Al-Qaeda Backs Democratic Candidate John Kerry; Plans Big Voter Turnout Effort
5/10/2004 - William Grim
Undisclosed Location, Afghanistan)-- Leaders of Al-Qaeda announced today that they are officially backing Massachusetts Senator John F. Frenchy Kerry in the 2004 United States presidential campaign.
We examined very carefully the policies of the candidates of the two major political parties, said Sheik Ali bin Mooqi, chairman of Al-Qaedas Committee for Jihad and Political Outreach, And we determined that Senator Kerrys policies are good for Al-Qaeda. We are especially impressed with Senator Kerrys desire to let the United Nations take over the War Against Terror. Diplomatic dialogue is the terrorists best friend, and we are encouraged by Senator Kerrys embrace of appeasement.
Officials for Al-Qaeda say that they will spend a large amount of money on voter education programs, including the torture, kidnapping and execution of anyone opposed to Senator Kerrys election. Weve also earmarked funds for ballot-stuffing, said Mr. Mooqi. As you can well imagine, Florida is a high priority.
Speaking on condition of anonymity, a source close to the Kerry campaign told this reporter that Senator Kerry welcomes the support of Al-Qaeda and wants to make his campaign a big-tent campaign even if some of his supporters want to burn down the tent. The Senator believes that cultural diversity is much more important than national security.
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