Turkey hunter out to bag bird that attacked his SUV

Bangor Daily News ^ | May 11, 2004

[Shermy]

Ping.

[MineralMan]

Actually, the bird scratched up the SUV because the guy parked it straddling two spaces. Since turkeys can't carry keys, it used what it had to take care of the problem.

Humor break.

[lilylangtree]

Bitar parked his SUV in a "No Parking Zone!"

[cold_dead_fingers]

The turkey was sick and tire of gas guzzling SUV's polluting the environment.

[Fierce Allegiance]

Ben Franklin wanted the turkey to be the national bird, but I think the majestic eagle made a much beter choice. See why?

[MineralMan]

"Ben Franklin wanted the turkey to be the national bird, but I think the majestic eagle made a much beter choice. See why?"

Ever eat an eagle? Turkey tastes a heckuva lot better. I vote for the turkey as national bird.

[Fierce Allegiance]

A piece of roast beef tastes better than nylon, but i would prefer a nylon flag as a symbol of my country than a piece of roast beef stitched on my uniform. :)

[spetznaz]

A turkey that bloodied and dazed itself after pecking and scratching a parked SUV likely thought his own reflection was a rival turkey vying for the attention of an accompanying hen. At least that's one of turkey hunter Michael Bitar's theories. Bitar, whose 2002 Ford Explorer suffered deep scratches on the bumper and paint, is hoping to track down and bag the bird that caused $1,500 in damage.

I know what happened. The PETA/Greens petitioned the Mystic League of Romania to endow them with the powers of animal transformation ....in essence to be able to change into Were-beasts.

They wanted to be able to change into Timber wolves, Bald Eagles and Kodiak bears, but the powers that be felt that PETA was too soft to be given such potent transformation powers, hence they decided to go with more 'appropriate' animal forms. Thus the Skunk (since they love to foul things up), the mountain goat (so they can eek out a living among the rocks and crags of the natural world, and the rocks and crags of ignorance and atrophied intellect), and the Turkey (this one was not because they thought PETA matched the bird, stupid as it might be, but just a prank by the Mystical League. They knew PETA considered itself a TurnKey in socio-political issues. Hence they told PETA that they would bestow a third of the members with the ability to turn into a large flying symbolic key. To stand for being a TurnKey. And PETA gladly accepted with glee and jubilation. But the Mystical League removed the letter 'N' from the Cauldron ....obviously after watching an episode of Sesame Street ....and TurnKey became Turkey).

And thus the attack on the SUV. A PETA member was walking by when he saw the glistening SUV. He was irate ....after all the SUV would exude all form of noxious fumes, harming the little beavers and pronghorns prancing beyond yonder! Hence, he decided to use his Were powers and turn into a TurnKey.

Thinking he would scratch up the SUV in his turnkey form, he transformed and attacked.

Sadly he was a Turkey, and consequently the owner of the SUV came out just in time to see a bloody turkey fly away from his truck.

And that is what happened (time for a drink, Ja)

[spetznaz]

Ping.

[Elsie]

A dog, with a bandaged foot, goes into a bar and says......


"I'm looking fer the man that shot my PA!"

[Attention Surplus Disorder]

Particularly onerous since the good SUV owner parked in a "No Pecking Zone".

Ba-da Bump.

[laotzu]

that's a Ford for ya.....turkey bait

[GaltMeister]

The wicked SUV must have given Tom a dirty look. The bird is lucky the SUV didn't freak out and run him over.

[Shermy]

Me to you on April 20

"I live for the day of this headline:
PIT BULL ATTACKS SUV"

I think we're getting closer to that day...

[ambrose]

What about "Pit Bull Enters Mosque and Attacks Imam"

[Shermy]

For me, the dog attacking an inanimate object highlights its lunatic psychology.

As for the turkey, it's just dumb.

[ambrose]

Did you see the thread where two pit bulls actually dug their way under a fence so they could attack a little girl? The girl's pet Golden Retriever fought the demonic beasts off.

[Chinito]

"Ever eat an eagle?..."


Yeah, tastes kinda like Spotted owl...

[thackney]

This is why I guard my Bronco with a non-reflective protective coating of dirt.