difficult children. My 1st is easy to connect with, but she has boundless energy and I have a hard time keeping up with her so we often miss moments when we can connect because mommy is just worn out. My second has the same energy, but he is autistic which brings about profound communication problems between parent and child.
And yes, I'm crazy enough to be having a 3rd in a week.
Even though I think there is a lot to what is being said, I still think every dynamic can not be counted for. I too had parents who did not connect AT ALL with me. I still somehow managed to meet those 4 points of success and I came to a point in my life too where I figured it was ridiculous to try and please people who had no interest in me. I moved on. Do I have some greater willpower than 99% of the population? I doubt it. Then again, that makes Quix's point I suppose that you have to work harder, whether your children are hard to connect with or you are one of those children who didn't feel loved, or like me a combo of the two...you will have to work harder and maybe that builds a kind of defiance and strength in the face of adversity if applied.
Just babbling along this fine Saturday afternoon;-)
THANKS TONS FOR YOUR QUALITY REPLY.
My heart goes out to you.
YES. YOU ARE RIGHT. SOME ARE SO INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO JUST KEEP UP WITH ENERGY WISE. And, one CANNOT DO SO ALWAYS.
Thankfully, USUALLY 75% or even 60% of the time is sufficient. With some children, it must be 80-90% of the time unless and until one is over a difficult stage or has established internally in the child some adjustments.
Certainly with autism and related problems, genetics, dynamics--my STAUNCH assertions fall apart. HOWEVER, MY ASSERTIONS ARE STILL THE *BEST* WAYS TO HANDLE SUCH, NEVERTHELESS. Doing less will only result in worse.
It's just that many times, even the absolute best with situations like autism--will still be inadequate.
In such cases, I think one has to enlist and train siblings and extended family members with the best professional inputs. That's a major chore and expense in many ways.
But I have seen families do it.
TONY CAMPOLLO raised now Harvard graduates in novel ways. The son was voted among the best dressed at Harvard I think more than one year. THEY ALWAYS BOUGHT THEIR CLOTHES AT THRIFT STORES.
Tony and a crew of, I forget, 5-6 other couples, families lived near each other. All were Yuppies. I forget the percentage, but I think they lived on like 10-20% of their incomes and pooled and devoted the rest of their incomes to 3rd world community development projects. A whole other dramatic set of stories.
But they shared mowers, cars, major tools etc.
The main point is, one CAN work out novel solutions to money issues as well as time and togetherness issues. It takes extra doing initially but is well worth is once it's up and running well.
BTW, I'm not saying ANY of this to trigger guilt in parents. If Holy Spirit convicts of laziness and selfishness, that's one thing. But hey, I've blown many things seriously in my life and some more than once.
I just know from tons of hard experience that MUCH MORE SUCCESS CAN AND MUST BE HAD with a variety of children and even SOME very difficult children--than many parents can imagine.
And, I don't have a great deal of EXTENDED patience any more with parents who are mostly selfish and lazy and blame everything on the child or circumstances or school or whatever. YES, all those things are horrid. But not as horrid as under Rome 2,000 years ago.
I much appreciate your heartfelt response. I hope you have found some solutions for your autistic child. There's certainly a lot more known about it now than 30 years ago. I think many times, joining the child in the child's area of strength--whether it's art or whatever, can do SOME SIGNIFICANT THINGS toward building a bond and communication--even if it's more intuitive and affectionate than verbal. Yes, I know, there's still a ton of 'not there' or 'not connecting' at best with most autistic children. But, one takes what one can achieve and then goes on. And, one builds on layer after layer even if the layers are too thin for one's hopes.
God's best to you.