Replies

Dear Mr. Ex-President Clinton:

I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for
Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that, and I am sending my
"Thank you" for what you have done, specifically:

1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica
Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey and Juanita Broderick. Did
I leave anyone out?

2. Thank you for teaching my 8 year-old about oral sex. I had really
planned to wait until they were older to discuss it with them, but now they
know more about it than I did as a senior in college.

3.. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place
(especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know
is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain
sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one
involved does NOT have sex.

4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new
generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie, "Wag
the Dog" could be plausible after all.

5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look
graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John
Kennedy look moral.

6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th
Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying
about Democratic campaign fund raising.

7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonments from
the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal
convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.

8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our
foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully
disguised as necessary trips. It seems you have been campaigning for
Secretary General of the United Nations since your reelection in 1996.

9. Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars--- I really didn't
need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more well deserving
group of recipients for my hard-earned dollar than jet fuel for all of your
globe-trotting. I understand you, your family and your cronies have logged
in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration. Good luck
on your continued campaign to be King of the world.

10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of
convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them
rejoin society.

11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware. I'm sure that
Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming
gifts you've received from your "friends."

12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for
vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out. I also
appreciate removing all of that excess weight (China, silverware, linen,
towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out
of Air Force One. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less
tax dollars spent on jet fuel. Thank you!

13. And, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance
for her upcoming "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $10 million advance for
your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay?

14. The last and most important point - thank you for forcing Israel to
let Mohammed Atta go free. Terrorist pilot Mohammed Atta blew up a bus in
Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part
of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to
release so-called "political prisoners." However, the Israelis would not
release any with blood on their hands. The American President at the time,
Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, "insisted"
that all prisoners be released. Thus Mohammed Atta was freed and
eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the World
Trade Center. This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the
time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US
from all later reports. Why shouldn't Americans know the real truth?

God bless America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending my taxes so
wisely and frugally.

SINCERELY,

A US Citizen

PS. Please pass along a special thank you to Al Gore for "inventing" the
Internet, without which I would not be able to send this wonderful factual
e-mail.