Now you have 2 very challenging questions!
1)No. I almost all my life felt Chinese had enough children, I didn't need to help them. Besides that, I chose to help those already brought into the world have a better life rather than have my own. PART of the reason was my own crazy childhood. There was enough pain and craziness in my own extended family and nuclear family, I was NOT ABOUT TO visit that sort of stuff on a child. And, I was a bit reasonably concerned that IF I had children, I'd want to spend all my time with them and wouldn't make enough $$$ to feed them.
Now--considering the usual criticisms about that, I can only offer this:
1) My parents adopted a baby girl when I was 10. Mother was determined that no son of hers was going to dump all the child care on the wife. She insisted that I do the 02:30 in the morning feedings for a while in addition to changing and washing diapers.
2) I've lived with other families and shared child care duties and loving for up to 18 months at a time with various aged children.
3) I knew a 50 year missionary lady in Taiwan who had had 12 kids. She said she always cherished the input from the childless. That they often had the best advice that was practical and effective. She had a rare attitude about that.
4) I HAVE MOST DEFINITELY by God's Grace made much better or mostly solved the messes those with children have made of their children's lives in the lives of between 1,000 and 3,000 children--depending on the seriousness of the criteria one uses. CERTAINLY, IF IT DOESN'T WORK, TOSS IT--TRY SOMETHING ELSE--ALMOST ANYTHING ELSE REMOTELY HEALTHY AND LOVING!
THE LOOK IN THE EYE--DESCRIBE IT IN WORDS. That's a virtually impossible task.
I think meanness, rebellion and defiance--if one sees such things in the eyes of a child--it's very serious--especially if it's more than a rare occasion. If you watch children's eyes every where you go--or even just your own children's eyes--keeping in mind those issues--you'll learn the differences.
A more difficult look in the eye to catch is the chronic people pleaser and the super manipulator--which are often one and the same. They can be very gifted at looking sweet, helpless, even waif-like garnering all the sympathy and compliance to their wishes from the parents and siblings. When underneath, there's great contempt for everyone else. Typically, they've been hyper sensitive at an early age--and felt trashed, uncared for, unloved--perhaps even hated--rightly or wrongly on the part of their perceptions. And at some point early on decided [not necessarily conscioiusly decided] to blazes with it all, they'll just manipulate out of everyone in a very cynical way--whatever they can get.
Life becomes a strictly economic exchange and instead of love--they covet and go to great lengths to get things and other people's compliance as proof that they are worth breathing air and taking up space. Usually, they have internalized some very early parental message that they aren't worth bothering with genuinely. Sometimes the message wasn't THAT greatly there but given their hypersensitivity--they construed it that way and the parents didn't catch it or didn't know how [and weren't willing to search long enough to find someone who did] or decided they couldn't pay the price to overcome it.
One way you can get some clue about the look in the eye thing is to stand in front of a mirror. Consider the constructs, attitudes etc. I've mentioned above--such as defiance. Close your eyes--think of something you used to feel real defiant about. Start to feel it. Then imagine the person you most felt it toward--imagine that they are in front of you. Open your eyes and look in the mirror. You can do the same thing with each of those constructs, attitudes, feelings.
You can also ask God [as I did at a young age] to help you know what it's like to feel inside the other person's skin. If you are serious and faithful to ask, as well as to obey Him in what He tells you to do to grow in that way, He will answer that prayer.
And, when you see your child [or anyone else, for that matter] with a certain look that puzzles you--focus on the look enough that you can match it--mimic it as authentically as you can. You could do it then and there or privately in front of your mirror. When you feel you have the look down well, focus on how you feel holding that look. That can give you a good clue about what's going on in your child.
And, you can simply ask God--what's my child/that person feeling, thinking right now? Why?
And, with most people, asking WHY is counter productive because it feels like an accusation. USUALLY, IN MARRIAGES AND WITH TEENS, IT'S BETTER TO AVOID ASKING QUESTIONS AT ALL. a good exercise toward that is to commit to one's spouse to go a whole month without asking a single question. You learn to make statements.
--I'm unaware of your plans about the evening.
--I'm unaware of the best time for dinner.
--I'm pondering about the wisest time for dinner.
--I don't know the best way to be thoughtful toward you, today.
--I'm puzzled about the origin of your statement.
--I'm curious about the source of that look on your face.
--I'm interested in the thoughts that preceded that tone of voice.
--I don't know if you thought of any possible alternatives to that action or not. I don't know if you considered the different results the different alternative actions might have produced, or not.
--I'm puzzled about your expectations of me at the moment.
--I'm interested in knowing your hopes about our time together the next 4 hours.
--I'm interested in planning my day/week. But I want to maximize my matching and helpfulness to your plans. It would help if I knew them.
etc.
Mileage may vary.
Blessings,